bits of sunshine

reunion {writing elsewhere}

a few weeks ago, my friend heather, who curates and writes for The Joy Sisters and also the insta account @thejoysisters, asked me to write a piece to contribute to the blog.  for most of the month of march, the theme of the joy sisters blog posts are words that begin with re.  i opened my journal and started to list words . . . the first that came to mind was reunion, because ben is away on a fourteen day assignment and i am so looking forward to his return.  i listed some other words, but the one that continued to be at the forefront of my mind was reunion.  my life as a wildland firefighter's wife consists of see-you-laters and wonderful reunions . . . continue reading over at The Joy Sisters . . .   

like seventeen people

i have more than one note in my journal referencing the "seventeen people" that "were praying" for us.  

i don't want to forget.  i want to bear witness.   

on the morning of the kids' first day of school here in mid-january, i was telling them that i hoped it would be a great day.

"it will be, mom," maddie told me with great assurance.

"how do you know it will be?" i asked her.

"because," she said, "like seventeen people are praying for us."

i smiled.  so did my heart.  

and i said, "oh, i think there are more than seventeen."

so. if you are one of our seventeen people, if you have prayed for us through our move and our new starts and getting settled and started and finding our niches, thank you.  you are so very dear to us.  and your prayers are felt and noticed and have availed much.  

continue to go gently, love fiercely, and be wonderful, dear ones.

love, e

so many good gifts

on friday, i recieved my first birthday gift this year.  in my mailbox was a small package from my mom.  in the package . . . was a junk journal.  ok - first off, how have i never heard of a junk journal before??? they are a thing.  and a very cool thing!  second - my mom made this one!  just for me!  her friend makes them and my mom had said she'd like to buy one for me for my birthday.  her friend told her she should just bring some ephemera and come make one for me.  so, the two of them spent some hours together, creating a junk journal to send my way.  i will have so much fun adding thoughts and quotes and washi tape and good things to this lovely gift.  and the third amazing thing about this, is that while my mom had decided to make a junk journal for my birthday, i had been making her a folding book for her birthday!  {that will get its own post one of these days!}  both of us were using paper and glue and pretty bits to make each other birthday gifts.  fabulous!

on monday, there were two wonderful packages in my mailbox.  one from my husband . . . which contained a set of undergarments both pretty and comfortable . . . 

the other from lori hetteen.  an out-of-the-blue gift.  you guys, what an awesome surprise.  she didn't even know it was my birthday week.  she just knew that ben is away on a detail and wanted me to know that she was thinking of me.  that i'm not alone in the saying "see you when i see you."  so - her gift is a double portion - thinking-of-you and inadvertant-birthday gift.  

early monday evening, maddie and isaac went to run an errand.  i was cooking supper, and our friend kyla was on her way over to join us.  after we all ate supper together, maddie and isaac asked if they could just give me my birthday gift or if they had to wait till thursday.  i told them it was up to them.  they went to maddie's room long enough to write in the card they had bought, and came back to the kitchen with a beautiful card and bag of wonderful things.  it is so awesome to be known so well by my teenage children, and to see their heart in what they bought for me.  also, i'm pretty sure maddie spent almost all the money she had made while babysitting on saturday.  that feels pretty amazingly wonderful to me.  

on tuesday, my friend allie's husband came to town for work and delivered some things we had left behind when we moved.  allie also had him deliver a birthday gift.  and i think you all may be able to see why my smile burst into a joyful laugh!  what a fun connection!

and today the sun is shining.  and i have plans for playing outside with my kids and dog and some friends this afternoon.  i know i will get to talk to ben on the phone at some point this evening.  these days leading up to my birthday are lovely.  i am truly so very blessed.  

on aging

seems like every year, the week or so before my birthday, i find myself in a reflective mood.  so, here are some of my it's-almost-my-birthday thoughts.  also, my isaac-boy thinks it's pretty funny to remind me that i am almost 40.  and both maddie and isaac go back and forth between laughing about that ben and i are getting "old" and laughing about that ben and i don't act old at all.  last night, isaac told me that i won't be old until i break a hip or something, because that happens to old people.  so - hopefully, if that's the aging standard, i never grow old!

