bits of sunshine

9 november 2021

gratitudes today ::

the cup of fresh, warm coffee my friend stacy brought me tonight when she picked me up for our city council meeting

a friend who shares clothes 

sunshine on a day that i thought was forecast to be cloudy

my tuesday morning meeting group

reasons to be up and away from my desk often today

sweet potatoes

people who offer sincere compliments

friends who ask hard questions and have real conversations

finding ways to share our home

all four of us plus one at home, ready to settle in for the night

 

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being thankful is not always experienced as a natural state of existence,
we must work at it, akin to a type of strength training for the heart .
– larissa gomez

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but thanks be to God,
who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession,
and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere.
2 corinthians 2:14

2 november 2021

this month is full, full, full

but a lot of the things are going to be very happy things

some paid days off {for ben and me}

some days off school {for madi and isaac}

a choir concert {that madi will sing in}

a rock concert {to be preformed by some schoolmates - our tickets are purchased!}

the first hockey games of the season {that isaac will play in and ben will coach}

ben's birthday {not his 43rd, as he keeps telling me - i don't know why he wants to add a year?}

thanksgiving {accounting for some of the days off and reminding us to be thankful always}

the 20th wedding anniversary of b+e {yes. that says 20. ben and i just keep looking at each other and commenting on this fact in amazement.}

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at times our own light goes out
and is rekindled by a spark from another person.
each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude
of those who have lighted the flame within us.
–albert schweitzer

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"you will be enriched in every way
so that you can be generous on every occasion;
your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God."
2 Corinthians 9:11

 

1 november 2021

november first

sitting in the living room at number six twelve, finding coziness on a cool fall evening

thinking about making some lists this month

november and a focus on gratitude seem to go hand in hand -
so, this morning, i wrote on a post-it write a gratitude list every day this mornth

here is a list for the first day of novebmer:

* i have been doing my job at miles community college for a whole year

* i have been a city council person for a whole year

* we have had the cozy furniture and rug and our favorite artwork hung on the walls in our living room for a whole year now {and i am thinking about what little projects i might want to do next . . . maybe with some black paint . . . we'll see . . . adding little touches and doing projects to keep making this house our home is a joy to me}

* good, good news for ben today

* madi and isaac together downstairs watching a movie - and i can hear the low runble of isaac's voice and the lilt of madi's laugh - hearing my kids talk together is one of my very favorite things

* the beauty of changing leaves and a changing season

* a full november calendar - there are many things to celebrate this month {that list is coming tomorrow}

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happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed.
happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.
–denis waitley

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"do not be anxious about anything,
but in every situation,
by prayer and petition,
with thanksgiving,
present your requests to God.
and the peace of God,
which transcends all understanding,
will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
philippians 4:6-7

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and on into november we go. 
go gently, love fiercely, and be wonderful, my friends.

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also - you are welcome to join me this month, if you wish, in listing your gratitudes - in the comments here on my blog, on facebook, on instagram, in your journal . . . however you choose. 

one option for naming your gratitude this month is to join a community of gratitude listers here, with michelle, who is a gracious and welcoming facilitator - i always love the prompts that michelle offers and the connections that she fosters. click on over and join gratitude week {november 8 - 14} as michelle's gift to any of us who would like to turn our attention to gratitude. i just signed up. 

 

maybe he will calm the raging sea

the other night i pulled mary oliver's new and selected poems off my shelf.  i was looking for a poem to send to a friend, and as i found the one i was looking for, this one caught my eye as well

Maybe

Sweet Jesus, talking
    his melancholy madness,
        stood up in the boat
            and the sea lay down,

silky and sorry,
    So everybody was saved
        that night.
            But you know how it is

when something
    different crosses
        the threshold — the uncles
          mutter together,

the women walk away,
    the young brother begins
        to sharpen his knife.
            Nobody knows what the soul is.

It comes and goes
    like the wind over the water —
        sometimes, for days,
            you don’t think of it.

