Bits of Sunshine

a rambling 39th birthday post for my very best friend

today. november 30. this is right up there with the very best day ever. because today is ben's birthday. today is the day, 39 years ago, that my very best friend was born. holy smokes! i love him so!! i know he's not too sure about this adding numbers to his age thing, but it's ineveitable, babe - time passes, and years are added, and we keep doing this wild ride together! i don't ever want to know what it would be like to not be adding to the years with you. i'm so grateful for every minute, day, and year with you! 

i was looking back over my blog, and found that i haven't always written ben a birthday post.  i haven't always been able to buy the birthday presents i'd like to buy for him. life is crazy and hard, but it's wonderful and is so, so much better because ben and i get to do it together.  

17 years ago, we were newly married and i wanted to do something nice for ben's birthday.  before our wedding, he had been saying that it was silly that the bride-to-be gets all the parties and gifts. for every bridal shower, there should be a groom's bath. so, for his birthday, i bought a couple sets of tools and wrapped each screwdriver and wrench and hammer separately, in LOTS of paper, and filled the tub with a toolbox and all these individually wrapped tools. then i hung a happy birthday banner over the tub. so, when he got home from work and headed to the bathroom, there was his birthday bath. 

i have gotten to celebrate 17 of ben's 39 birthdays with him - it will be a pretty amazing thing when i can say that i have celebrated half of his birthdays with him! we'll have to keep adding to the years, to the number, for that to happen. {winking at you and and nudging you, babe.} there is good - lots of good - in adding to the years. we'll keep filling the years with more and more good. keep adding good things, one at a time, until that's all there is room for. 

ben, you're the best person i know.  in so many ways.  no one else that i know loves more fiercely, speaks more sincerely, forgives more freely, hugs more tightly, acts with more integrity, works more wisely, problem-solves with more tenacity, or enjoys hobbies and fun and leisure with more peace of heart. 

ben, i can't think of you without thinking of the gift you are to me. i am blessed beyond measure to be your woman, your wife, your best friend, your co-parent (to the two wonderful kiddos we we made together and to as many kids as stop and stay under our roof), your sassy, your soft, your person.

and i am so grateful for you, my man, my husband, my best friend, my co-parent (the one who finds ways to say things to the kids that i would make a mess of), my calm, my rock, my person.

happy birthday, my love!  happy, happy birthday.

about a chair

a few years ago, my neighbor gave me the pieces of a wood-framed arm chair and two random couch cushions covered in tan fabric with blue pineapple print.  

all of the pieces got stashed in my basement.  i was planning to put the chair together and reshape and recover the cushions . . . and then we were packing up to move . . . and we used the cushions to protect other furniture in the u-haul and left the wooden frame pieces in the basement.  

this summer, ben and i took a trip back to the old place to pick up our piano (which we had not moved in january in the -30 F weather we were experiencing), and i decided to bring the pieces of the chair with if we had room in the truck.  there was room!

 a few weeks ago, ben and isaac put the chair together for me!  ben and i bought a few random bits, ben cut a few pieces of wood, we stained a couple pieces to match, ben ripped out the old spring bottom and replaced it with plywood, we removed the chipped wooden castors and replaced them with self-leveling chair feet, isaac helped screw some pieces together, and ben ground off the screw that was too long . . . 

once we brought the chair inside, i cut the cushions to fit. 

two days ago, i invited my friend ashley to come help me start cushion covers.  i knew that if i had someone to talk to while i cut the fabric and got started that i would stick with it and finish.  so, on tuesday afternoon, we started the cutting.  we also laughed about a shared history of working on sewing projects late into the night.  this project didn't seem like it would take more than an hour or two, so i was certain that i would have it done by late afternoon. 

after ashley left, it was so nice outside, that i decided to take a walk.  then i ended up running my kids here and there and making supper and resetting the guest room.  at some point in there, i finished the cutting and tidied away the excess.  i set up my sewing machine and in the evening and miracle of miracles, i had left it threaded!  even better, the thread never broke, the tension stayed consistent, everything went smoothly, and by midnight, i had the covers on the cushions and the cushions on the chair. 