often, i don't feel my age.  what is 38 (on thursday) heading toward 40 anyway?  

some time ago, one night when i curled up in bed, on my side, legs tucked up, back pressed against ben, like usual, i looked up, out our window at all the stars shining so brightly, so beautifully in the dark sky.  i found orion's belt, in the south eastern sky, and thought how i like sleeping under the pathway that orion, the strong warrior, takes through the night.  

i also felt distinctly like a little kid.  

but i am married; i have been for more than 16 years.  and i have a 14-year-old daughter and a 13-year-old son.  how is this possible?  how am i old enough for all of this?

i rested there.  and felt all sorts of silly and strange and happy and thoughtful.  

i still sit on the ground and the floor like a little kid.  now though, if i sit too long, my legs start to go a little tingly.  

i love to ride my bike.  and i love to jump into a lake - make a big splash.  but it takes a lot more encouraging myself to take that leap.  once i've done it, though, i'll jump over and over again.  i love to grab a sled, make a run for it, and go flying down a snow-covered hill. 

i am a funny juxtaposition of young and old, of skip across a parking lot and find all of the goodness in an old hymn, of hunker down with a children's book and read aloud with all the voices and pull an ancient text off the shelf and savor all of the rich old words.

there was a period in my life when i felt old.  much older than my calendar age.  there was lots of life and living, good and hard, beautiful and lonely, times that stretched me, times that i grew through rather than allowing myself to give up.  ben and i married at twenty-one.  lots of people told us that was too young.  we had babies at twenty-three and twenty-five.  working different jobs and moving through different living situations and making business decisions and navigating family relationships and schooling for ourselves and our children and parenting and being a spouse and finding time to play and time to rest and growing and facilitating counseling and leading small groups and all of the pieces of living, well, in some ways, we crammed may years worth of living into just a few short ones.  and in some ways, all of this living aged me, aged my spirit, aged my soul. there is a timbre and a quality to life, though, that comes from circumstances walked through and mercy received and sacrifice made gracefully. 

there is a softness to skin that is slightly wrinkled, that has had to give way for babies to grow, that is feeling the effects of 38 years worth of gravity, that has soaked up sun and fought off chill, that has been shared in the grasping of a hand, in the hugging of a friend, in the comforting of an infant, in the caressing of another, in the loving of a spouse.  some of the skin has been cut or scraped, left ragged or stitched up.  all of the skin tells story, speaks life.

there is a twinkle in the eye that has learned how to look, what to see, what to enjoy, what to be grateful for.

there is peace in a heart that has learned what to hang onto, what to ponder, what to forgive and grasp lightly.  {i don't believe that painful things really can be or should be forgotten, but there can be peace and rest in knowing that what another meant for harm or selfishness, for hurt and shame, God wants to use all of that for good; those circumstances can create depth of character and can quietly offer healing to many souls.}

there is something pretty wonderful about having a spouse and kids and friends and parents who have grown to know me well, who know just what word or bit of snail mail or gift or outing or adventure or peaceful moment will make my heart overflow.  and something wonderful about knowing them, too, and knowing all these ways to bring them joy.

i am much closer to 40 than to 30 now.  and really, that is fine and good.  i am grateful that i {mostly} feel young.  i will not mind the silver hair that is bound to come {my mom has beautiful silver-white hair, and, with joy, i'm finding a few of these hairs sprinkled throughout my pixie-cut}; i will not mind the wrinkles and the changes; i am finding the good in the lessons i've learned, the experiences i have had and continue to live, the time to love and be loved, the time to find the good and count gratitudes and share bit of sunshine, the chances to bear witness and speak blessing, embracing this life i have been given.

i am so grateful for you, friends. may our years be filled with joy-experiencing and joy-sharing, so that no matter the number of our days, each one will be filled to overflowing with good. 

and may we all go gently, love fiercely, and be wonderful.  

