bits of sunshine

29 january 2021

 a list of ten random things again:

right now i am on my couch listening to the hockey game in butte.  isaac is playing, ben is there watching, maddie is out with a friend for a bit, and later she and i will watch a movie together.

candles burning, for their scent and for the sound of flame.

it was a grey day today. but not cold. i thought about going for a walk, but never did.

i am in the middle of reading a book called Everything Sad is Untrue (a true story)

i am working on getting all of isaac's laundry through the wash this evening, so he can come home to all clean clothes and bedding and a clean room.  why am i doing this when he is a huge sixteen-year-old boy? when he could most certainly do this himself?  well, because he doesn't.  and because i love him too much to leave it the way it is. 

as i was scrolling facebook during the period break, i found this song a friend had posted, and it made me cry. it just gave me a whole new perspective on the mess in isaac's room . . . and made me wonder what else i might need to do to support him . . . to give him the tools to do the things he needs to do . . . 

also - i am certain that i have ADHD. . . and it's just who i am . . . i drink coffee all. day. long. and into the evening. every day.  i can get into a project and not stop to eat or drink or do things that need to be done.  and just now, i spent twenty minutes googling adult ADHD and i could keep reading for hours.

so - is this me? is this isaac? is this maddie? well . . . the exploration will continue. but for now, i will finish this list and then go switch the laundry again.

i have been listening to this song on repeat. becuase it just gets into my head and because i could have written it to ben. 

this whole life thing is hard and easy, awful and beautiful, excruciating and tranquil, thunder crash and soft rain, clouds and sunshine, all the words and yawning silence, cold shoulders and warm hugs, and a whole lot of terrible, fabulous work.

 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   

and a psalm

let your steadfast love be upon us, o lord, even as we hope in you.

psalm 33:22 

28 january 2021

ten things

1. i miss this space, so i am jumping into it on a thursday toward the end of january.
2. the sun is shining in through my window, the high temp today is forecast to be 42 degrees F, and the rest of the 10-day forecast is for mostly sunny days and temps that stay above zero.
3. i am writing a list on the last page in the notebook that i began on july first.  this notebook holds 64 lists of random thoughts.
4. today i am wearing a gifted sweater (it is so soft and cozy, like wearing a blanket. but it looks nice. professional even. aren't those the best clothes? the ones that look great *and* feel so good.)
5. i have a new job in the time since i have written much on this blog. maybe tomorrow will be a list of ten things about my job as director of institutional advancement at miles community college. i should tell you about it, because i really like it.
6. i still drink coffee like it is going out of style. i have a little sign on the coffee bar in my office - it says "a day without coffee is like . . . just kidding. i have no idea." this is a true statement.
7. i still head outside to look up, to drink in the expanse of sky, to appreciate clouds and sun and stars and moon, to remind myself to take deep breaths, to remind myself that the maker of all of this cares about each moment in my day, each thought that i ponder in my heart, each person that i love so very fiercely.
8. there are often all kinds of things that i want to share here, in this space. 
9. sometimes i feel like there isn't time, or like the things might not be mine to share.
10. but words are my bane and my therapy, my scourge and my gift. sharing the lovely and the wretched is necessary, because it is often, when i am writing, that i remind my own self to look for the lovely and the pure and the true and the praiseworthy, the clear and the kind, and then to share these discoveries so that we may be edified, encouraged, and strengthened.

for today, go gently, love fiercely, and be wonderful, my friends. 

with so much love, e