Maybe, after the sermon,
    after the multitude was fed,
        one or two of them felt
            the soul slip forth

like a tremor of pure sunlight
    before exhaustion,
        that wants to swallow everything,
            gripped their bones and left them

miserable and sleepy,
    as they are now, forgetting
        how the wind tore at the sails
            before he rose and talked to it —

tender and luminous and demanding
    as he always was —
        a thousand times more frightening
            than the killer sea.

i savored the tremor of pure sunlight; i felt the wind tearing at the sails and retreating to a sleepy silence; i see Jesus, fearful and tender and luminous, demanding that the sea and the people listen to him. i wanted to find the scripture that mary took her inspiration from, Matthew 8:23-27, reads

 And when he got into the boat, his disciples followed him.  And behold, there arose a great storm on the sea, so that the boat was being swamped by the waves; but he was asleep.  And they went and woke him, saying, “Save us, Lord; we are perishing.”  And he said to them, “Why are you afraid, O you of little faith?” Then he rose and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was a great calm.  And the men marveled, saying, “What sort of man is this, that even winds and sea obey him?”

last night, i picked up my copy of god speaks through wombs by drew jackson. the third poem i read tonight is titled 

The Raging Sea

and the accompanying scripture reference is Luke 8:22-25

One day he got into a boat with his disciples, and he said to them, “Let us go across to the other side of the lake.” So they set out,  and as they sailed he fell asleep. And a windstorm came down on the lake, and they were filling with water and were in danger.  And they went and woke him, saying, “Master, Master, we are perishing!” And he awoke and rebuked the wind and the raging waves, and they ceased, and there was a calm.  He said to them, “Where is your faith?” And they were afraid, and they marveled, saying to one another, “Who then is this, that he commands even winds and water, and they obey him?”

next to this passage in my Bible, i had penned Psalm 65:7-8, so of course i turned there, and, because i had underlined 5-8, that is what i read

By awesome deeds you answer us with righteousness,
    O God of our salvation,
the hope of all the ends of the earth
    and of the farthest seas;
the one who by his strength established the mountains,
    being girded with might;
who stills the roaring of the seas,
    the roaring of their waves,
    the tumult of the peoples,
so that those who dwell at the ends of the earth are in awe at your signs.
You make the going out of the morning and the evening to shout for joy.

so here, in one of the psalms of david, we have God stilling the roaring of the sea, the roaring of the waves, and the tumult of people.

then i read drew's poem:

The Raging Sea

Growing up, I heard tales of sea monsters.
Some called them whales,
some said Leviathan --
giants, 

the size of empires.
Untamable, chaotic, overwhelming.
No one could tell what their next move would be.

We never stood a chance,
like minnows,
in the ocean of great powers.

The only thing more potent
than the monsters who cause storms
is the one who can calm them. But I guess
he's sleeping, because the beasts rage on.

the ending of drew's poem is the ending of david's psalm create a dissonance. joy and rage. the ending of mary's poem and the ending of david's psalm also create a dissonance. awesome and frightening. 

there is one more telling of the story in scripture. and it is of interest to note that, because of roman imperial occumpation and the temple's destruction and desecration, the atmosphere of the disciples' world was full of fear, grief, lamentation, and dread. the storm that overtakes their boat and the boats around them, is one more monster that threatens to overtake them, to take their very lives. and Jesus has laid down on a cushion and fallen asleep. we find a third telling in Mark 4:35-41

On that day, when evening had come, he said to them, “Let us go across to the other side.”  And leaving the crowd, they took him with them in the boat, just as he was. And other boats were with him.  And a great windstorm arose, and the waves were breaking into the boat, so that the boat was already filling.  But he was in the stern, asleep on the cushion. And they woke him and said to him, “Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?”  And he awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, “Peace! Be still!” And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.  He said to them, “Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?”  And they were filled with great fear and said to one another, “Who then is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?”

