Bits of Sunshine

gratitude five ways

what does gratitude sound like? cottonwood leaves clicking on the breeze, hymns played and sung, laughter

what does gratitude feel like? a hand pressed to a loved one’s face, arms wrapped tight in a hug, an open hand and heart - giving good gifts 

what does gratitude smell like? the clearest of air with a hint of sun-warmed leaves or sage or pine

what does gratitude taste like? cookies or bread or coffee cake - homemade, and given with joy

what does gratitude look like? a smile, a sparkle in the eye, maybe the tiniest tear shining on an eyelash, the absence of tension, joyful abandon 

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thanks to michelle for the gratitude week writing prompt

gratitude feels like sunshine

it is monday morning, just an hour till lunchtime, and i am sitting in a high school classroom.  i was grateful to find a whole wall of windows - outside of which the wind is trying to tear the last leaves off the cottonwood branches and fling them into the cold, grey sky.

i am hoping that november beats october's count on sunshine-y days - october began with a string of cloudy days, then allowed us fourteen sunny days in a row, before the clouds rolled in again and have stayed into this fifth day of november.  

my kids sometimes tease me about wanting {needing} sunny days - but i ache when i am not warm, and nothing warms me like the sun on my face, on my shoulders, on my jacket, through my windows.  nothing else eases the ache in my bones quite like the sun.  blankets and coffee, a soft sweater and the heat turned up help, but don't soak in and ease the ache they same way as sunshine.  

i am following along with michelle's gratitude week - for the fourth year in a row!  today, her prompt asked can you feel gratitude in your body?  where does it rest?  i am here, slightly chilled, my fingers working through their coolness to type these words.  and i am certain that gratitude feels like sunshine.  if i think about what i am most grateful for, it is almost like sitting in the sun.  the practice of gratitude reminds me to slow my thoughts, to take deep breaths, to relax my shoulders, to unclench my jaw, to smile.  the sun does the same.  

this morning

this morning i got up at 6:20 and turned on the lamp in the den, walked up the stairs, turned on one lamp in the living room, and turned the thermostat up so the heat would kick in.  i thumped back down the stairs, and crawled back into bed for fifteen more minutes.  

at 6:45, i got up for good, pulled on wool socks and a sweatshirt, and went to say good morning to isaac.  as he headed for the shower, i headed to the kitchen to start the oven and cook up some hashbrown squares topped with cheese and ham for the kiddos for breakfast.  i poked my head into maddie's room (even though last night she said i didn't need to check on her in the mornings . . . i just didn't want her to be late . . . ).

i watched this sweet little short, just because, and then answered a few comments on my instagram and facebook posts from yesterday.  

isaac came up and ate his breakfast while i made a sandwich for him to put in his lunch bag.  as the kids finished getting ready, maddie asked if she could drive her and isaac to school - i checked the weather, it looked like it should be fine weather for a walk to the library mid-morning, so i let her take the car.   

after they headed out, i got myself ready for the day.  then i made my bed, then isaac's bed, then looked at maddie's bed - but it is covered in blankets and clothes and random things . . . so i just picked up some things i could see needed to be washed, left the bed, and took my pile to the laundry room.  

at this point, it was raining/sleeting/snowing - so much heavy wet - and i realized that walking to the library was not what i wanted to do.  so i sat down at my desk and made some notes for the work i need to do.  then i answered some text messages before i began to sort out a few items on my desk.  

i went though a notebook and an old Bible study book and took the few things i wanted to save and glued them into my journal right then.  i added a few bits of washi tape, because washi tape makes me happy.  i threw the excess and edges away.  then i pulled out another Bible study book that i had been working through last spring.  i had missed filling in a few days of the work one week and three days of the last week of study, so i decided that i would work on finishing the book.  

i love having prompts for digging into the Word, and catalysts for thought processes and connections.  the first section i chose to work on today speaks directly to my situation, my moments, my right-now.  and this does not surprise me.  God is good like that.  His Word is living and active and does not return void.  it is milk and honey and bread and meat.  ever and always, He sustains and gives good gifts.  His timing is perfect.  i worked a good way into the lesson i picked up, wrote notes in the margins, read the scriptures, let God speak to my heart, conversed with Him, filled my mind with thoughts to mull over and be encouraged by as i continue this day and the work of this day.

