Isaac :: first day of sophomore year :: 15.5 years old ::
Maddie :: first day of junior year :: almost 17 years old ::
And just for comparison :: first day of school picture from last year ::
to be very cliche :: oh the difference a year makes ::
but really! really, really!
on the first day of december:
woke to sun shining
drank a lot of coffee
wore a cozy sweater and slippers
watched/listened to a word-by-word teaching on philippians 1:3-11
prayed with my family
packed up some snail mail - a tiny gift, some samples of fabulous shampoo, and socks to be replaced
checked over the list of christmas card addresses - in preparation for the arrival of the cards i ordered yesterday
helped isaac cover the seat for his snowmobile - painters canvas, upholstery tacks, thread, and hot glue
made stir fry with left-over turkey and left-over veggies
thought about getting out the christmas tree - but didn't just yet - maybe one evening this week
did some laundry
and will end the day watching the downton abbey movie
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sending all of you my best wishes for a merry and bright december
also - some tips for steering clear of the crazy, and doing more enjoying and less stressing
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go gently, love fiercely, and be wonderful.
xoxo, e
{as i have been revisiting my blog the past few days, i found this post in the archives. i wrote it on may 25, 2015. for some reason, i had never published it. but, oh, did it do my heart good to find this and read it and know that now isaac is in ninth grade and he has overcome so much! he is doing so well in school. he reads and works hard and is pretty amazing. and, like i wrote four and a half years ago, i am still so excited to see where we go from here - where he goes from here! i am so very proud to be isaac's mom.}
on december 14, 2013, isaac asked me "mom, when am i going to be able to read chapter books?" i had to say, "i don't know." that almost broke my heart.
he worked and worked at his reading.
in march of 2013, he got his glasses and we started his eye exercises - which we continued all through the summer.
he worked so hard at his reading and writing all through this school year.
this past thursday, may 21,2014, isaac took a comprehension test on a chapter book. the first chapter book he ever read. he read it all by himself. Geronimo Stilton: I'm Not A SuperMouse. he got an 80% on the test!
he also gave a speech, not just talked, but read what he had written, to me, three peers and five other adults. he read it so well. clearly. with emotion and interest. and he was so sure of himself. i was, and still am, so very proud of him.
he went from reading at a late kindergarten, early first grade level this school year, to reading at a third grade level and from only reading aloud to reading to himself - a whole chapter book! i am so excited to see where we go from here - where he goes from here!
isaac - you ROCK!
i have two.
and i love them so very much.
and i don't wish that they were little again.
i kind of like that they are taller than me.
i enjoy talking about issues and politics and morals and the bible and relationships with them. i like seeing what they create, how they dress, how they set up their rooms, how they style their hair, what they write for homework assignments, how they interpret project directions. i like to watch {some} of their shows and listen to {some} of their music.
there isn't a day that goes by that i don't think about how i am parenting them, if i am doing a good job. how much to direct. how much to just let happen. when to give advice. when to give ultimatums. how much sleep they need. how much i should help with homework. when i should visit with a teacher. how much i need to know each of their friends. what they are eating. if they are taking their vitamins and eating some fruit and veggies. when i should get on their case about cleaning their room or doing some dishes.
ben and i talk often about our kids and what we see in them and how we want to continue with our parenting. these conversations take time and effort and energy, but i wouldn't trade the time for anything. and it seems like what we are doing is working pretty well so far. we have an almost 15-year-old and a 16-year-old who are both doing pretty darn well in the decision-making and relating parts of life. i certainly don't have it all figured out, but i am so willing to talk about what we do and why we do it if it might help others navigate their journey. this is ongoing, of course, but it seems like the past week has offered ben and i opportunities to listen to our kids and to speak encouragement and advice into their situations, and to read some articles and instagram posts and a chapter in a leadership book that all speak to what is in my heart about parenting my kids. here's some bits:
what were you thinking?!? understanding the teenage brain -- a short excerpt on brain function. after reading this article today, i put the book in my amazon cart because the author, frances jensen, says, "what i learned while writing this book is that there is still a lot of myth out there about teenagers. an attitude of, 'oh, they’ll be fine. they will bounce back. they will grow out of it.' well, teenagers do grow out of it, but i felt we were dismissing what they were doing during the teenage years. it’s an incredibly valuable and precious time. it’s a time you can still really scaffold your brain for your future life." she also talks from a neurological standpoint about why they don't turn off lights and put dishes in the dishwasher. she's speaking to me, i know it.