the disciples would have heard david's psalm read in synagogue. they would have known that it is God who stills the raging wind, the raging sea, the tumult within the people. and here was Jesus in the midst of the storm, demanding that the sea lay down, fearlessly commanding the wind and waves to still. who is this man? the wind and waves obey him. what sort of a man is he? is       he even             a man?       . . . the relief from fear, the absence of wind, the almost eerie calm, leaves them unnerved.  

our lives sometimes fill with fear, grief, lamentation, and dread. we are threatened by storms that break over us. there are monsters that rage on for days, weeks, months, years, and even lifetimes. in our distress, tossed in the untamable sea, though we cry out in unbelief, he may yet calm the storm, he may yet bring joy, he may yet remain with us, girded with might, awesome and terrible, beautiful and more powerful than any other force we have ever known. unsettling even as he brings peace. 

 

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if you want to hear me read aloud and talk about this, you can listen at my vimeo site

 

so, about social media

let me tell you a little story. 

one day last week, i texted a verse to a handful of friends. just that. and the tiny replies i got encouraged me to think about sending another the next day. 

that morning, i was doing a quick scroll down facebook and saw this:

By the tender mercy of our God, the dawn from on high will break upon us, to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the way of peace.    Luke 1:78-79

Good Morning

 

this verse and morning wish were shared by a friend i have actually never met in real life.  {ben has known her since he was a kid.  i have known her on facebook for a few years.}  and i thought, this. i need to share this verse today.  so, i have texted this blessing of mercy and light and peace out into the world.  and as another friend who i know because of instagram says, if one person is touched, the Word has done its job. today, i can name at least nine people who have been touched by this Word this morning.  

 

in the last few days there has been more talk of the power that facebook and instagram have to negatively impact individuals, families, communities, and the world.  

there is the potential.  i have dear friends who won't use facebook for a variety of reasons.  and i respect their reasons.

i think i felt the negative most deeply when i started using pinterest. i was building my boards and i built one that i named realistic exercise. i had some friends that i was following who posted workout ideas and i thought that these were helpful. 'ten minutes to a more toned stomach'. 'these five exercise five times for firmer triceps'.  'this three minute exercise for a shapely butt'. just a few minutes; just a few exercises; i should be able to take the time for these things. and at the end of each day, when i hadn't done the ten minutes and the five sets and the three minutes, etc., i felt like a failure. i tried doing sets of exercises in the bathroom before i hopped in the shower. i tried doing workouts in the middle of the day, early in the morning, in the evening - and i always came up short. or so it seemed. i coudln't keep up with my pinterest board and the friends who were posting these tips and tricks. 

so you know what i did? i unfollowed every board that had exercises. i unfollowed every board that had workout clothes. i unfollowed some friends' whole pinterest accounts. i cleaned up my board - so it includes few exercises and some encouragement. i reaffirmed myself in going for walks and bike rides and swims with my kids and husband. i reaffirmed myself in gardening and cleaning my house and mowing my lawn. i reaffirmed myself in breathing fresh air and playing. 

when i joined facebook - back when status updates were simply typed lines and pictures had to be uploaded in albums and everything was chronological - when i joined facebook, i would sit down for a few minutes, or longer, and simply read friends' status updates and leave them little messages on their walls. i would write an encouragement, a happy thought, a wish for a wonderful weekend. 

when i started blogging (in 2008), ben helped me come up with the name bits of sunshine because that is what i wanted to share, what i look for.  

when i joined instagram, i did so because all my friends from flickr had moved to instagram and i missed them. some of them who had been blogging regularly weren't blogging regularly any longer - but they were posting to instagram. i found my way into instagram and connected with blog friends and flickr friends and real life friends and branched out to find new friends.

i cannot tell you how very rich my life is because of the way i have interected with people through social media. i don't {usually} mindlessly scroll. i read. i comment. i continue conversations. i actively follow new accounts that bring me joy, teach me something new, and some that introduce discomfort into my thought process. i unfollow accounts that i find myself quickly scrolling past or that always put me in a critical mindset. if i can't interact with the account owner and learn from them and with them or mutually encourage or share joy and beauty, then i don't need to have that account in my feed. i rarely view the explore option or reels. when my feed on facebook or instagram shows more adds than posts from my friends, i sign off. 

