bits of sunshine

randomness from monday

i stayed home with my maddie girl in the morning.  she's fighting something off, she hadn't slept well on sunday night, so i let her sleep in on monday morning and then she and i played mancala together and played piano together.  i made her a bit of lunch, and snuggled her in with a movie while i went on a little field trip with isaac's class. 

the guy in orange is my guy.  the little guy closest to my camera ran up to me when i joined the kiddos and said, " you're isaac's mom!  isaac is so nice.  he is such a good friend!"  then the little guy next to isaac told me, "yeah.  isaac is a good buddy.  i like him." 

what fun to tromp around outside - even though the sky was mostly heavy and grey and the wind was was whipping along briskly - and to see my guy interacting with all his classmates.  he is so kind to all of them, and is so interested in what the grown-ups are saying and teaching.  i'm proud of him!

later, i got to snuggle by these two dears:

and after supper, maddie set to work making some really pretty bead and string bookmarks for her teacher and student teacher out at the prairie.  she is so thoughtful.  she used browns and golds for mrs. d.  "because she likes those colors a lot!"  and all sorts of blues for miss q.  "because she always wears something blue."

behind maddie is this - my new wall arrangement:

which i had to figure out because (thank you, renee!) i needed a place to display this lovely:

in other news:

i keep getting to sub.  almost every day.  i am growing to have some favorite rooms and favorite kiddos.  this is a good job for me. 

we keep getting random little bits of winter. though not like north of us. i'm so glad. most of our snow has melted and we can still see the ground through the little bits that have fallen recently. it's still cold,though. i'm ready for a warm-up!

i've been cooking some yummy new cookies and making some tasty, frothy hot drinks.  i'll share recipes soon.  i'm working on a post about what we eat - and i'll include some of our favorite recipes. 

i'm also working on some other writing.  a thought-filled blog post.  a book (more about that soon!).  letters.  and some other bits.  i've been keeping up with my notebook, too.  still such a helpful tool!

i also made a bunch of earrings again.  i'll have them listed for sale soon!

my birthday boquet from my mom is still lovely and fresh!  what a treat on these cold and grey days!

and for now, my friends - be wonderful! 

love, ~e

 

colorado springs community

what a great place for the guys to be - they had incredible support from the community!

and they got to tent on the baseball field at Pine Creek High School (on flat, even, grassy ground!)

 

this is how the firefighters were met at shift change, morning and evening, every day.  the residents of Colorado Springs, some who had lost homes, some who didn't know if their homes were standing, some who still had a home to return to, would come out with signs and flags and cheers and hugs and goodies to encourage the firefighters.  i am so grateful for each one who turned out to boost the morale of the firefighters!

one of the ladies who had been at many of the parades, gave the guys her facebook contact info, so they could see the pictures she had taken (thank you, K!).  on 6.21 i scoured her pictures for a glimpse of my husband.  since he had been gone (he left on 6.13), i had only seen one picture of him.  i didn't find a single picture of ben on her page, but i left a message on her wall that i was looking for pictures of the Minnesota firefighter with the big black beard.  a friend of hers commented back that she had some pictures she was sure i would like to see.  i gave her my email. 

then, (with help from a news station facebook page) i found a video of some firefighters recieving hand-turned wooden pens from a middle-school class.  and for mere seconds, there was my husband.  i posted the clip to facebook, along with this:

it's funny. i know that there are a lot of pictures of ben out there somewhere. the shift change parades - every night people were taking pictures. and the last one on thursday night, ben knows he was photographed many times. but i can't find these pictures on any of the public websites. earlier today i had myself convinced that i had found him in a picture . . . it wasn't him. then tonight, maddie and i thought for sure we'd found him, but the beard shape wasn't quite right. nor was the date (2012) . . . i don't mind sharing ben's time and work ethic and firefighting skills with others, but the idea of sharing his face - over and over again - with people i don't know . . . and not getting to see even a few of these pictures . . . it's very strange. i finally tracked down this video after searching most of the day. and there he is. for just a moment. unmistakably his hand, and then his dear, handsome face! if only i could have a still of 1:05!

well, ben's cousin captured the stills for me!

and then, on saturday morning (6.22), i opened my email to this:

 and after becoming friends with the lovely sender (L) on facebook, i found these, too:

being able to see ben's face and watch the short news clip did wonders for me and for the kids.  they were pretty excited to see some pictures of ben!  maddie got teary - the only time i've seen her tear up in 11 days - and held the video very close and said, "oh, i could just kiss dad's face."

me, too, maddie-girl.  me, too.