what teenagers need from us (almost) more than anything else -- as we navigate all the busy-ness, our teens need us even when they withdraw from us. i first read this article a couple years ago. it resonated with me, i talked about it with ben, i shared it on facebook. early this week, it popped up on my facebook memories, and i re-read it and wanted to share it with you. i was going to share which of the five points resonated with me most . . . but they all resonate, deeply and clearly.
dare to lead -- i am currently reading this book for our leadership miles city class. there is so much in these pages that pertain to parenting and to marriage,or to any relationship, really, not just to work-place situations. i wrote the following paragraph as an instagram post early this week:
. clear is kind . unclear is unkind . most of us avoid clarity because we tell ourselves that we’re being kind, when what we’re actually doing is being unkind and unfair . feeding people half-truths or flattery or a line of bull to make them feel better (which is almost always about making ourselves feel more comfortable) is unkind . not getting clear with our spouse, partner, child, friend, parent, colleague about our expectations because it feels too hard, yet holding them accountable or blaming them for not delivering is unkind . talking about people rather than to people is unkind . this lesson has the potential to wildly transform relationships and lives . clear is kind . unclear is unkind . . {mostly from p 48 in dare to lead} . {working on this in my own life . working on teaching this to my children . speaking and acting with clarity and integrity . speaking and acting with kindness .} .
and, in this vein, as i focus on clearly conveying my expectations to my children, i work on giving them the tools to make a completely informed decision about if they will do as i ask, or not do as i ask. if i am clear, we both know if my expectations were respected and carried out or if my instructions and expectations were disregarded. and what then, if my expectations are disregarded, do the consequences look like? what consequence would be thought-provoking and restorative, not simply punitive and meted out because i am the boss around here. wow. these thought processes take effort. there is no set-in-stone approach. restorative consequences must be thought out in relation to each unique situation and attitude. { @lightbreaksforth wrote a bit about this on october 22 on her instagram account }
i am working on asking myself what each of my kids need to be their best self. ben and i talk about this. we are working at giving our kids the tools they need to be healthy in every sense of the word {in relationships, in rest, in exercise, in nourishment, in freedom, and with boundaries}, and then to help them know that they are worthy of being healthy.
and a friend shared a post from @sageparenting that really says a lot of all of this, and some more, and seems to be a good way to wrap up this post:
tots and teens get a bad rap but i loved the toddler season and now i’m loving the teenage season. both are developmental stages when the body outpaces the brain, the amygdala outpaces the prefrontal cortex, and independence outpaces competence.
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but actually, the reason these seasons are so often experienced as the hardest in parenting is because the mainstream parenting approach backfires. if your relationship is based on dominance and control, you’re up a creek with no paddle. if your self-worth is based on your child’s obedience, you’re going to panic. you cannot punish a toddler out of a tantrum and you cannot punish a teen away from differentiation.
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but if your relationship is based on connection, trust, and freedom, these seasons feel seamless. if i’m being honest, i really do parent my teen the same way i parented my toddler - different shades of the same color.