because of this blog and instagram, i have friends all over the world. we send mail and packages and books from our homes to each other. we have real conversations in our posts and comments. we send email. we sometimes have phone call chats. i have met a few in person and hope to meet many more. 

because of the blogs i have read over the years and because of instagram and a few facebook groups, i have had the opportunity to learn and learn and learn. 

i am very thoughtful about how i interact with all of this internet-land. i look for opportunities to learn opportunities to be encouraged. opportunities to encourage. ephesians 4:25-29 and philippians 1:2-11 and 4:4-8 and colossians 4:6 and first peter 3:15 are all guides for my mind and heart in how i use social media. 

i work to focus on encouragement and joy and truth and real, raw life and hope and finding the beauty and making a way for the light to shine. 

the article below highlights some of the comments from frances haugen's testimony. i agree with so much of this. i miss the days of chronological facebook and instagram. i feel like that did allow for a more human experience. if that ever were to be brought back, i would love it. but, if not, i think the awareness that the algorythm tires to drive how people interact with your posts - the knowledge is helpful. and we can go find our friends' posts and interact with them on our own terms - it takes some effort, but everything good takes some effort. and there is satisfaction in putting forth the effort, there is satisfaction in beating the algorythm. 

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{From the article Facebook Whistleblower Testifies by Barbara Ortutay and David Klepper on October 5, 2021}

 

Former Facebook data scientist Frances Haugen told lawmakers that new regulations are needed to force Facebook to improve its platforms. But she stopped short of calling for a breakup of the company, saying it wouldn’t fix existing problems, instead calling for small changes that could bring the needed results.

Making changes to reduce the spread of misinformation and other harmful content wouldn’t require a wholesale reinvention of social media, Haugen said. One of the simplest changes could be to just organize posts in chronological order instead of letting computers predict what people want to see based on how much engagement — good or bad — it might attract.

Another was to add one more click before users can easily share content, which she said Facebook knows can dramatically reduce misinformation and hate speech.

“A lot of the changes that I’m talking about are not going to make Facebook an unprofitable company, it just won’t be a ludicrously profitable company like it is today,” she said.

She said Facebook won’t make those changes on its own if it might halt growth, even though the company’s own research showed that people use the platform less when they’re exposed to more toxic content.

“One could reason a kinder, friendlier, more collaborative Facebook might actually have more users five years from now, so it’s in everyone’s interest,” she said.

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a kinder, friendlier, more collaborative facebook would be fantastic. but for now, we can be the kind, friendly, collaborative humans who connect over social media. 

like a plant

really, i am like a plant
(an often transplanted plant)

i need plenty of sunshine,

plenty of water,

some storms to strengthen me,

somewhere to put my roots down
(even if i will be transplanted again)
(i will gather the nutrients i can from the soil i am in)
(and always, my roots are twined with my husband's and held by the Maker),

and a big, big sky to stretch toward

 

you've seen the pictures

you've seen the pictures
i know you have
the ones of black humans
clothed in t-shirts and shorts,
carrying children
and a few belongings in plastic shopping bags
the pictures of white men
wearing bullet proof vests and boots and hats,
astride horses,
furling the ends of their reins like whips

you've seen the pictures
i know you have
fear, or is it resolve?
in those eyes looking up from dark faces
the pictures
of resolve, or is it hatred?
in the those eyes looking down from light faces 

you've seen those pictures
of haitians being rounded up,
pushed back,
herded away,
into the river 

i don't need to post them  
you've seen them  

my heart dropped and my stomach clenched
when i first saw the pictures
and as i continue to see them 

do you feel angry? one friend asked me

no, i don't necessarily feel anger. 
i feel a profound and deep sadness,
my spirit laments,
i am horrified that this is the way
human are being dehumanized