and now, i have a cozy little spot to sit and read or chat or drink coffee.  i do know one thing - i'll be on the lookout for a little footstool to go with my chair.  (preferably one i don't have to recover . . . )

  

pumpkin scones

yesterday i had invited a friend over to visit and drink coffee and help me get a start on covers for chair cushions.  i decided that we should have a treat to go with our coffee.  i had a can of pumpkin in my cupboard . . . so i went looking on pintrest and found faithfully gluten free's pumpkin scone recipe.  of course, i had to make some modifications, because that's just how i roll.  and they turned out fabulously!  so, in the interest of not forgetting the modifications i made, and because i have promised the recipe to more than one friend, here is my version of the scones.

pumpkin scones with blueberries and spiced glaze

ingredients
3/4 cup brown rice flour
1/2 cup gluten free flour mix (i use pilsbury)
1/4 cup tapioca starch
2 tsp xanthan gum
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp allspice
1/4 tsp ginger
1/4 tsp nutmeg
6 Tbs frozen butter
3/4 cup frozen blueberries
1/2 cup pumpkin puree
2 Tbs milk of choice
1 large egg

glaze
1 cup powdered sugar
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp nutmeg
2 Tbs milk of choice (or more, as needed for consistency)
2 Tbs melted butter

instructions
preheat oven to 425 degrees F
line baking sheet with parchment paper or grease baking sheet
dust lined or greased baking sheet with rice flour
whisk together all dry ingredients
grate the frozen butter (using a box grater) into the dry ingredients and stir until the butter is evenly distributed
stir in frozen blueberries
place this bowl in the fridge
in another bowl, whisk the wet ingredients together 
stir wet and dry together until the dough holds together
add a splash of milk if needed
handle the dough as lightly as possible - try to keep it very cold
turn the dough out onto the baking sheet
using plastic wrap or your butter paper press the dough out to about 1" thick
cut the dough into wedges or strips (however you want your scones to look) and separate slightly on the baking sheet
bake for 13-15 minutes (i think i had to bake mine for closer to 20) until golden brown (and done through)
remove from oven
cool while you mix up the glaze and until closer to room temp
generously cover scones with glaze
enjoy with your favorite warm beverage (pour over coffee for my friend and i yesterday) 

steer clear of the crazy

some tips for enjoying the season - because thanksgiving and then all of the december holidays and celebrations  - and this should be all sorts of wonderful, but sometimes, it's all sorts of overwhelming.  so, here is a little list of things that i think might help bring calm and joy ::

• wear slippers. choose one day to wear slippers all. day. long.
• drink coffee or tea - for the warmth, for the flavor, for the experience.
• drink lots of water.  stay hydrated.  your skin and your mind will thank you.
• and while we are on the subject of what to drink, if you feel a scratchy throat, or sinus pressure, or body aches coming on, mix a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar and a tablespoon or two of honey into a cup of hot water and sip - you will boost your immune system and soothe your throat.
• eat cookies - but also, listen when your body tells you it has had enough sweets.
• eat lots of vegetables.
• go outside, look at the sky, take deep breaths.
• play outside.  run, sled, skate, hike, rest awhile in a sunny spot.
• do what you can today.  let some things go.
• today is a good day for joy.
• be kind. for no good reason.  for every good reason.  kindness is an end in and of itself.  except - it doesn't end.
• do the holidays your way.  you aren't anybody else. 
• get a good idea from instagram or pinterest or a blog and use it because it adds to your way and brings you joy.
• know that others are doing the best they can.  sometimes that doesn't look like much, and sometimes it looks like too much.
• sometimes (often?), less is more.
• twinkle lights are delightful all year round.
• go gently, love fiercely, and be wonderful.