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so for all of you dreading the coming season of adolescence, i’m here to whisper in your ear that teens are actually awesome.
and on that note, my parent friends, go bravely, love fiercely, and be wonderful.
and if you are not a parent, and you've read this far, maybe you understand your parent friends a little better. and maybe there are some things here that will color the way you interact with your partner or your friends or your coworkers.
to all of you dear ones, go gently, go bravely, love fiercely, and be wonderful.
love, e
listening to the hum of the heater here in my office
realizing that i have needed this blog revisit
taking a tiny break from the work to-do list to type this up
working on three business plans for clients and two other fairly large projects
smiling because i get to go watch maddie play volleyball this afternoon and isaac play football tomorrow afternoon and both days, ben will be with me!
relishing ben working out of the district office, here, in our town - which means that he gets to come home every night! we get to live together!
drinking water this morning
eating a pistachio tahini bar - from the mighty seed company
thinking that i should make oatmeal raisin cookies this weekend
looking forward to this weekend - none of us has commitments on either saturday or sunday
planning some more blog posts
trusting that communication will solve some strain i am feeling
laughing (wryly) about how very much isaac goes through the same stages that maddie went through
treasuring the times i witness maddie and isaac laughing together, eating together, doing homework together, hanging out together
feeling so grateful for our cozy little house and food in the cupboards and people to share our space with
sending emails and texts and snaps and messages on instagram and messenger {we have so many ways to communicate}
sharing bits of sunshine any way i can {because then i feel the sunshine, too}
loving my people so very much
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go gently, love fiercely, and be wonderful, my friends.
and all the thoughts.
so many thoughts in looking at these pictures together. bookends to this school year.
they grew. maddie is so pretty. isaac is so handsome. they are both so kind. they are funny. nothing makes me happier than hearing them laugh. they are wonderful. they make me smile. sometimes we disagree. sometimes they make me so mad. we share laughter, and joy, and frustration, and growing pains, and utter confusion, and solid knowing. so many times, they fill my heart to bursting.
8th and 9th grade - done at noon today.
and my kids are already on to all the activities that will mark them as a 9th and a 10th grader. a freshman and a sophomore.
isaac got his football helmet for freshman year already, and has an initial camp/practice on monday. maddie has a volleyball camp monday-wednesday next week - starting to ready for j.v. tryouts. they both have summer jobs. they both have plans for some time at the beach with friends. and right now, i am thinking that i am going to block off some days that i will take off work, that the three of us can do some summery fun things together. and some days that the four of us (b+e+m+i) can do the same. we need to claim some days, right now. so we don't make it to the end of the summer without a few days of ease, together.
oh, friends, if you have littles, know that all the work you are putting in now to play with your kids, really know your kids, to build relationships, to help them find the things they like to do and that they have the potential to do well, all that work will pay off. it will. and you will have teenagers that you love to spend time with. keep choosing them. and they will keep choosing you. if you have more than one kiddo, help them choose each other (at least some of the time!), model the choosing. help them build each other up, tell them they are wonderful, model the telling. you stand to gain so much joy and such a beautifully full heart.
i love these two, ever so very much.
here's to laughter, and friday, and summertime, and new beginnings!
yesterday at lunchtime, isaac and i were talking about what he had been like as a 6-year-old and as an 11-year-old . . . . and i decided to just look back on my blog . . . so we took a trip down memory lane. it was so much fun to talk and remember and laugh and be grateful.
i need to document our days, and my thoughts. what a gift to be able to look back.
today, this picture popped up on my facebook memories - and i wanted to plop it right here, and add the comments.
i posted this picture six years ago with the caption "the second man of the house picked these for me"
the first comment was "you mean . . . the REAL MAN?" to which i replied "he learned everything he knows about the way to a woman's heart from the first man of the house." and received the answer, "touche."
then a friend commented that isaac is a sweetheart, and i replied, "he brought them to me, bound together with the rubber band - they look pretty together, don't they mom? - he asked as he handed them to me."
six years ago isaac was eight. ben was restarting his wildland fire career. i was homeschooling with maddie and isaac and having so much fun with them. we were raising chickens and pigs. we were on the brink of our living situation being up-ended and shook out and dramatically changed.
and in the midst of all of that and so much more, isaac took the time to bring me a bouquet, and i took time to document it.
take the pictures. write the words. and then revisit them, my friends. you'll be so very glad you did.
1 january 2017 :: a good day to drive home. a good day to thank God for a safe trip - all 2200 miles of it.