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a present in . . . the fridge???

yep.  in the fridge.

why? you ask.  well, because it was ben's favorite monster, bought by maddie, wrapped up, and tucked in the fridge to keep them cold until he came home.  :)

where was he?  you might also ask.

he was on the green valley fire for 5 days.  working hard to help put it out.  and then he told us all about it when he got home.

he brought his maps and spread them on the floor and explained the fire and its behaviors, and his part in mapping it out and calling in some helicopter water drops, and clearing some jackpine stands and marking and putting out hotspots in his and his partner's area. 

i love listening to ben tell about where he's been and what he's been doing - how he's helped people.  so many, many homes were saved.  but there was so much devestation as well.  ben met this guy - it's so amazing how people step up to help others when there is disaster.

there's been a LOT of ash on his boots now! 

i'm so grateful that he can be out, doing what he's really, really good at.  and then he gets to return to a present in the fridge and three people who love him more than anything in the world.

i have this sweet girl

who found my cookie recipe on tuesday evening, and mixed up a double batch, baked a pan ful, wrote me a card, and helped her brother write one for me as well, all while ben was studying and i was working my last shift!  so i came home to this

and i sat down with a glass of milk and dunked cookies and munched away (oh yum!) as i reflected on my last 2 1/2 years of working away from my home and family.  i liked my job (usually).  but i did not like juggling keeping my home and teaching my kids and helping my husband and finding sitters and going off to work.  we all four did our part to keep things going smoothly.  the kiddos didn't moan and fuss about going to one more sitters house or doing one more blitz pick-up so someone could come here to watch them or watching one more movie so mom could get a nap.  they just hung in there and even helped out.  so often they made me lunch or wrote me little notes or ran out to start the car . . . they've been such troopers.  things that they've wanted to do or have me do have been put on hold, and they've learned from that, i know.  my wonderful ben made suppers for him and the kiddos most of the evenings i was working.  sometimes i was able to leave something in the crockpot for them and sometimes my mom made supper for them, and very rarely ben took them out for supper, but most of the time, ben cooked something.  he also has pitched in with breakfasts and other house chore sorts of things.  we've kept each other going.  

and now, now i'll be able to settle in - maybe even to a routine! - where i'll be able to work and play with the kiddos and work on and enjoy things in my home for more hours of the day, and i'll be able to make supper for my family - every night!  (you gals who get to do that - know it's a blessing - even when it seems like it's a chore, it's really a blessing to be able to put something on the table for your family - even if it's just popcorn and beef jerky and cheese and apple slices, or a simple soup and grilled cheese - you get to be with them and shower them with love and care and a comfortable place to end the day.)

and i read and reread the cards from my kiddos

when i gave my notice at work, i offered to stay on as an intermittent (you know, they could call me if they had open shifts and i could fill in once in a while), but apparently, there is no opening for an intermittent CNA right now, so, i am just done.  over the past few months, we could see God slowly closing the door on that job, and i guess His intention was to close it all the way - at least for now.  i think i am relieved. 

so, now we get a couple weeks to regroup and settle and see some people we love, and situate some things in our home, and take a deep breath.  a lot of deep breaths. 

and yesterday, maddie got the bowl of cookie dough out of the fridge, and baked two more pans of cookies.  i snuck around and snapped some pictures of her and made her laugh.  :)

ahhh.  home, sweet home.

mom, how do dads help babies get into moms' tummies?

oh, goodness, little man . . .

so, i pray for a minute.  and i think for a minute. 

and i say, " there are things that married people do - i'll tell you about them when you're older - that make a baby start to grow in a mom's tummy."

"ok,"  he says, and goes back to coloring.

i continue, "sometimes people who aren't married do those things, and then it's hard for them.  babies sometimes grow when people aren't ready for them.  then they have to decide what to do."

"oh," says maddie.  then, "that's why your cousin had her little boy at her wedding.  and that's why i have a half-sister who lives with another mom and dad.  dad wasn't ready to be a dad yet, and he didn't have you yet."

