bits of sunshine

down memory lane

yesterday at lunchtime, isaac and i were talking about what he had been like as a 6-year-old and as an 11-year-old . . . . and i decided to just look back on my blog . . . so we took a trip down memory lane.  it was so much fun to talk and remember and laugh and be grateful.  

i need to document our days, and my thoughts.  what a gift to be able to look back.  

today, this picture popped up on my facebook memories - and i wanted to plop it right here, and add the comments.  

i posted this picture six years ago with the caption "the second man of the house picked these for me"

the first comment was "you mean . . . the REAL MAN?"  to which i replied "he learned everything he knows about the way to a woman's heart from the first man of the house."  and received the answer, "touche."

then a friend commented that isaac is a sweetheart, and i replied, "he brought them to me, bound together with the rubber band - they look pretty together, don't they mom? - he asked as he handed them to me."

six years ago isaac was eight.  ben was restarting his wildland fire career.  i was homeschooling with maddie and isaac and having so much fun with them.  we were raising chickens and pigs.  we were on the brink of our living situation being up-ended and shook out and dramatically changed.  

and in the midst of all of that and so much more, isaac took the time to bring me a bouquet, and i took time to document it.  

take the pictures.  write the words.  and then revisit them, my friends.  you'll be so very glad you did.  

 

first day of school {6th and 7th grade}

 {squinting into the sun ~ not excited that i am taking pictures}

 {and not squinting ~ excited to be heading off to school, to a new experience - junior high!}

in all the years that these two have been doing school and going to school, i have never taken a "first day of school picture" . . . i'm not sure why not.  except that i rarely do things in the conventional way.  i have my own little quirks and ways and tickings, i guess. 

but, this is the first year they are going off to junior high.  so, i thought that maybe i should document these next few years of first days.  {it will be fun to see which year finds isaac taller than maddie . . . any guesses? he's eleven and a half and maddie is just about thirteen . . .  and now i'm thinking that i have to get out a photo album and see what ages my next brother and i were when he caught up to me . . . hmmmm.}

after i took these pictures, i drove them into school, and as i was driving home, i dictated a journal entry ::

i don't know why today seems so big.  we are starting a new chapter, that's for sure.  the kids are in sixth and seventh grade.  and i am thirty-six.  ben will be thirty-seven in two months.  is that really where we're at?  it's good.  it just feels very different somehow. 

at school today, miss b was by the door to greet all the kids ~ a friendly and familiar face.  i hope their day is just super awesome.  and i'm sure it will be.  they're such sweet kids.  i love it that when i asked if i could walk in with them to drop something in the office, or if i should wait till they were well inside before i headed in, isaac said, "of course you can walk in with us, mom.  we aren't kids who are embarrassed of our parents.  we have awesome parents, and our friends who matter know that you're awesome."  

through all of this craziness that has been my life, that has been our life together, sometimes i don't know what i've done right and how they've turned out (so far) the way they have.  they are wonderful and fabulous and they're going to do such awesome things. 

yet when i think about it, i do know how they are wonderful.  they "are God’s masterpiece. He has created [them] anew in Christ Jesus, so [they] can do the good things He planned for [them] long ago." {ephesians 2:10 nlt}

i don't know why i'm feeling so nostalgic this year.  is that the right word? or melancholy (deeply, quietly thoughtful).  this all just feels really big and important. 

i thought i would write this out and finish my thoughts as a blog post that evening. i did post these pictures on facebook and instagram on that first day of school, but here i am, a week and a half later on my blog. 

because when they got home, isaac was worn out.  exhausted.  and feeling pretty defeated.  maddie had a great day!  isaac didn't. 

and i sat down with him to look at his homework and to write notes to couple of his teachers.  and i didn't know what i would write here.  so i didn't write.

each day since school started i have done one or more of the following: i have reread isaac's IEP + recommended accommodations, written notes, made phone calls, stopped in to the school, listened to isaac, helped with homework, thought through scenarios and conversations, prayed a lot, talked this out with my God and my husband and a few good friends, and encouraged my boy to be tough, to have patience while we sort this all out.

{i am working on a post about (some of) my experience parenting a child with special needs.}

each day has gotten a little better for isaac. 

each day has gone so well for maddie.

they are working hard, putting heart and mind and creativity into their school work, for themselves and for their teachers.  both kids really like their teachers, and i am so grateful for these teachers (maddie and isaac have all the same ones!).  what a wonderful team of people teaching these junior high kiddos!   

isaac is playing football.  maddie is playing volleyball.  so they have practice after school four days a week.  they are working hard, learning their games, putting heart and mind and muscle into a team.  this is good, too!

they come home hungry and tired.  but they play outside {rollerblade and scooter, walk with chaco and i, jump on the trampoline}, eat huge suppers, and get their homework done before falling into bed and sleeping deeply. 

and this to me seems like a good sort of life.  learning, working, creating, exercising, enjoying friends, breathing the wild fresh air, and sleeping soundly.  doing the good things.

.. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. ... ... ..

go gently, be wonderful, and do the good things, my friends.
love, e

 

lessons from the bionicles

sometimes, what we have already is enough. 

a few days ago, isaac was telling ben and i that he wanted to buy some new lego bionicles. 

"don't the new bionicles look quite a bit like the hero factory guys you have?" we asked him.
"well, yeah, they do." 
"and don't you have quite a few of the original bionicle guys?" 
"well, yes," to that too. 
"so why would you need new ones?"

turns out the neighbor boy has two of the newer ones. and they are big. bigger than isaac's hero factory figures. so as soon as isaac had enough money saved up from some jobs, he asked us if he could spend it on new bionicles.

ok. parenting moment. just because i have enough money to buy something i want, doesn't mean that i should buy the thing right this second. i need to think about why i want it. one-upping my friend is not a good reason to buy something. ever. i also need to think about what i or the others in my life need or might need. i need to think about the fact that christmas is not so very far away. i need to think about having a bit saved away for a rainy day. i need to think about if something i have already would work. then i need to think about if this thing i want to buy is really the thing i want to buy. if, after all this thinking, i still want to buy it, then i should buy it!

after visiting for a while about all of this, isaac headed upstairs and we could hear the sounds of the lego bins. 

before too long, he came downstairs with this:

i didn't realize how big and involved these are! (the new ones don't hold a candle to the originals!) back when isaac first got a bunch of these (from a dear friend who's son was growing out of them), he had never built them from start to finish. he basically built their skeletons.  

that was cool. and isaac was maybe five-years-old. but i had no idea how really cool they could be!

i don't think isaac did either. after building more of them, he realized that he certainly didn't need to buy any bionicles. not only that, he didn't even want to!

he got down to business and built five of them! (the one on the far left is one his friend put together from more pieces isaac has, and the second from the left is one of his friend's new ones.) isaac is having a great time putting these together and playing with them and inviting his friend to play, too. 

and a couple days later, he told me a little list of people and the christmas presents he is planning for them. some things he needs to buy, some things he'll make, all very thoughtful. he even bought a birthday present for our tiny neighbor girl - her second birthday is tomorrow. 

these are the kinds of things that ben and i love talking over with our kids. partly because it helps us solidify who we ourselves want to be while we help our kiddos grow into people who live with kindness, joy and peace. 

be encouraged and be wonderful, my friends.
love, ~e

friday evening - some pictures and thoughts

cup of coffee and more earrings to my right

computer and kitchen that was clean, but isn't anymore, in front of me

isaac playing a game, ben watching a video, maddie listening to some new music to my left

this wall behind me

i had coffee and brownies with a dear friend this morning

i read most of this book out loud to little miss s

i brought udi's pizza home for maddie and isaac for lunch

while it was baking, i read elm to maddie (i'll show you that book soon)

while maddie and isaac were eating, i read through the first part of this holy week in this book, we'll continue this evening, read some more tomorrow and finish on sunday

ben got to come home at 1:30 today - i always love having him around, and i'm soaking up all the moments i get with him, because before long, he'll be away on a detail fire . . . 'tis the season

ben and i talked through some wrinkles in some relationships - man, families can be tricky and wrinkly, and sometimes my optimism is misplaced - after fourteen years, you'd think the fact that the response doesn't change wouldn't surprise me, wouldn't catch me off guard. but it still does. because i keep hoping that eventually there will be kindness, not always harsh reproach. i keep hoping that things will ease. sometimes i tell myself that i should just stop hoping. but, apparently, i'm still hoping . . .

maddie cut up strawberries this afternoon, then asked for my help to make a dessert - she started thinking of ingredients that i can eat, and together we made some very tasty coconut almond bars

i went for a run in the wind - the weather is so strange today - the air was actually quite warm, but the wind was very cold . . . my ears were so cold- a drastic contrast to the rest of me, which was too warm (umm, just tell them you were sweating, e.  yeah.  i was sweating) . . . but running felt so good!  i never would have guessed that at 34 i would begin to love running . . .

then i ate veggies

then i ate the bars maddie made

with strawberries

it's crazy windy outside  (the little arizona bell is wildly ringing, stef)

tomorrow i'm going to make lemon meringue pie for our (extended) family easter meal (if it turns out, i'll take a picture - i hope it turns out!)