at noon, maddie called to say she and some friends were on the way to our house for lunch.  i stepped out to the kitchen to tidy up a bit and made buttered toast while maddie warmed up soup.  as the three kids ate, i did the dishes and wiped down counter and stovetop.  each kiddo put their dishes into the dishwasher as they finished, so we have a clean kitchen to make supper in this evening.  everybody ate a few oatmeal raisin cookies (so glad i baked them last night!), then i grabbed what i needed, drove them back to school, and headed to the library.

the afternoon will be filled with writing.  and hopefully, the writing i do this afternoon will bear fruit that will nourish me, my family, and many, many others.  

two benedictions for the afternoon:

the Lord bless you and keep you;
the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious unto you;
the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.                   
                                                                                            Numbers 6:24-26

and

go gently, love fiercely, and be wonderful.

with love, e

right now

listening to the home playlist maddie and i made before we moved to miles city {the long way home by norah jones is still one of my favorites}

realizing that i need to put the really little buds on my ear buds

taking a tiny break to read a few blogs and type this one

working on a huge electronic filing project in the engineering department of the field office

smiling because the sun is shining today {and has been for four days in a row!}

relishing reading some more books {most recently all the light we cannot see by anthony doerr and my grandmother asked me to tell you she's sorry by fredrik backman}

drinking water this afternoon - after finishing the full pot of coffee this morning

eating pineapple and almonds and blueberry muffins today

craving potatoes {maybe mashed, or maybe roasted for supper tonight}

thinking about making cookies again {there can never be too many cookies}

looking forward to tomorrow night, when ben will be home again

planning to curl up on the couch after dark and watch a movie with isaac

trusting that God knows exactly what He has for ben and for me, for our family, as we move forward in what we do - jobs and committees and things we are a part of

treasuring the moments i spend with my kiddos

laughing about communicating with them by text and instagram and snap chat 

feeling so grateful for our cozy little house

sending letters and packages - happy mail - a few bits most weeks

sharing bits of sunshine any way i can {because then i feel the sunshine, too}

loving my people so very much

ten septembers ago

 

ten septembers ago, i started this blog

 

as i have been thinking about that, i decided to take a click-through of each month of my blogging journey

my very first post had no pictures and just these few words:

a quiet, sunny sunday afternoon. 

just figuring out how this blogging thing works. 

i certainly have a favorite that i read every day, and thought it would be fun to start my own.

so here goes! . . . welcome, whoever may read here . . .

over the next few weeks and months, i shared so much about our little life, about my marriage, my kids, my sewing, my baking, my homekeeping, bits and bits and bits

the world of blogging opened up so many creative ideas for me, it opened windows into lives that gave me encouragement and inspiration; blogging allowed me to form some really wonderful relationships with ladies who have grown to be my very real friends.  for a while, i was an every-day blogger.  it took a LOT for me to miss one day of blogging.  over the years, my blogging has been more and more sporadic,  but i believe there are only three months out of the past ten years where i did not write a single post.  i am so very glad i have this chronicle of my life and thoughts. 

listed below are some favorite and some telling posts.  have a click through, if you wish!  and leave me a comment reminding me when you started reading!  some of you, it was with that very first post!  and some of you, it has been within the last year.  i am so grateful for *all* of you!

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a favorite post from september 2009

in july 2010, we moved out of the little house we had lived in since january 2008, and worked on building a new house

september 2010 - where i found peace then, and where to find home

in january 2011, i shared a cookie recipe that i had invented (i should make these again!)

september 2011 - thoughts about seasons turning

a thursday evening in march 2012

 i'm not sure i can ever describe how thankful i am that i was able to homeschool with maddie and Isaac,  that we had those hours and days and weeks and years together.

september 2012 marked the beginning of ben pursuing wildland firefighting as his definite career path

in july 2013, ben took me to see the first mountains i had ever seen

and in august 2013, we knew that our life was going to change dramatically, again

a practically perfect day in september 2013

in december  2013, i wrote a post about all the places ben and i had lived since our wedding in 2001  {now we could add two more}

in august 2014, i wrote a post about one of our very favorite places to be - we still talk about the afternoons spent at glendalough state park, on the lake shore, under the cottonwood tree

in september 2014, i began the four on-line classes that would allow me to complete my bachelor's degree

simple and wonderful  encouragement written in february 2015

a little mix from september 2015

one friday in april 2016

and fires in june 2016

first day of school september 2016

all of january 2017 in one post

a favorite picture of my kiddos, september 2017

ben, my kids {a bit of parenting advice}, my parents - gratitudes in november 2017

thoughts on aging in march 2018

first day of school september 2018

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go gently, love fiercely, and be wonderful.