"yep.  that's why.  it's so much better to do those things when you are married.  then they are really great," i tell her.

"did the mom who grew O in her tummy help find the people to adopt O?" maddie asks me. 

"nope.  dad did that all by himself."

"why didn't she help?"

"because," i say, "she was only 16, or maybe 17, and her mom and dad wouldn't have let her grow the baby in her tummy if they knew about it.  so she didn't tell anybody she was pregnant until they could all see that she was."

"how would they make her not grow the baby, mom?"

oh, wow.  now i've really opened this can of worms.  "sometimes, when people think they don't want a baby, they go to a certain doctor who kills the baby out of their tummy."

now isaac is really listening again.  "would the doctor who got me out of your tummy ever kill a baby out of a mom's tummy?"

"no, buddy.  he wouldn't.  only certain doctors will."

"but,"  maddie says, "why would a doctor kill a baby?"

"it's called an abortion," i say.  and i'm all choked up.  "ladies can decide that they don't want to grow a baby, and if it's still little enough, they can go to the doctors who will take it out of them.  and the baby dies.  they mom who grew O in her tummy, her mom and dad would have made her have an abortion if O would have been little enough when they found out.  so she hid O.  she protected her till she was big enough.  when a baby has been growing in a mom long enough, the mom can't have an abortion.  so, while O was growing, dad found out about how to have someone adopt her.  he found out about open adoption, and he chose the mom and dad who would adopt O.  and when she was born, he gave her to them."

"so, she's part of dad.  is that why you say i look like her sometimes?" maddie asks. 

"yes.  and she looks a lot like dad did when he was her age," i say.

"how come we don't get to see her so much, mom?  she is our sister."

"i think as you get older, you will get to see her more," i say.  "some things take time and patience.  dad and i have needed time to know how much and when to tell you.  it's not easy to talk about things that didn't go right.  but when there are people we love and care about, we need to figure out how to talk and love and care.  we are doing our best.  when you were littler, before we felt like you could understand, we didn't want other people to tell you that O is your half-sister, not until we had told you that.  so, we need to be sensitive of your cousins and not tell them that she is your half-sister - we need to let their mom's and dad's do that in their own time.  you know she is, and there will be a time when you can tell anyone you wish about your lovely, older sister."

they go back to their learning work, and i go back to my letter writing, all three of us around the table, and i am thanking God that He gave me words, and that He is giving my kiddos understanding, and that isaac didn't ask me to tell him today how exactly it is that dads help babies get into moms' tummies.  it's coming.  i know it is.  and when i need to tell him and maddie, i will.

so far, i've explained the uterus and placenta and amniotic sac, after we saw a  picture of an unborn baby on a flyer for our area preganancy help and resources center. 

it's been easy for me to explain how they both got out of my tummy, because i had c-sections with both of them.  sometime, i'll have to explain that there is another way for babies to be born.

they know that part of a baby comes from a dad's body and part from the mom's.

we watched a documentary about chickens and how they make eggs (there were no roosters or fertilization in that movie), but a while later maddie asked me,

"so, mom, are all the eggs i'm going to have in my body right now?" 

"yep, maddie, they are.  every single little tiny one of them."

"well, how big are they?" 

"many, many of them could fit on the end of a pin."

"oh, wow.  that's little!"

about a year ago, i had gotten a book from the library that maddie and i went through together so i'd have a guide for explaining puberty - hair growth and body change and periods - to her.  i was all nervous (i don't think visibly, but i was sure feeling it), but she just calmly took it all in.  no big deal.  that's how my body works.  great.  "oh.  those are your tampons and pads in the bathroom, mom.  now i know what they're for."

so, i continue to muddle through.  i think it's going pretty well, actually.  i love that they both ask me questions.  i love that i haven't had to explain anything that i feel would be too much information for their mental and emotional ages.  but i also know that i am for certain always going to talk and answer.  i don't want them to ever feel like i would think they were strange or that i wouldn't answer their questions. i want to be where they get their answers and information.  either from me or from ben or from the two of us together.  or, if they get information elsewhere, i want them to come sound it off us.  i'm praying for this kind of relationship with my two to last, well, forever.

honey, lake superior backyard apiaries, my girl is writing a bit on her own, and i've been forming a habit - for this month, anyway

(how's that for a happy conglomerate?)