and i don't need to show you those pictures 

blessed are those who don't need to see it (again) to believe

may the fruit of your belief
be a total commitment
to deconstructing the systems
rife with vestigal slavery
that continue to bloody and batter black bodies *

i have such a collection of screen shots on my phone,
quotes and thoughts collected last monday and tuesday
let me summarize some of them for you:

i won't show you the pictures

and do you really need to see them again to believe? 
does america's state sanctioned terrorism
upon black bodies
horrify and shock your conscious at this point?
is it surprising? 
how many black people will it take
to bear withness
through the words of their testimonies
and the brutalization of their bodies
for you to believe? 
who else must have their dignity trampled on
by the public display of their inhumane torture? 
photographs and videos
of real people
being murdered and abused
are circulated throughout the media
as if the violence
black people endure
is casual and common. *

i won't show you the pictures, but

for clarity, we have:
white men on horses
with whips split reins, part of the bridle
(which looks like and is being used like a whip)
rounding up haitian people

these pictures do not "need context" 
this is blatant white supremecy,
anti-blackness,
and the very expression of american hatred
at the heart of ideas like "border safety"
this is not just horrible,
these actions completely disregard black humanity **

and i can't stop thinking about a james baldwin quote:
america became white -
the people who, as they claim, 'settled' the country
became white -
because of the necessity of
denying the black presence
and justifying the black subjugation. **

america is neither just nor honest nor equal. 
our history or present is niether herculean or heroic. 
america is racist. 
this is the national story and failure
and what we are forced to endure. 
and until the country faces this,
we the poeple will never be free. **

if you still don't think
that border patrol whipping black haitian asylum seekers with their reins
is rooted in white supremacy,
then remember that
asylum is legal
and that there are ~600,000 undocumented (mostly white) canadians
in america
and you never once saw boder patrol
whip them, cage them, or block them from entry. ^

it is not illegal for immagrants to travel to or otherwise approach the united states border to seek awylum as a political refugee
8 U.S.C. 1158 (codified the Refugee Act of 1980) 
"in general, any alien who is physically present in the united states or who arrives in the united states (whether or not at a designated port of arrival and in cluding an alien who is brought to the united states after having been interdicted in international or united states waters), irrespecitve of such alien's status, may apply for asylum in accordance with this section or, where applicable, section 1225(b) of this title."
8 U.S.C. 1158(a)(1)

also, the hatians at the border aren't undocumented immigrants
or illegals or migrants. 
they had a presidentail assasination,
an earthquake,
and a hurricane in less than two months. 
they're asylum seekers -
maybe even refugees. *^

our leaders are addressing a humanitarian crisis
with a national security response. 
when we see mothers being tear gassed with babies in their arms,
when we see vulnerable people being pushed away by guards on horses,
when we hear talk about higher walls and more weapons . . .
this should bring us into the tension
that plays out along the borders every day. 
we are addressing a humitarian crisis
with a national security response. 
recently, we remembered the anniversary of 9/11. 
it is worth noting that before that date,
immigration was housed under the department of human services. 
after 9/11,
in response to a few brown bodies
who brought terror to the united states,
immigration was moved under the department of homeland security. 
what we see happening repeatedly now
is a mismatch. 
law enforcement officials have been hired to protect the country from outsiders. 
but the humanitarian crisis knocking on our door require a different response. ^*^

we have people at our borders,
tired, poor, huddled masses,
begging to be welcomed,
yearning to breathe free

and how do we meet them?  
we have pictures of how we meet them

and every posted image
of a white man on horseback,
driving terrified babies, cowering women, split-rein whipped men
like herds to be sorted,
is normalizing perversion. 
trauma is contorted into images for consumption
a pornography of terror. 
violence is made mundane. 
this country has long attempted
to normalize violence against black bodies. 
resisit this pathology.  

