i have been reading bird by bird by ann lamott.
i stopped on page 104 to pick up my journal and write some thoughts.
i have long felt that paired opposites are not a given
. . . either, or . . .
i am not good at that game.
ask my daughter.
"earth or sky?"
"green or blue?"
"night or day?"
"jeans or a dress?"
"pie or cookies?"
i always have reasons for both, or something in between,
or one thing one day, and the other another day . . .
well, this one, if this and this are the situation.
but that one, if that and that are how i feel . . .
and sometimes this, but other times that . . .
love . hate
right . wrong
good . bad
left . right
dark . light
loud . quiet
but whose idea?
and could we have one without the other?
and is it really easier to embrace absolutes than to suffer reality?
reality is unforgivingly complex . . .
yes . . .
and it is never easy to be real
and to listen for truth that may be out of the context i grew up in,
or the context i live in now
sometimes it may seem that closing down is safe . . .
picking one or the other . . . drawing a hard line
but truly, if we want connection,
messy and beautiful and real and raw connection,
we must stay open and loving
to love, to care, takes effort of heart and mind . . .
and space and time . . .
and vulnerability . . .
and hurt and heartache . . .
but also joy and wonder and reverence . . .
either, or is not where i often live
i am most often a whole lot of complexity and fierce, visceral feeling
paired opposites are not a given
go gently (or go stomping and roaring), love fiercely, and be wonderful, my friends.
love, e