sun in and out of the clouds
furnace growling away
chaco playing with one of his toys
a holiday spice candle burning next to me
fresh hot coffee in my cup
peanut butter and jelly {crunchy peanut butter and raspberry jam - the only thing that would make it better are banana slices, but i only have very overripe bananas right now}
surrounded by christmas decorations and things that make me happy to have around
three years ago, i wrote here, on my blog, that christmas has rarely been an easy time of year. i thought of that today. i was feeling a little bit melancholy, and couldn't put my finger on just why that would be. we are in such a good place. in so many ways. and this year, this season is feeling festive to me {i'll write a little post about our decorating and celebrating in the next day or two ~ we're finding a groove ~ that is working for this year, anyway!}. and i'm even feeling pretty chill about driving to minnesota and visiting lots of family and driving a lot and visiting a lot.
so why, e, why the melancholy today. and then i realized that this is the first christmas in a long time that i am not worried. worried about job availability {since ben and i have been married - 15 years - we have had at least 9 christmases where some combination of things made us spending any money - even for cookie ingredients - a huge challenge: ben had been laid off from work, there wasn't any work, i was on bedrest, we were between jobs, i was finishing a semester of college, one or the other of us were starting a new job and barely making ends meet, etc.}, worried about relating with extended family {families can be wrinkly, and navigating the wrinkles ~ which to smooth out, which to leave be ~ can be a huge challenge}, worried about health {as we were learning about how to live with celiac}, worried about making a huge, long driving trip over christmas and new years {last year was the first time we made that long trek}. and each year, God provided for us, as we trusted Him. and i worked so hard to rest in Him, to trust Him and the peace He gives. i practiced hope, and clung to Hope tightly, sometimes with almost a stranglehold.
so, this has rarely been an easy time of year. the daylight grows shorter, but i continue to seek the light. and the longer darkness shows us our need for light. and though we walk through times of deeper darkness, there is always light to be found.
the Light of the World
Peace
Hope
Jesus
Wonderful Counselor
the Word
Immanuel {God with Us}
Savior
Friend
the Light that Shines in the Darkness
and i will give testimony to the Word ~ He became flesh and dwelt among us. and we have seen His glory {in every blade of grass, in every crystal of frost, in every sun ray that breaks through veils of cloud, on every mountainside and in every valley, in the faces and eyes and hearts of those He made, in endless places and ways} we have seen His glory, the glory of the Only Begotten who is full of grace and truth. and through Him and from Him, we have received grace upon grace. and i will speak the testimony of that grace {as a ray of light through my melancholy}, and i will name that which is good, and i will rest in that peace, and i will share the joy overflowing, and the wonderful counsel that He gives.
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john 1:14+16 and acts 20:24 and romans 1:20 and isaiah 55:12