1 january 2017 :: a good day to drive home. a good day to thank God for a safe trip - all 2200 miles of it.
2 january 2017 :: i dropped isaac off at basketball practice. i walked up a snowy driveway to visit allison and ellie and asher. i took a selfie with ellie. i kissed her soft hair, right at the part. i held asher until my arms almost fell asleep, we made faces at each other, and i kissed his cheek and hairline. allison and i visited and counted blessings and said, "i love you," and gave hugs. {tell your friends, your people, that you love them. kiss them and hug them.}
3 january 2017 :: // clear, cold, minus six / the sunny side of the hay / watching buck, doe, fawn // hammer back, cross hairs / fixed where shoulder meets rib cage / long exhale and squeeze // your flesh will become / our food, our sustenance, our / energy, our flesh // the sun had gone down over the sheep mountains in a rainbow of frozen light. the fingernail moon is up (has been since i was tucked into hay bales looking for a shot) and so is bright venus. we load deer and bag and gun and head home.
5 january 2017 :: praying for my children. Lord, please bring the right person into their lives at the right time. bless each one and keep each one and let each one know when it is right. you know who you have - i trust you with this. as you have done for ben and i. and please, keep hearts and minds and bodies. give self-control and kindness and true love in overflowing measures to these dear ones and the ones you have for them. amen.
7 january 2017 :: the playstation is broken. so isaac is being creative and maddie is watching a show about animals. i have a love-hate relationship with the playstation. good things - lots of hours and games played together (ben + kids + friends) in our living room, competition and the learning that goes with that, kids can take or leave video games at friends' houses and actually visit and interact, learning self-control and time management. but, for now, i'm not sad ours is broken.
10 january 2017 :: grey. damp. cold. super wacky barometric pressures - high to the north, low to the south, and, we, here, right caught in the middle. no wonder i felt as though i could do nothing today. i did walk with chaco, though. we found a dead mule deer. a fawn. under a willow. under a dusting of snow. no wounds. no blood. just dead.
13 january 2017 :: the Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. he cares for those who trust in him. Nahum 1:7 God is good. i do trust this. i trust him. . . . so, yesterday i didn't write much. only an appointment date. because i went to a routine physical, and my doctor found a not-so-routine lump. pinto bean-sized, in my left breast. hopefully a cyst. i walked. i thought about the semi-colon. here i sit on one again . . . in the meantime: more fresh air, more fruit, more vegetables, no sugar, no eggs . . . i love fruit and veggies, so that's all good.
17 january 2017 :: i made blueberry muffins with blueberry buttercream frosting for breakfast tomorrow. because tomorrow is isaac's birthday. and because birthdays should have treats.
18 january 2017 :: benjamin ISAAC patten :: so joyful. his laugh. ALL the legos. and the models. "i have a sweet tooth." his stuff EVERYWHERE. things just so. "i don't need new pants." (don't change anything.) a funny juxtaposition with MODIFY EVERYTHING. so many creative ideas. sharpshooter. {some of the wonders of isaac.}
19 january 2017 :: the NW wind has a bite to it. but the sun in the southern sky is starting to feel warm. we are on my side of solstice.
21 january 2017 :: basketball tournament. isaac played so hard! we brought k+k (twin brothers) home with us - to celebrate isaac's birthday. what funny friends. "I'M THE ONE TELLING THIS STORY!!! YOU BE QUIET!" and no secrets. and all of the crush news. so much laughing! i hope that ben and i can always sit around with our kids and their friends and talk and laugh.
23 janary 2017 :: the fog rolled in last night and dressed all the twigs and grasses, weeds and barbs in shimmering splendor.
25 january 2017 :: i want you to know, isaac, that you never have to apologize to me for yourself, for the fact that i "have to" make phone calls and go talk to your teachers. i love you. of course i will do this for you. of course. // i was looking through your folder and found your first book report from this year. the last paragraph, "the dad and the boy had to have patience to find the owl. they also had to be brave and have hope. i had to have patience with myself. i also had to have hope to learn how to read. i have to be brave all the time." {i have to be brave. all the time.}
26 january 2017 :: may our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word. II Thes. 2:16-17
27 january 2017 :: this life is a gift. grace for each moment. be still. and a cancer-free mammogram on my lump. sighs of relief. quiet gratitude. eternal encouragement and good hope.
>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >>
and today. it is good to look back through this month. to look at pictures i took. to read words i wrote and that others wrote to me. to read scripture that i filled my heart and mind with. to know that God is good. to know that i can keep learning about myself, that i can keep learning from Him. to spend time counting blessings. to have proven yet again that "in this world you will have trouble. but! take heart! i have overcome the world." john 16:33
>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >>
my friends, thank you for reading. thank you for being here, for being you. go gently, love fiercely, and be wonderful.
love, e