love to you, dear friends!  ~e

gratitude five ways

what does gratitude sound like? cottonwood leaves clicking on the breeze, hymns played and sung, laughter

what does gratitude feel like? a hand pressed to a loved one’s face, arms wrapped tight in a hug, an open hand and heart - giving good gifts 

what does gratitude smell like? the clearest of air with a hint of sun-warmed leaves or sage or pine

what does gratitude taste like? cookies or bread or coffee cake - homemade, and given with joy

what does gratitude look like? a smile, a sparkle in the eye, maybe the tiniest tear shining on an eyelash, the absence of tension, joyful abandon 

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thanks to michelle for the gratitude week writing prompt

gratitude feels like sunshine

it is monday morning, just an hour till lunchtime, and i am sitting in a high school classroom.  i was grateful to find a whole wall of windows - outside of which the wind is trying to tear the last leaves off the cottonwood branches and fling them into the cold, grey sky.

i am hoping that november beats october's count on sunshine-y days - october began with a string of cloudy days, then allowed us fourteen sunny days in a row, before the clouds rolled in again and have stayed into this fifth day of november.  

my kids sometimes tease me about wanting {needing} sunny days - but i ache when i am not warm, and nothing warms me like the sun on my face, on my shoulders, on my jacket, through my windows.  nothing else eases the ache in my bones quite like the sun.  blankets and coffee, a soft sweater and the heat turned up help, but don't soak in and ease the ache they same way as sunshine.  

i am following along with michelle's gratitude week - for the fourth year in a row!  today, her prompt asked can you feel gratitude in your body?  where does it rest?  i am here, slightly chilled, my fingers working through their coolness to type these words.  and i am certain that gratitude feels like sunshine.  if i think about what i am most grateful for, it is almost like sitting in the sun.  the practice of gratitude reminds me to slow my thoughts, to take deep breaths, to relax my shoulders, to unclench my jaw, to smile.  the sun does the same.  

this morning

this morning i got up at 6:20 and turned on the lamp in the den, walked up the stairs, turned on one lamp in the living room, and turned the thermostat up so the heat would kick in.  i thumped back down the stairs, and crawled back into bed for fifteen more minutes.  

at 6:45, i got up for good, pulled on wool socks and a sweatshirt, and went to say good morning to isaac.  as he headed for the shower, i headed to the kitchen to start the oven and cook up some hashbrown squares topped with cheese and ham for the kiddos for breakfast.  i poked my head into maddie's room (even though last night she said i didn't need to check on her in the mornings . . . i just didn't want her to be late . . . ).

i watched this sweet little short, just because, and then answered a few comments on my instagram and facebook posts from yesterday.  

isaac came up and ate his breakfast while i made a sandwich for him to put in his lunch bag.  as the kids finished getting ready, maddie asked if she could drive her and isaac to school - i checked the weather, it looked like it should be fine weather for a walk to the library mid-morning, so i let her take the car.   

after they headed out, i got myself ready for the day.  then i made my bed, then isaac's bed, then looked at maddie's bed - but it is covered in blankets and clothes and random things . . . so i just picked up some things i could see needed to be washed, left the bed, and took my pile to the laundry room.  

at this point, it was raining/sleeting/snowing - so much heavy wet - and i realized that walking to the library was not what i wanted to do.  so i sat down at my desk and made some notes for the work i need to do.  then i answered some text messages before i began to sort out a few items on my desk.  

i went though a notebook and an old Bible study book and took the few things i wanted to save and glued them into my journal right then.  i added a few bits of washi tape, because washi tape makes me happy.  i threw the excess and edges away.  then i pulled out another Bible study book that i had been working through last spring.  i had missed filling in a few days of the work one week and three days of the last week of study, so i decided that i would work on finishing the book.  

i love having prompts for digging into the Word, and catalysts for thought processes and connections.  the first section i chose to work on today speaks directly to my situation, my moments, my right-now.  and this does not surprise me.  God is good like that.  His Word is living and active and does not return void.  it is milk and honey and bread and meat.  ever and always, He sustains and gives good gifts.  His timing is perfect.  i worked a good way into the lesson i picked up, wrote notes in the margins, read the scriptures, let God speak to my heart, conversed with Him, filled my mind with thoughts to mull over and be encouraged by as i continue this day and the work of this day.