love, e

 

 

 

 

enjoy the things today

days before maddie's fifth birthday, i found her crying.  of course i asked her why she was sad.  she told me that she didn't want another age.  she just wanted to stay her four age.  why?, i asked again.  because, she told me, you like me little.  you always like when you can hold me and read to me and wrap me up in a blanket and i am little.  i don't want a big age.  i don't want to be big. 

i was so taken aback.  what had i been portraying to my girl?  oh, my heart hurt.  i kneeled next to her and hugged her and told her that yes, she had been a wonderful baby.  i have so many good memories of holding her for hours and hours, of bundling her into the front pack for walks, of all the funny toddler things she did, of all the sweet little moments.  but!  i told her, you are going to learn so many more cool things as you get older!  you'll learn to read, you'll learn to ride a bike, you'll help me do more and more big person things, and you'll teach isaac stuff as he grows older.  then you'll get old enough to drive a car, and have a job.  you'll grow old enough to have your own house, and then you can invite me over for lunch!  we are just going to keep doing more and more cool things as you grow older, as you have new ages.  i am going to just keep loving you so much every age that you are. 

she was so relieved.  and over the next few days, she became excited for her birthday. 

i have thought of this off and on, over the years. i want to make sure that my kids know that i like them right now, for who they are and what they can do and what they are learning right now. 

i am reminded of this again this morning.  i need to, and i want to

enjoy the things my kids can do today

and to let them know this, that i enjoy them today.  right now.  to give them permission to enjoy what they are doing right now.  whether what they are doing is learning a new concept or skill, whether it is telling a joke or creating a piece of art, whether it is snuggling into the coziest blanket for a rest, whether it is completing a job, whether it is making a purchase with money that they have earned, whether it is giving a gift, whether it is just being still.  that everything doesn't have to be about what they are going to do, later, down the road.  yes, we talk about the future: college, jobs, that growing-up stuff.  but i need to remember that they need to know that what they do today, right now, is worth something today.  it is worth enjoying sports practice today, because they worked hard today.  it is worth being proud of the C or the B or the A that they earned today, because it is what they earned today.  it is worth feeling heart-full when they laugh with a friend today, because there is joy in this moment.  it is worth hugging mom or dad or friend tight and long because of what that person means today, right now, in this moment. 

friends, do this for your kids.  do this for your spouse.  do this for your best friend.  remind them that they have permission to

enjoy the things that they can do today

friends, do this for yourselves.  give yourself permission to

enjoy the things that you can do today

the things don't have to be perfect, they don't have to make a huge impact on the world.  your peace and joy, when you enjoy the things you can do today, will have a far greater impact on the people in your life {and will ripple outward}, than a stress-filled, perfect execution of too many tasks and obligations taken on.  we need to give our own minds and the minds of those we love and interact with grace and space for right now, for this moment. 

i know i say this often, friends, but it is always my wish for each of you: go gently, love fiercely, and be wonderful.  love, e

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things that prompted this post:

september is suicide prevention awareness month - the phone number - 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

this video, made in memory of a personable 16-year-old boy who committed suicide in december 2017

conversations about jason hairston

this article and this one about a vibrant 17-year-old girl who committed suicide in march 2018

this song and this song and this song and this song and this song 

{gratitudes right now. and real life}
* coffee - because coffee
* a great water bottle - because hydration, because a fun place to put stickers from friends and places i’ve been, because i had my hydro flask before all the kids figured out they were cool
* honey nut cheerios - because mid-morning snack, because gluten-free, because coconut milk
* glasses - because reading and writing
* bright flowers - because cheery, because ben picked them out, because i arranged them, because they were the birthday decorations for sunday and are still pretty today
* a banana and crumbs and bracelets - because my kids live here
* isaac’s bible - because he can read it, because he does read it, because it is full of good words
* this table - because it had almost a hundred years of stories before our almost-seventeen years of stories
* vitamins, an assortment - because we have an awesome NP and friend who has helped me figure out what we need, because we can fortify and help our bodies through back-to-school and new sports seasons and long work days
* hairspray (yes. on the kitchen counter) - because i did a trial run on hair and makeup for maddie for her upcoming homecoming dance (and we made her look so pretty, and we opted not to fill her eyebrows)
{and outside of the frame}
* potatoes cooking - because potatoes make me feel really good
* isaac’s football pads and cleats on the floor - because he loves having something structured to work hard at
* all my violets in bloom - because they all came from a plant that i gave to my grandma years ago, and because when my violets bloom, it means our house is home