xoxo, e

p.s. some links i've saved for reading and watching that you may enjoy, too :: 

what 36 looks like

famous women talk about aging

some of the most beautiful ladies talk about just being

lovely, fun, quirky, amazing 100-year-old women talk about beauty, style, love, loving what you do, happiness, and being best friends,

 

 

we're not in south dakota anymore

hello friends!

wow!  it has been a long time since i have checked in here. 

we are not in south dakota anymore.  i am now a montana resident.

we are not renting anymore.  we are homeowners.

the last two months have been so full, friends.  so, so full.

but so good.  so, so good.  

if you follow me on instagram @bits_of_sunshine you have seen glimpses into our moving and beginning to settle.  we welcomed the new year among unpacked boxes, wrapped in blankets, sitting on lawn chairs in our new living room.  

the following week, we tore down wallpaper and cleaned and painted maddie's new room.  we painted isaac's new room and he built himself a stellar closet organizer.  we unpacked some boxes.  we met some new people.  i finished registering maddie and isaac for their new school.  

over the past few weeks, i have painted the front entry - a deep, mossy green, ben has torn down ugly soffit in the kitchen for me, and i have painted the kitchen - blue thunder.  all four of us have cleaned and rearranged and unpacked and sorted.  ben fixed up a shelf for the living room.  i painted a desk.  i have baked at least eight batches of cookies in the new kitchen, and a few loaves of bread and lots of muffins.   i painted the den and hallway in the basement - a soft, sandy color, and the downstairs bathroom - mossy green.  i painted the living room, upstairs alcove and bathroom - grey heron.  i have paint for a wall in ben's and my bedroom. 

ben spent a week in colorado springs as a class (umm, lucky!), and is now getting settled in to how this new office and situation will work in the winter.  my background check came back to the school district, and i have been substitue teaching almost every day.  maddie and isaac have gotten off to such a great start at their new school.  ben and i went to conferences in mid-february, and every single teacher told us that they have enjoyed maddie and isaac so much.  that they work hard, that they are kind, that they are motivated and smart.  that they are confident and participate in class.  i teared up more than once.  ben and i left the school saying that this is the right place for us.  this is so good for our kids. 

we (but mostly ben) have shoveled snow and shoveled snow and shoveled snow.  we have gotten over 16 inches since we moved in!  so, ben has even been up on the roof, shoveling snow off, so we don't stop vents, or bow roof lines. 

we found a church - and the people there have been wonderful. we all look forward to sunday morning.  the first two weeks we were here, four different families brought us meals and came to say hello.  what a way to feel welcomed.  and how nice to have some meals that i didn't have to cook - we could just keep working right up to supper time, and then eat a warm, tasty meal.  each one of them brought enough for at least two meals - that was all kinds of fabulous.  maddie and isaac have joined the youth group and love going - they are each making some fun, funny, nice friends.  i also joined a bible study group, and the study and the fellowship are both so good for my heart.  

the kids have both had new friends over to our house.  maddie and some girls had a cupcake bake on a snowday.  lots of laughter and frosting eating went on around my table.  isaac had a friend over to play video games and eat all of the chocolate chip cookies i had baked that morning.  

and, you guys! we had our first house guests on the twenty-second of february!  there were ten of us in number six-twelve, and so much laughter and peace - even among some as yet unpacked boxes and with lawn chairs for seating.  (living room furniture will come as we settle in a bit more.) 

chaco and i have found some places to go walking - all within a ten minute or less drive from our house.  we have found cottonwood trees and a rivers, open meadows and tree-lined path, buttes and valleys, and a huge parking lot and the fairgrounds - options for moving our legs and breathing the fresh air.  

next week, we have meetings for spring sports (soccer for isaac, tennis for maddie, possibly reffing {soccer} for me), and the following week, practices start!

hopefully, i will be back in this space more and more, now that we are beginning to find how we do this life thing here, in our new spaces.  

xoxo, my friends.  go gently; love fiercely; be wonderful!

love, e