at noon, maddie called to say she and some friends were on the way to our house for lunch.  i stepped out to the kitchen to tidy up a bit and made buttered toast while maddie warmed up soup.  as the three kids ate, i did the dishes and wiped down counter and stovetop.  each kiddo put their dishes into the dishwasher as they finished, so we have a clean kitchen to make supper in this evening.  everybody ate a few oatmeal raisin cookies (so glad i baked them last night!), then i grabbed what i needed, drove them back to school, and headed to the library.

the afternoon will be filled with writing.  and hopefully, the writing i do this afternoon will bear fruit that will nourish me, my family, and many, many others.  

two benedictions for the afternoon:

the Lord bless you and keep you;
the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious unto you;
the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.                   
                                                                                            Numbers 6:24-26

and

go gently, love fiercely, and be wonderful.

with love, e

right now

listening to the home playlist maddie and i made before we moved to miles city {the long way home by norah jones is still one of my favorites}

realizing that i need to put the really little buds on my ear buds

taking a tiny break to read a few blogs and type this one

working on a huge electronic filing project in the engineering department of the field office

smiling because the sun is shining today {and has been for four days in a row!}

relishing reading some more books {most recently all the light we cannot see by anthony doerr and my grandmother asked me to tell you she's sorry by fredrik backman}

drinking water this afternoon - after finishing the full pot of coffee this morning

eating pineapple and almonds and blueberry muffins today

craving potatoes {maybe mashed, or maybe roasted for supper tonight}

thinking about making cookies again {there can never be too many cookies}

looking forward to tomorrow night, when ben will be home again

planning to curl up on the couch after dark and watch a movie with isaac

trusting that God knows exactly what He has for ben and for me, for our family, as we move forward in what we do - jobs and committees and things we are a part of

treasuring the moments i spend with my kiddos

laughing about communicating with them by text and instagram and snap chat 

feeling so grateful for our cozy little house

sending letters and packages - happy mail - a few bits most weeks

sharing bits of sunshine any way i can {because then i feel the sunshine, too}

loving my people so very much

ten septembers ago

 

ten septembers ago, i started this blog

 

as i have been thinking about that, i decided to take a click-through of each month of my blogging journey

my very first post had no pictures and just these few words:

a quiet, sunny sunday afternoon. 

just figuring out how this blogging thing works. 

i certainly have a favorite that i read every day, and thought it would be fun to start my own.

so here goes! . . . welcome, whoever may read here . . .

over the next few weeks and months, i shared so much about our little life, about my marriage, my kids, my sewing, my baking, my homekeeping, bits and bits and bits

the world of blogging opened up so many creative ideas for me, it opened windows into lives that gave me encouragement and inspiration; blogging allowed me to form some really wonderful relationships with ladies who have grown to be my very real friends.  for a while, i was an every-day blogger.  it took a LOT for me to miss one day of blogging.  over the years, my blogging has been more and more sporadic,  but i believe there are only three months out of the past ten years where i did not write a single post.  i am so very glad i have this chronicle of my life and thoughts. 

listed below are some favorite and some telling posts.  have a click through, if you wish!  and leave me a comment reminding me when you started reading!  some of you, it was with that very first post!  and some of you, it has been within the last year.  i am so grateful for *all* of you!

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a favorite post from september 2009

in july 2010, we moved out of the little house we had lived in since january 2008, and worked on building a new house

september 2010 - where i found peace then, and where to find home

in january 2011, i shared a cookie recipe that i had invented (i should make these again!)

september 2011 - thoughts about seasons turning

a thursday evening in march 2012

 i'm not sure i can ever describe how thankful i am that i was able to homeschool with maddie and Isaac,  that we had those hours and days and weeks and years together.

