fire season is coming. the new socks and the new underthings that won't chafe and rub raw are here. it's all about the base layers. all about saving the skin. a torn up pair of feet is no good on the fire line.
he got to put nomex on today. and whites. and go teach refresher courses. and talk fire.
the pull that eases in the fall and early winter is growing. and i feel it, too.
this last month or so i've felt the tugs at my heart. the melancholy and the anticipation. as the days grow longer, the last-minute leaving that is our magnetic north pulls stronger. we are pulled toward that pole as snow melts and the remnants of last years' plants dry out. those remnants that i have learned to call fuels. i think in terms of relative humidity and precipitation amounts and moisture content and fuel loading. all of those words, those conditions, add strength to our magnetic north. the magnetic north that pulls us and dictates the next three seasons. there is no spring summer and fall - there is only fire season. and there is no planning of dates and times from here on out. the plans happen to us. when we get close enough to that pole, we get sucked in, head, feet and arms every which way. right now we are dancing around the pole, gathering the supplies, getting ready to pack the red bag, holding back, but wondering when the pull will completely take over. all the plans, the real plans, have to be made last minute. we can have vague ideas and hazy framework of things we'd like to do. we can think that he will go, but we don't know when and for how long and where. and in some ways, that's the beauty of it. we're in this for the ride. for the pull. for the anticipation. for the places that aren't here. for the life that isn't like other people's - it' s ours.
wildfire is wildly unpredictable. and so are the circumstances of our life.
but the important things are predictable. that b+e belong together. that e+m+i will enjoy our days of summer. that b will be off, doing the job that he does best, the job that isn't really a job because it is part of who he is. that whenever we get to be all four of us, b+e+m+i, that those are the best moments of all. that the pull of the four of us all together is always stronger than any other pull. home, wherever the four of us are, will always win out. but during fire season, fires and last-minute good-byes and longed for hellos and fuels and forces of nature and raw wild beauty pull us all. and we set our compass to that crazy pole that is wildland fire.