my reading pile is looking a little different this past week than it did a month ago.
i like this pile better.
the middle one, i am revisiting. i bought it 15 years ago. i was in the bookstore at USD, buying the books that i needed for my first semester of sophomore year and this book caught my eye. Amazing Grace. Vocabulary. wrestling with words. reflections. i love words. it was an extra $12.95 on top of the more than $300 i was already spending on books, but it was begging me to bring it home with me and read. so, i did.
and i delved in to her reflections and thoughts and ponderings and studies of words that had been and are a part of the vocabulary of my faith and the religious traditions surrounding my faith.
one of the words kathleen norris visits is blood. "the word bless has its origins in blood. . . . polite, mainstream christians tend to look askance at bloody images of Jesus' crucifixion, or they fail to make much mention of the way in which several of his healing miracles are accomplished by means of his spit. . . . lots of christians draw the line at There is a Fountain Filled with Blood, composed by John Newton's good friend William Cowper. the image is so literal - a fountain filled with blood - that . . . it will occasion only feelings of revulsion. . . . and yet, the end of the song is redeeming love has been my theme, and shall be till i die. then in a nobler, sweeter song, i'll sing thy power to save, when this poor lisping, stammering tongue lies silent in the grave. . . . and Jesus emerging on a white horse as the heavens open, with eyes like flame. He is clothed in a robe dipped in blood and his name is called The Word of God. . . . blood includes us in the incarnation - not so crazy, after all, but an ancient thing, and wise. the rhythym of life that we carry in our veins is not only for us, but for others, as Christ's incarnation was for the sake of all."
raw. gritty. real. feelings that i am and have and cling to. because life is raw and gritty and real, rendered in blood and guts and grace.
from this book, i learned the ebenezer means stone of help. as in, here i raise mine ebenezer, hither by thy help i'm come. this is a direct reference to I Samuel 7:12. samuel then took a large stone and placed it between the towns of mizpah and jeshanah. He named it ebenezer (which means "the stone of help"), for he said, "up to this point the LORD has helped us!" ebenezer, a word that a hundred years or so ago, was understood by most people. as i read this, i realized that charles dickens knew what ebenezer meant - and so, his character, ebenezer scrooge, went from being mr. scrooge, the tight-fisted miser, to ebenezer, the stone of help, to his own family and many around him. a change of heart to fit his name. his name was a foreshadowing all along - but how many of us knew that? another layer of meaning in the story, another layer of meaning in the song added by ebenezer - this word.
words are beautiful.
and as i revisit this book, i am reading "converting a painful inheritance into something good requires all the discernment we can muster . . . the worst of the curses that people inflict on us . . . can't be forgotten or undone, but they can be put to good use in the new life that one has taken up. it is a kind of death; the lid closes on what went before. but the past is not denied. and we are still here, with all of our talents, gifts, and failings, our strengths and weaknesses. all the baggage comes along: nothing wasted, nothing lost. . . . wounds open the way to compassion for others."
wounds. blood. pain. compassion. help. a rock. strength. blessing.
a new life. not denying the old life, not denying the wounds, but allowing the blood and the blessing to open a new way. we, the four of us together, are still here, and are moving forward, nothing wasted, nothing lost. bound more tightly to our ebenzer, who goes before and comes behind, filling our lives with fierce blessing and graceful compassion.
raw. gritty. beautiful.
amazing grace.