this honey is so, so very yummy.  i have been enjoying it in my tea, maddie drizzles it over her cereal, and isaac has downed a spoonful or two to soothe an itching throat.

would you like to taste some?

here's your chance.  good friends of ours in duluth, mn, are in the beginning phases of their new company, A Taste of Lake Superior - click here to read about it, and support them by giving them a buck or two (or more!) toward their endeavor. their honey is AWESOME! (and if you pledge at least $25, you'll get to taste some of their fabulous honey!)

and watch their video - it's happy - you'll like it.

then, if you need a little more happy, my girl is really excited about writing her very own blog.  you may remember that we started a blog for her to do book reviews on (with my help) about two years ago.  we didn't keep it up very long . . . ahem.  that's mostly my fault, i guess.  but now, she wants to blog again, and she is doing the writing!  she'd love it if you'd read over at madelaine reads. 

and you can find me every day on my flickr page.  and once and a while this month on habit!

all kinds of happy, i tell you.  all kinds.

more moments - habit-style

sunday

i learned that it's not a jam, he said.  a double-feed is caused by limp-wristing.  so. i need steadier, tougher wrists.  i can work on that.

monday

all the living of 80, 90, 100 years compressed into one room - one bed, one chair and a few precious photographs.

these were my thoughts at work tonight.  these people i care for have had such full, amazing lives, and now, they live in one room, or half a room, decorated with a few photographs and framed bits on the wall, a special piece of furniture or two, and a whole host of memories tucked away in their aging minds and wrinkled skin.

the photo is my frosty windshield.

someone on flickr commented that we come from and return to stardust.  what a beautiful picture to keep in my mind as i care for my residents.  even when some of them are difficult, they are made up of stardust.  we all are. 

tuesday

me: folding laundry. him: lying on the floor with his notebook. t-u-e-s-d-a-y 11 period 13 period 12. his dishwater blond, fuzzy head. his stubby fingernails. home is best.

home is best.  and sunlight is a close second!

wednesday

wishing doesn't make it go faster. sometimes it even makes it go slower.
what wisdom from a nine-year-old mouth.

maddie told isaac that this morning.  they are looking forward to a weekend with friends.  i am looking forward to some definitive plans.  but she's right.  sometimes the wishing makes the time seem to drag.  i'll enjoy today.  and the sun that is shining again!

dandelion jelly

Gather 4 cups blossoms early in the day.

Wash well and add 4 cups water to blossoms.

Boil hard for 5 minutes.

Drain through a cloth.

Measure 3 cups of dandelion liquid and add 1 tsp. lemon juice, 1 package sure-jell (or equivalent amount of pectin), and 3 1/2 cups sugar.

Boil till it reaches jelly point (drops on spoon begin to thicken). 

Pour into hot jars and seal.

The recipe I was following said this would take about 30 minutes at a full rolling boil.  I boiled mine for 15 minutes, and it was too long.  I should have gone by the "jelly point" - which was at about 8 minutes - but that seemed too short!  So I kept boiling.  And I have some very, very, set-up jelly.  I need to warm it in order to use it. 

But, here's the lovely thing about dandelion jelly - it tastes just like honey!  So, I can warm this jelly and use it on pancakes or bread, or I can use it in any recipe that calls for honey.  (I used it in some awesome stir fry sauce the other night.) 

Maddie and I will have to give it a go again, and see if I can get the boiling time right, so we have some nice jelly. 

But for now, I have some cheap "cooking honey" in my cupboard.

girly (birthday) party

my girl planned a surprise birthday party for one of her dear friends. 
she planned out the lunch menu (orange juice punch, hot cocoa, potato salad, bbq little smokies, and fresh whipped cream with fresh strawberries and pineapple). 
she made the flower place cards. 
she bought helium balloons and a birthday card. 
she set the table with a cloth and pretty dishes (things from grandma and great-grandmas and great-aunts and that i've collected over the years). 
and her friend was so surprised! 
and her cousin was so happy to be part of a few hours just for girls (she has three brothers at home). 
and i was happy to be part of a sweet get-together.

it made my heart sing to watch this girl of mine give a party for her friends.  she hosted with such grace and joy.  what a treat to have this be part of what she is learning and practicing every day. 

shine on, maddie-girl.  shine on.