children do not need us to shape them. they need us to respond to who they are. ~ naomi aldort
you do not have to make your children into wonderful people. you just have to remind them that they are wonderful people. if you do this consistently from the day they are born, they will believe it easily. ~ william martin
both these quotes at once resonated with me and brought just a smidge of discomfort.
the words met me deep in my being and rang true.
then why the discomfort?
because i was raised in a tradition that teaches that parents train and shape and mold their children.
i read parenting books handed to me by people i trusted that expounded on this training and shaping.
books that explained that if a child is not fitting a mold, they need discipline.
that if, upon the carrying out of disciplinary measures there is still not the desired result,
the child must be rebellious, must need a harsher form of discipline,
must need their will to be broken in order to be rightly built.
there is something to that. maybe. in some circumstances.
but as ben and i have parented together,
we have read and studied the bible and scholarly writing and parenting books of all sorts,
we have watched others parent, we have watched little ones grow into bigger ones,
and it is so evident that we are all wonderful
and we are all broken.
that at times, we break each other.
that life sends all sorts of situations and circumstances and hard things our way try to break us.
and we as parents should be always in the process of learning our children - each one - learning them,
and learning what breaks them and what builds them,
and doing our best to give them the tools to do a lot of building.
building of their own character, building up of others, building good in the world.
i think that what rings so true about the two quotes is that i desire to see the good,
to build, not break.
that i know beyond a shadow of a doubt
that each of us is fearfully and wonderfully made.
that there is One who knows a thousand and a thousand times better than i who my children are and are to be.
my job as their mom takes all of my mind, soul, heart, and strength.
some days, some moments, it takes all that i have to build them not break them,
not because of who they are, or even what they do, but because of who i am.
my true job is to love them fiercely,
learn who they are,
point them to the One who made them,
who knit them together inside of me,
who has prepared good works for them each to do,
who lays out the way for each of us to walk in,
my job is to facilitate as they respond to His call and His leading.
if i do these things,
i am responding to who God made each one of them to be,
not who i or anyone else might think they should be.
i am reminding them that they are truly wonderful creations.
and i will affirm these two
and cheer for all i am worth
as they manifest the fruit of the spirit
in the unique and wonderful ways that God has ordained for each of them.
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references taken from psalm 139:13-16 , ephesians, 2:10, isaiah 30:21, galatians 5:22-23