2 january 2017 :: i dropped isaac off at basketball practice. i walked up a snowy driveway to visit allison and ellie and asher. i took a selfie with ellie. i kissed her soft hair, right at the part. i held asher until my arms almost fell asleep, we made faces at each other, and i kissed his cheek and hairline. allison and i visited and counted blessings and said, "i love you," and gave hugs. {tell your friends, your people, that you love them. kiss them and hug them.}
3 january 2017 :: // clear, cold, minus six / the sunny side of the hay / watching buck, doe, fawn // hammer back, cross hairs / fixed where shoulder meets rib cage / long exhale and squeeze // your flesh will become / our food, our sustenance, our / energy, our flesh // the sun had gone down over the sheep mountains in a rainbow of frozen light. the fingernail moon is up (has been since i was tucked into hay bales looking for a shot) and so is bright venus. we load deer and bag and gun and head home.
5 january 2017 :: praying for my children. Lord, please bring the right person into their lives at the right time. bless each one and keep each one and let each one know when it is right. you know who you have - i trust you with this. as you have done for ben and i. and please, keep hearts and minds and bodies. give self-control and kindness and true love in overflowing measures to these dear ones and the ones you have for them. amen.
7 january 2017 :: the playstation is broken. so isaac is being creative and maddie is watching a show about animals. i have a love-hate relationship with the playstation. good things - lots of hours and games played together (ben + kids + friends) in our living room, competition and the learning that goes with that, kids can take or leave video games at friends' houses and actually visit and interact, learning self-control and time management. but, for now, i'm not sad ours is broken.
10 january 2017 :: grey. damp. cold. super wacky barometric pressures - high to the north, low to the south, and, we, here, right caught in the middle. no wonder i felt as though i could do nothing today. i did walk with chaco, though. we found a dead mule deer. a fawn. under a willow. under a dusting of snow. no wounds. no blood. just dead.
13 january 2017 :: the Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. he cares for those who trust in him. Nahum 1:7 God is good. i do trust this. i trust him. . . . so, yesterday i didn't write much. only an appointment date. because i went to a routine physical, and my doctor found a not-so-routine lump. pinto bean-sized, in my left breast. hopefully a cyst. i walked. i thought about the semi-colon. here i sit on one again . . . in the meantime: more fresh air, more fruit, more vegetables, no sugar, no eggs . . . i love fruit and veggies, so that's all good.
17 january 2017 :: i made blueberry muffins with blueberry buttercream frosting for breakfast tomorrow. because tomorrow is isaac's birthday. and because birthdays should have treats.
18 january 2017 :: benjamin ISAAC patten :: so joyful. his laugh. ALL the legos. and the models. "i have a sweet tooth." his stuff EVERYWHERE. things just so. "i don't need new pants." (don't change anything.) a funny juxtaposition with MODIFY EVERYTHING. so many creative ideas. sharpshooter. {some of the wonders of isaac.}
19 january 2017 :: the NW wind has a bite to it. but the sun in the southern sky is starting to feel warm. we are on my side of solstice.
21 january 2017 :: basketball tournament. isaac played so hard! we brought k+k (twin brothers) home with us - to celebrate isaac's birthday. what funny friends. "I'M THE ONE TELLING THIS STORY!!! YOU BE QUIET!" and no secrets. and all of the crush news. so much laughing! i hope that ben and i can always sit around with our kids and their friends and talk and laugh.
23 janary 2017 :: the fog rolled in last night and dressed all the twigs and grasses, weeds and barbs in shimmering splendor.
25 january 2017 :: i want you to know, isaac, that you never have to apologize to me for yourself, for the fact that i "have to" make phone calls and go talk to your teachers. i love you. of course i will do this for you. of course. // i was looking through your folder and found your first book report from this year. the last paragraph, "the dad and the boy had to have patience to find the owl. they also had to be brave and have hope. i had to have patience with myself. i also had to have hope to learn how to read. i have to be brave all the time." {i have to be brave. all the time.}
26 january 2017 :: may our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word. II Thes. 2:16-17
27 january 2017 :: this life is a gift. grace for each moment. be still. and a cancer-free mammogram on my lump. sighs of relief. quiet gratitude. eternal encouragement and good hope.