i hope you all have a blessed weekend, my friends

love to you, ~e

 

 

 

randomness from monday

i stayed home with my maddie girl in the morning.  she's fighting something off, she hadn't slept well on sunday night, so i let her sleep in on monday morning and then she and i played mancala together and played piano together.  i made her a bit of lunch, and snuggled her in with a movie while i went on a little field trip with isaac's class. 

the guy in orange is my guy.  the little guy closest to my camera ran up to me when i joined the kiddos and said, " you're isaac's mom!  isaac is so nice.  he is such a good friend!"  then the little guy next to isaac told me, "yeah.  isaac is a good buddy.  i like him." 

what fun to tromp around outside - even though the sky was mostly heavy and grey and the wind was was whipping along briskly - and to see my guy interacting with all his classmates.  he is so kind to all of them, and is so interested in what the grown-ups are saying and teaching.  i'm proud of him!

later, i got to snuggle by these two dears:

and after supper, maddie set to work making some really pretty bead and string bookmarks for her teacher and student teacher out at the prairie.  she is so thoughtful.  she used browns and golds for mrs. d.  "because she likes those colors a lot!"  and all sorts of blues for miss q.  "because she always wears something blue."

behind maddie is this - my new wall arrangement:

which i had to figure out because (thank you, renee!) i needed a place to display this lovely:

in other news:

i keep getting to sub.  almost every day.  i am growing to have some favorite rooms and favorite kiddos.  this is a good job for me. 

we keep getting random little bits of winter. though not like north of us. i'm so glad. most of our snow has melted and we can still see the ground through the little bits that have fallen recently. it's still cold,though. i'm ready for a warm-up!

i've been cooking some yummy new cookies and making some tasty, frothy hot drinks.  i'll share recipes soon.  i'm working on a post about what we eat - and i'll include some of our favorite recipes. 

i'm also working on some other writing.  a thought-filled blog post.  a book (more about that soon!).  letters.  and some other bits.  i've been keeping up with my notebook, too.  still such a helpful tool!

i also made a bunch of earrings again.  i'll have them listed for sale soon!

my birthday boquet from my mom is still lovely and fresh!  what a treat on these cold and grey days!

and for now, my friends - be wonderful! 

love, ~e

 

isaac's eyes

two weeks ago, i took isaac to the eye clinic.

he had a comprhensive eye exam.

which showed that isaac needs not just some vision correction, but bifocals.  pretty strong ones.

well, no wonder this reading gig has been hard!

we also were prescribed some eye muscle exercises.

isaac's eyes take turns working on some different activities for about 15 minutes each day.

i am so interested to find out where these exercises and the new glasses take isaac on his journey to reading chapter books!  

but for now - well, now he can see that the back of the ketchup bottle has real words and that those little street signs have letters that can be read from the car as we drive by.  this is a good start! 

i wish we would have done this sooner!  but - here we are now.  {if you ever know a child who is struggling with reading - get his or her little eyes checked - sooner, rather than later!} 

rock on, isaac.  we'll keep getting this all figured out!

isaac built a tree fort. all by himself.

on friday, isaac headed outside and was busy, busy, busy. 

sometimes i could hear pounding.  sometimes i could hear the sound of the handsaw.  i saw the boy and some wood and the wagon going back and forth across the yard from the garage to the woods to the woodpile and back again.

saturday morning he told me he needed a bit of help in the woods. 

i helped him lift one piece of plywood and with adding 3 screws to do a bit of reinforcement.  he nailed everything else.

later he asked if we could go to fleet farm.  he'd like to use some of his own money to buy a tarp and a rope. 

so, we went.  he found a tarp for less than $3 and a rope for less than $3 also!  he was pretty excited.

as soon as we were back home, he disappeared into the woods again. 

then, ""mom!  come with me!  i have a surprise for you!"

i followed him into the woods . . . and found this

he measured, cut, nailed, and roofed all of this by himself!

he asked me if i thought dad would be impressed.  umm, yes!  of course!  i sure am!

{view out the "window"}

{room on his bench for a visitor - yes, he built a bench, too!}

he told me that he's going to build a second bench and a box for keeping things in up there. 

he also added a rack for his hammer and bb gun.  two necessities of fort dwelling.

and down below, there's a little spot that's perfect for other boy-business.

no point in running in to the house when you're busy outside!

mom, how do dads help babies get into moms' tummies?

oh, goodness, little man . . .

so, i pray for a minute.  and i think for a minute. 

and i say, " there are things that married people do - i'll tell you about them when you're older - that make a baby start to grow in a mom's tummy."