texas,
where hatian children, women, and men
are being beaten back for craving survival,
is a state where god-fearing children, women, and men
scheduled lynchings after church. 
they sent each other photo postcards of murdered children, women, and men as keepsakes,
or would just go home with severed genitals, charred skin, fingers, and eyes. 
the memory titillated. 
these heirlooms of the power to terrorize
were a catechism of supremecy,
an uncilvilized communion of civilization.

the next generation is being discipled
into dehumanizing and violent lust. 
digital heirlooms of terror are being passed. 
history repeats itself. 
resist. 
black bodies are sacred. 
treat them as such.  ^^

an incredible artist i follow, nikkolas smith, 
did a speed painting on tuesday morning of toussaint louverture on a horse 
toussaint louveture was a hatian general
who led the greatest uprising of enslaved people of all time
this is the only image of a haitian person and a horse that i want imprinted in my mind 

and what must we do? 

do not forget to show hospitality to strangers,
for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels. 
hebrews 13:2

you shall treat the foreigner as if they were your own flesh and blood,
and you shall love them as you love yourselves,
for you were once foreigners in the land of your sojurning. 
leviticus 19:34

we love you, people sojurning from haiti,
you are made in the image of God,
your lives matter

 

* amber w sims   ** dante stewart   ^ qusim rashid, esq.   ^^ sharifa    *^ sawyer hacket   ^*^ sarah quezada

learning. 17 september 2021

children do not need us to shape them.  they need us to respond to who they are.  ~ naomi aldort

you do not have to make your children into wonderful people.  you just have to remind them that they are wonderful people.  if you do this consistently from the day they are born, they will believe it easily.  ~ william martin

both these quotes at once resonated with me but also brought a twinge of discomfort.  
the words met me deep in my being and rang true. 
then why the discomfort? 
because i was raised in a tradition that teaches that parents train and shape and mold their children.  
i read parenting books handed to me by people i trusted that expounded on this training and shaping. 
books that explained that if a child is not fitting a mold, they need discipline. 
that if, upon the carrying out of disciplinary measures there is still not the desired result,
the child must be rebellious, must need a harsher form of discipline,
must need their will to be broken in order to be rightly built. 
there is something to that.  maybe.  in some circumstances. 

but as ben and i have parented together, 
we have read and studied the bible and articles and some other parenting books,
we have watched others parent, we have watched little ones grow into bigger ones,
and it is so evident that we are all wonderful
and we are all broken.  
that at times, we break each other. 
that life sends all sorts of situations and circumstances and hard things our way try to break us. 
and we as parents should be always in the process of learning our children - each one - learning them,
and learning what breaks them and what builds them, 
and doing our best to give them the tools to do a lot of building. 
building of their own character, building up of others, building good in the world.

i think that what rings so true about the two quotes is that i desire to see the good,
to build, not break. 
that i know beyond a shadow of a doubt
that each of us is fearfully and wonderfully made. 
that there is One who knows a thousand and a thousand times better than i who my children are and are to be.  
my job as their mom takes all of my mind, soul, heart, and strength. 
some days, some moments, it takes all that i have to build them not break them,
not because of who they are, or even what they do, but because of who i am. 
my true job is to love them fiercely,
learn who they are,
point them to the One who made them,
who knit them together inside of me,
who has prepared good works for them each to do,
who lays out the way for each of us to walk in,
my job is to facilitate as they respond to His call and His leading.

if i do these things,
i am responding to who God made each one of them to be,
not who i or anyone else might think they should be.
i am reminding them that they are truly wonderful creations.
and i will affirm these two
and cheer for all i am worth
as they manifest the fruit of the spirit
in the unique and wonderful ways that God has ordained for each of them. 

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references taken from psalm 139:13-16 , ephesians, 2:10, isaiah 30:21, galatians 5:22-23

.learning. 2 september 2021

 
there is a thing i am learning - 

 

if i want to share the things that resonate with me,

if i want to have an impact for good,

i need to share here, in my own space.  