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and today. it is good to look back through this month. to look at pictures i took. to read words i wrote and that others wrote to me. to read scripture that i filled my heart and mind with. to know that God is good. to know that i can keep learning about myself, that i can keep learning from Him. to spend time counting blessings. to have proven yet again that "in this world you will have trouble. but! take heart! i have overcome the world." john 16:33
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my friends, thank you for reading. thank you for being here, for being you. go gently, love fiercely, and be wonderful.
love, e
since saturday night, isaac's instructions are to lay low, to rest, not move too much, not think too much, not read, not watch TV or use other screens, to sleep, to heal. so, we are having different sorts of days here.
the back story :: on saturday night, isaac was playing tackle football with some buddies, just for fun, during the varsity of football game. he pretty much knew that wasn't a good idea, but . . . well, he played. and he got tackled. really hard. and his head slammed into the ground. {pads and helmets for football? yes, please. and most certainly from here on out. these boys are too big and strong to play tackle football without protective gear.} when, after 45 minutes, isaac wasn't really himself yet, and had, in fact, almost seemed like himself, and then had regressed {difficulty walking, not speaking coherently, appearing to be cold but saying that he didn't feel cold}, ben and i decided that we had better get him checked over. so, we headed for the hopsital in spearfish. {for those of you who don't know, that's 83 miles away.} part way there, isaac became very agitated, progressively more incoherent, and i could not find a radial pulse on him. ben felt like we needed to get to the hospital as soon as we possibly could and decided that i should call 911 and tell them we were driving way too fast and why. mid-call, dispatch explained to the officer who pulled us over just why we were going so fast and he let us continue on our way. we met an ambulance which took isaac and i the last 20 or so miles. i won't write out all the details, but once in the hospital, the doctor, who was wonderful and calming, was by turns confused by some of isaac's symptoms, amused by some of isaac's {very literal} responses, and certain that, though he doesn't often order a CT scan for an obvious concussion, isaac should have a CT scan. by the time isaac's brain was scanned, many, many people had been praying for him. the scan was clear of swelling and bleeding. you may draw your conclusions. our conclusion is that prayer invites greater measures of God's provision and protection. and we are so grateful that after another hour of monitoring, we were given the go-ahead to pack isaac up, drive him home, and tuck him into his own bed. {that "extra hour" from daylight savings time? . . . we spent our extra hour. and not on extra sleep.}
this was our day {mostly in pictures} yesterday ::
{sitting in the sunshine}
{legos at the table and pb&j for lunch}
{my project}
{this quilt was a gift from a dear friend (visit her here) six years ago. it has been slept under, cuddled up in, washed, used and loved to pieces. i decided i better salvage it quickly! so, i worked on it for quite a while yesterday.}
{patches are all fabrics that g sent to me in the same lovely package as the quilt, or fabrics that i used in the quilt i made for her!}
{my buddy at the table, finding out that his mind isn't quite wanting to work the way it did before the concussion. it is really weird for him to be dealing with an injury that he can't see. and strange for me, too. i know he needs to rest. but i'm not sure how to help him rest his brain. so, i try to keep him from doing too much, and remind him to lay down and close his eyes every so often.}
{he has been napping every afternoon and sleeping till he wakes up on his own in the morning.}
{snickerdoodles for isaac - if they were the magic that healed a concussion, isaac would be completely better - he's eaten a lot of them in the last two days. peanut butter and banana on a brown rice cake and some of the tastiest tea in the world for me - because, well, yum.}
today, i cleaned and rearranged his room while he laid on his bed and monitored the situation. there were more legos. more snickerdoodles. a lingering headache that intensifies with much movement. another nap.
plans for more of the same tomorrow. although the snickerdoodles might disappear and need to be replaced with another treat.
hug your kiddos, my friends.
go gently, love fiercely, and be wonderful.