 

my piano

when we moved, back in january, we didn't move our piano.  the temperatures were well below zero all of the days we were moving, and instruments don't do well if they get frozen.  i didn't want to risk the soundboard in my piano.  so, my piano stayed in the government housing in south dakota. 

the house we bought had a piano in it, and in the exhaustion from moving, i toyed with the idea of just keeping the piano that was in the house, and leaving mine where it was.  isaac was adamant that we needed our own piano.  and after living in the house for a bit, i realized that, yes. of course i wanted to have my piano {it was a gift from my mom and dad in 2010}.  i waited until ben had more than one day off in a row with no rain in the forecast.  last sunday afternoon, ben and I took a drive.  and our friend who lives in our old place now helped us load the piano into the bed of the pick up.  we strapped it down and drove on home. 

on monday {labor day, how fitting}, the kids and ben and i moved the piano into our house.  and i have been playing and playing and playing.  i am so very grateful to have my piano here, in our home. 

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photo cred: maddie / @m.elizabeth.p or @lynnie_photography_

saturday at the office :: five little {or not so little} things

i worked my last scheduled saturday for the summer this past weekend.  now, unless there is a fire to dispatch, i'll be heading to volleyball or football games on saturdays.  this saturday, i was the only one in the office - so, I kept the door and windows open and popped in and out and read a bit and moved around in between answering a few phone calls and keeping track of the other people who were working their last saturday for the summer as well. 

a little corner of my desk {because patches, green plants, a picture of my hubby, stuff to drink}

a toad {because sunshine and shadow}

this book {because trees are fascinating, and who knew so many of the ways they have shaped history}

looking down {because my first pair of birkenstocks, and my twenty-year-old wildflower tattoo}

and looking up {because this tower is part of the communications that keep dispatch connected to our people in the field}

 

 

remind them that they are wonderful

children do not need us to shape them.  they need us to respond to who they are.  ~ naomi aldort

you do not have to make your children into wonderful people.  you just have to remind them that they are wonderful people.  if you do this consistently from the day they are born, they will believe it easily.  ~ william martin

both these quotes at once resonated with me and brought just a smidge of discomfort.  
the words met me deep in my being and rang true. 
then why the discomfort? 
because i was raised in a tradition that teaches that parents train and shape and mold their children.  
i read parenting books handed to me by people i trusted that expounded on this training and shaping. 
books that explained that if a child is not fitting a mold, they need discipline. 
that if, upon the carrying out of disciplinary measures there is still not the desired result,
the child must be rebellious, must need a harsher form of discipline,
must need their will to be broken in order to be rightly built. 
there is something to that.  maybe.  in some circumstances. 

but as ben and i have parented together, 
we have read and studied the bible and scholarly writing and parenting books of all sorts,
we have watched others parent, we have watched little ones grow into bigger ones,
and it is so evident that we are all wonderful
and we are all broken.  
that at times, we break each other. 
that life sends all sorts of situations and circumstances and hard things our way try to break us. 
and we as parents should be always in the process of learning our children - each one - learning them,
and learning what breaks them and what builds them, 
and doing our best to give them the tools to do a lot of building. 
building of their own character, building up of others, building good in the world.

i think that what rings so true about the two quotes is that i desire to see the good,
to build, not break. 
that i know beyond a shadow of a doubt
that each of us is fearfully and wonderfully made. 
that there is One who knows a thousand and a thousand times better than i who my children are and are to be.  
my job as their mom takes all of my mind, soul, heart, and strength. 
some days, some moments, it takes all that i have to build them not break them,
not because of who they are, or even what they do, but because of who i am. 
my true job is to love them fiercely,
learn who they are,
point them to the One who made them,
who knit them together inside of me,
who has prepared good works for them each to do,
who lays out the way for each of us to walk in,
my job is to facilitate as they respond to His call and His leading.

if i do these things,
i am responding to who God made each one of them to be,
not who i or anyone else might think they should be.
i am reminding them that they are truly wonderful creations.
and i will affirm these two
and cheer for all i am worth
as they manifest the fruit of the spirit
in the unique and wonderful ways that God has ordained for each of them. 

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references taken from psalm 139:13-16 , ephesians, 2:10, isaiah 30:21, galatians 5:22-23