 

i, at times, have used other’s spaces to write thoughts

that i want to share,

and have not shared in my own space -

because i haven't wanted to deal with the ramifications -

maybe i have been scared,

maybe i have felt like i don't have the energy,

maybe i have realized how different some

many of my thought processes are than they used to be,

maybe i don't want people to think that i am falling away from my faith,

falling away from convictions. 

because i'm not. 

not falling away from my faith. 

not falling away from reading the Word and applying the Word. 

not falling away from convictions. 

no.  not falling away at all. 

falling into conviction.  falling in deeper.    

 

over the past few years,

i have used other’s spaces to explore my thoughts -

and i don't think this is wrong -

i have explored thoughts in places where i felt validated -

far more often than explaining my thoughts in my own space

where i feel like i could be misunderstood and maybe attacked.  

and this has been good.  

i have been able to feel out, to practice.

 

but i am at a point where

i need to continue to flesh these things out in the world. 

i have sent some thoughts and ideas out

here, in my spaces -

i have had opportunity to converse, to explain, to grow -

 

and i still have room to grow.  

 

i realized that i have done a lot of exploration,

thinking,

sharing

in comment sections of blogs

and comments on instagram posts

and comments on facebook posts. 

i have shared articles on facebook on a friend’s page

rather than sharing on my own page.

 

i am realizing that this is not fair.  

it has been an ok way to start exploring some thoughts and ideas

and thinking and forming an opinion,

but it is not an ok or fair way to continue.  

if i’m going to call it my opinion,

i need to own it in my own space.

 

when i am silent about a hot button topic, here's why: 

sometimes i am tired

but those i feel compelled to stand up for are exhausted

sometimes i don't want to make a scene

but the scene has already been made - i can either stand silently by, or i can call it what it is

sometimes i choose not to cast pearls before swine

and this reason takes so. much. discernment. 

 

then there is the argument that saying the words,

writing the words,

following through with an action 

is devisive.

no. it's not.

 

me stating a conviction won't create division - 

the division is already there - 

my statements are revelatory

 

i show where i stand

and those who comment show where they stand

 

and then, 

then i can use my energy to encourage mature,

constructive conversation,

to move us toward life.

 

so, here's to learning,

to growing,

to speaking,

to falling deeper into conviction - 

convictions born of thought 

and research

and listening

and love 

and grace

 

always and ever learning,

e

 

 

.. . .. .. . . . .. . ... .. . ... .. . .. . ... . ..  .  .. . . . .. . . .

 

i started to write this piece over a year ago, and recently deidra riggs' 30 Days to Being Anti-Racist booklet prompted me to write more, and there are so many things happening right now that get my thoughts going, my heart hurting, and my fight reflexes aching for a way to write and speak for justice and true mercy.  here i am.  and here i will continue to be.  i will sometimes go gently, and sometimes go stomping a roaring; i will love fiercely; and i will share what i know to be true and full of hope.  

 

 

 

 

 

31 august 2021

today maddie started her senior year of high school, and isaac started his junior year of high school .

and i made them french toast and took a picture this morning.

and because i love the comparison pictures, here's a comparison to the year maddie started kindergarten.

 

these fantastic humans. 
i don't wish that they were little again. 
i like that they are taller than me. 
i so enjoy talking about issues and politics and morals and the bible and relationships with them. 
i like seeing what they create, how they dress, how they style their hair. 
i like to read what they write for homework assignments,
and hear what they think about people and situations. 
i like to watch {some} of their shows and listen to {some} of their music. 
i love going on drives with them
or sitting under our trees with them
or sharing a meal or a snack. 
i just plain like them both. 
so much. 

here's to a new year of school and life and learning and growing.  here's to realness and rawness and beauty and joy. 

here's to the courage to be yourself unapologetically; the courage to keep going with resiliency, balance, and awareness; the courage to do the right thing even when it's uncomfortable or unpopular; the courage to feel your emotions both positive and negative; the courage to learn, unlearn, and relearn with an open and flexible mind; and the courage to live with purpose and meaning, setting your mind and heart on the one who gives abundant life and strength and grace.  

go gently, love fiercely, and be wonderful. 

love,e