love, e
{squinting into the sun ~ not excited that i am taking pictures}
{and not squinting ~ excited to be heading off to school, to a new experience - junior high!}
in all the years that these two have been doing school and going to school, i have never taken a "first day of school picture" . . . i'm not sure why not. except that i rarely do things in the conventional way. i have my own little quirks and ways and tickings, i guess.
but, this is the first year they are going off to junior high. so, i thought that maybe i should document these next few years of first days. {it will be fun to see which year finds isaac taller than maddie . . . any guesses? he's eleven and a half and maddie is just about thirteen . . . and now i'm thinking that i have to get out a photo album and see what ages my next brother and i were when he caught up to me . . . hmmmm.}
after i took these pictures, i drove them into school, and as i was driving home, i dictated a journal entry ::
i don't know why today seems so big. we are starting a new chapter, that's for sure. the kids are in sixth and seventh grade. and i am thirty-six. ben will be thirty-seven in two months. is that really where we're at? it's good. it just feels very different somehow.
at school today, miss b was by the door to greet all the kids ~ a friendly and familiar face. i hope their day is just super awesome. and i'm sure it will be. they're such sweet kids. i love it that when i asked if i could walk in with them to drop something in the office, or if i should wait till they were well inside before i headed in, isaac said, "of course you can walk in with us, mom. we aren't kids who are embarrassed of our parents. we have awesome parents, and our friends who matter know that you're awesome."
through all of this craziness that has been my life, that has been our life together, sometimes i don't know what i've done right and how they've turned out (so far) the way they have. they are wonderful and fabulous and they're going to do such awesome things.
yet when i think about it, i do know how they are wonderful. they "are God’s masterpiece. He has created [them] anew in Christ Jesus, so [they] can do the good things He planned for [them] long ago." {ephesians 2:10 nlt}
i don't know why i'm feeling so nostalgic this year. is that the right word? or melancholy (deeply, quietly thoughtful). this all just feels really big and important.
i thought i would write this out and finish my thoughts as a blog post that evening. i did post these pictures on facebook and instagram on that first day of school, but here i am, a week and a half later on my blog.
because when they got home, isaac was worn out. exhausted. and feeling pretty defeated. maddie had a great day! isaac didn't.
and i sat down with him to look at his homework and to write notes to couple of his teachers. and i didn't know what i would write here. so i didn't write.
each day since school started i have done one or more of the following: i have reread isaac's IEP + recommended accommodations, written notes, made phone calls, stopped in to the school, listened to isaac, helped with homework, thought through scenarios and conversations, prayed a lot, talked this out with my God and my husband and a few good friends, and encouraged my boy to be tough, to have patience while we sort this all out.
{i am working on a post about (some of) my experience parenting a child with special needs.}
each day has gotten a little better for isaac.
each day has gone so well for maddie.
they are working hard, putting heart and mind and creativity into their school work, for themselves and for their teachers. both kids really like their teachers, and i am so grateful for these teachers (maddie and isaac have all the same ones!). what a wonderful team of people teaching these junior high kiddos!
isaac is playing football. maddie is playing volleyball. so they have practice after school four days a week. they are working hard, learning their games, putting heart and mind and muscle into a team. this is good, too!
they come home hungry and tired. but they play outside {rollerblade and scooter, walk with chaco and i, jump on the trampoline}, eat huge suppers, and get their homework done before falling into bed and sleeping deeply.
and this to me seems like a good sort of life. learning, working, creating, exercising, enjoying friends, breathing the wild fresh air, and sleeping soundly. doing the good things.
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go gently, be wonderful, and do the good things, my friends.
love, e
Austin Channing Brown: I'm Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness
Berkheimer, Drema Hall: Running on Red Dog Road: And Other Perils of an Appalachian Childhood
Quezada, Sarah: Love Undocumented: Risking Trust in a Fearful World
Jackson, Drew: God Speaks Through Wombs: Poems on God's Unexpected Coming
Dai Sijie: Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress: A Novel
Ronnevik, Gretchen: Ragged: Spiritual Disciplines for the Spiritually Exhausted