september 2012 marked the beginning of ben pursuing wildland firefighting as his definite career path

in july 2013, ben took me to see the first mountains i had ever seen

and in august 2013, we knew that our life was going to change dramatically, again

a practically perfect day in september 2013

in december  2013, i wrote a post about all the places ben and i had lived since our wedding in 2001  {now we could add two more}

in august 2014, i wrote a post about one of our very favorite places to be - we still talk about the afternoons spent at glendalough state park, on the lake shore, under the cottonwood tree

in september 2014, i began the four on-line classes that would allow me to complete my bachelor's degree

simple and wonderful  encouragement written in february 2015

a little mix from september 2015

one friday in april 2016

and fires in june 2016

first day of school september 2016

all of january 2017 in one post

a favorite picture of my kiddos, september 2017

ben, my kids {a bit of parenting advice}, my parents - gratitudes in november 2017

thoughts on aging in march 2018

first day of school september 2018

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go gently, love fiercely, and be wonderful.

love, e

 

 

 

 

enjoy the things today

days before maddie's fifth birthday, i found her crying.  of course i asked her why she was sad.  she told me that she didn't want another age.  she just wanted to stay her four age.  why?, i asked again.  because, she told me, you like me little.  you always like when you can hold me and read to me and wrap me up in a blanket and i am little.  i don't want a big age.  i don't want to be big. 

i was so taken aback.  what had i been portraying to my girl?  oh, my heart hurt.  i kneeled next to her and hugged her and told her that yes, she had been a wonderful baby.  i have so many good memories of holding her for hours and hours, of bundling her into the front pack for walks, of all the funny toddler things she did, of all the sweet little moments.  but!  i told her, you are going to learn so many more cool things as you get older!  you'll learn to read, you'll learn to ride a bike, you'll help me do more and more big person things, and you'll teach isaac stuff as he grows older.  then you'll get old enough to drive a car, and have a job.  you'll grow old enough to have your own house, and then you can invite me over for lunch!  we are just going to keep doing more and more cool things as you grow older, as you have new ages.  i am going to just keep loving you so much every age that you are. 

she was so relieved.  and over the next few days, she became excited for her birthday. 

i have thought of this off and on, over the years. i want to make sure that my kids know that i like them right now, for who they are and what they can do and what they are learning right now. 

i am reminded of this again this morning.  i need to, and i want to

enjoy the things my kids can do today

and to let them know this, that i enjoy them today.  right now.  to give them permission to enjoy what they are doing right now.  whether what they are doing is learning a new concept or skill, whether it is telling a joke or creating a piece of art, whether it is snuggling into the coziest blanket for a rest, whether it is completing a job, whether it is making a purchase with money that they have earned, whether it is giving a gift, whether it is just being still.  that everything doesn't have to be about what they are going to do, later, down the road.  yes, we talk about the future: college, jobs, that growing-up stuff.  but i need to remember that they need to know that what they do today, right now, is worth something today.  it is worth enjoying sports practice today, because they worked hard today.  it is worth being proud of the C or the B or the A that they earned today, because it is what they earned today.  it is worth feeling heart-full when they laugh with a friend today, because there is joy in this moment.  it is worth hugging mom or dad or friend tight and long because of what that person means today, right now, in this moment. 

friends, do this for your kids.  do this for your spouse.  do this for your best friend.  remind them that they have permission to

enjoy the things that they can do today

friends, do this for yourselves.  give yourself permission to

enjoy the things that you can do today

the things don't have to be perfect, they don't have to make a huge impact on the world.  your peace and joy, when you enjoy the things you can do today, will have a far greater impact on the people in your life {and will ripple outward}, than a stress-filled, perfect execution of too many tasks and obligations taken on.  we need to give our own minds and the minds of those we love and interact with grace and space for right now, for this moment. 

i know i say this often, friends, but it is always my wish for each of you: go gently, love fiercely, and be wonderful.  love, e

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things that prompted this post:

september is suicide prevention awareness month - the phone number - 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

this video, made in memory of a personable 16-year-old boy who committed suicide in december 2017

conversations about jason hairston

this article and this one about a vibrant 17-year-old girl who committed suicide in march 2018

this song and this song and this song and this song and this song