"ok,"  he says, and goes back to coloring.

i continue, "sometimes people who aren't married do those things, and then it's hard for them.  babies sometimes grow when people aren't ready for them.  then they have to decide what to do."

"oh," says maddie.  then, "that's why your cousin had her little boy at her wedding.  and that's why i have a half-sister who lives with another mom and dad.  dad wasn't ready to be a dad yet, and he didn't have you yet."

"yep.  that's why.  it's so much better to do those things when you are married.  then they are really great," i tell her.

"did the mom who grew O in her tummy help find the people to adopt O?" maddie asks me. 

"nope.  dad did that all by himself."

"why didn't she help?"

"because," i say, "she was only 16, or maybe 17, and her mom and dad wouldn't have let her grow the baby in her tummy if they knew about it.  so she didn't tell anybody she was pregnant until they could all see that she was."

"how would they make her not grow the baby, mom?"

oh, wow.  now i've really opened this can of worms.  "sometimes, when people think they don't want a baby, they go to a certain doctor who kills the baby out of their tummy."

now isaac is really listening again.  "would the doctor who got me out of your tummy ever kill a baby out of a mom's tummy?"

"no, buddy.  he wouldn't.  only certain doctors will."

"but,"  maddie says, "why would a doctor kill a baby?"

"it's called an abortion," i say.  and i'm all choked up.  "ladies can decide that they don't want to grow a baby, and if it's still little enough, they can go to the doctors who will take it out of them.  and the baby dies.  they mom who grew O in her tummy, her mom and dad would have made her have an abortion if O would have been little enough when they found out.  so she hid O.  she protected her till she was big enough.  when a baby has been growing in a mom long enough, the mom can't have an abortion.  so, while O was growing, dad found out about how to have someone adopt her.  he found out about open adoption, and he chose the mom and dad who would adopt O.  and when she was born, he gave her to them."

"so, she's part of dad.  is that why you say i look like her sometimes?" maddie asks. 

"yes.  and she looks a lot like dad did when he was her age," i say.

"how come we don't get to see her so much, mom?  she is our sister."

"i think as you get older, you will get to see her more," i say.  "some things take time and patience.  dad and i have needed time to know how much and when to tell you.  it's not easy to talk about things that didn't go right.  but when there are people we love and care about, we need to figure out how to talk and love and care.  we are doing our best.  when you were littler, before we felt like you could understand, we didn't want other people to tell you that O is your half-sister, not until we had told you that.  so, we need to be sensitive of your cousins and not tell them that she is your half-sister - we need to let their mom's and dad's do that in their own time.  you know she is, and there will be a time when you can tell anyone you wish about your lovely, older sister."

they go back to their learning work, and i go back to my letter writing, all three of us around the table, and i am thanking God that He gave me words, and that He is giving my kiddos understanding, and that isaac didn't ask me to tell him today how exactly it is that dads help babies get into moms' tummies.  it's coming.  i know it is.  and when i need to tell him and maddie, i will.

so far, i've explained the uterus and placenta and amniotic sac, after we saw a  picture of an unborn baby on a flyer for our area preganancy help and resources center. 

it's been easy for me to explain how they both got out of my tummy, because i had c-sections with both of them.  sometime, i'll have to explain that there is another way for babies to be born.

they know that part of a baby comes from a dad's body and part from the mom's.

we watched a documentary about chickens and how they make eggs (there were no roosters or fertilization in that movie), but a while later maddie asked me,

"so, mom, are all the eggs i'm going to have in my body right now?" 

"yep, maddie, they are.  every single little tiny one of them."

"well, how big are they?" 

"many, many of them could fit on the end of a pin."

"oh, wow.  that's little!"

about a year ago, i had gotten a book from the library that maddie and i went through together so i'd have a guide for explaining puberty - hair growth and body change and periods - to her.  i was all nervous (i don't think visibly, but i was sure feeling it), but she just calmly took it all in.  no big deal.  that's how my body works.  great.  "oh.  those are your tampons and pads in the bathroom, mom.  now i know what they're for."

so, i continue to muddle through.  i think it's going pretty well, actually.  i love that they both ask me questions.  i love that i haven't had to explain anything that i feel would be too much information for their mental and emotional ages.  but i also know that i am for certain always going to talk and answer.  i don't want them to ever feel like i would think they were strange or that i wouldn't answer their questions. i want to be where they get their answers and information.  either from me or from ben or from the two of us together.  or, if they get information elsewhere, i want them to come sound it off us.  i'm praying for this kind of relationship with my two to last, well, forever.

just a little sunday morning snuggle

have a cozy, happy day!

have a cozy, happy day!