last tuesday, my friend lindsay posted an essay called the photos that cheer us up
as i was reading, i was reminded of these photos:
two years ago, i revisited and printed these pictures and thought about framing them - i didn't then, but i think that i will now. the printed ones are tucked into a book of poetry - i remember placing them between some pages in a mary oliver book; i know right where they are.
today, i went digging on my blog - i know that i posted these photos here, a long time ago . . . i looked and looked and found that i had posted these pictures in the second month that i was blogging, back on october 23, 2008 . . . oh, wow. i have been blogging a long time. i have been taking pictures of these kiddos for a long time . . .
lindsay wrote: My urge to take pictures came from a place of observation. I wanted so badly to love my life. I’d keep my camera nearby in the house, I carried it with me when I went out. I was constantly hunting for something beautiful, even in the most ordinary of places. I took photos of whatever interested me – sometimes my little daughter, sometimes something else.
and these words brought me back to the day i took these pictures - there were all kinds of circumstances in our life then that weren't easy. but these two kept me smiling, kept me looking for beauty, kept me laughing. they kept me interested in life. they still fill my life and days with reasons to rejoice.
i can remember the exact day and moment that i took these pictures - we had gone to visit ben at a job he was working - the job site was by a lake. maddie and isaac and i wandered down onto the dock and looked at our reflections in the water, we threw in some rocks, and watched the splash and ripple. maddie found a little purple flower, the one in the picture. the kids sat under some low branches in the edge of the woods. i wanted to remember them, just as they were.
isaac in one of his many pairs of overalls.
i know that he was wearing his red, rubber boots, too.
i remember isaac and maddie picking up long sticks and writing in the sand. maddie wrote "i love dad" and isaac drew a funny, awkward heart. then he picked up a hammer and some nails and a chunk of wood and got to work, just like ben. maddie and i kept drawing letters and shapes in the sand.
i remember the sunlight. the just-right temperature. i remember being so glad that ben had work to do. i remember being hopeful about the business ben was partnered in.
funny how things work out or don't work out the way we wish for or think they might. funny how sometimes there could be hard, hard things coming, and beyond those, something better and more wonderful than we even knew to think of or to wish for.
this fall has been a time of reflection for me. i've been looking back over my blog, things i've written over the years, pictures i've taken . . . lindsay's friend told her that looking through pictures brings good feelings, because we take pictures of things we want to remember. i find that looking back through my blog, through my pictures, brings a lot of bittersweet feelings. i have blogged through the good and the hard. i have blogged to find the good in the hard. i have written to remind myself to look for the bits of sunshine. i have taken pictures of beauty and joy and love. i have posted pictures to remember a smile and to remind myself to smile.
lately, i have revisited some hard, hard times and relationships in conversations with my children. something about maddie and isaac being a new and an almost teenager, i think. they think more deeply, see the world on more levels. they want to know why i relate the way i do and how i see the world. so, i'm thinking about and trying to explain to them why i relate the way i do and how i see the world. memory lane has been bitter and sweet and healing for me.
and friends, about pictures - take them. save them. post them. print them. so you can remember. so you can revisit. so you can rejoice.
go gently, love fiercely, and be wonderful.
love, e