bits of sunshine

where I've been

I've been buried under 96 pages of thesis to be edited.  This was an incredibly interesting job!  The topic of the thesis is Looking Back to See Ahead: 19th Century Girlhood in the Works of Two 20th Century Women Writers.  The writer used the Little House Series by Laura Ingalls Wilder and the Emily Trilogy by L.M. Montgomery.  I thoroughly enjoyed working through this with the writer!  I worked on it like made for 4 days, with lots of emails back and forth to the writer, as she lives in Norway!  She has sent it off to printing and will be turning it in to her instructor in the next few days.  I am anxious to hear what her marks are after all the work she put in to this, and all the work I put in to it, too!

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Tomorrow I will be back with a bit about my mother's day.  It was lovely!

Birth Thoughts

In just a few short days, it will be Mother's Day.  My friend Elissa posted this link a week or so ago - puts a bit of a bigger perspective on being a mama.  Maria is posting a series about the women in her family this week.  She started with a post about the birth of her daughter.  A few weeks ago, another of my friends was pondering why her birth stories weren't really the kind that are fit for a story book.  Her post was titled shouldn't it be easy?  she was writing and thinking about why, if women are made to have babies, why isn't it easy? 

I don't know why.

I had an emergency c-section at 38 weeks with my girl. Years ago both my girl and I would have died. 

Then, my second pregnancy - I went into labor at 30 weeks. I had drugs to stop my labor. I was on total bedrest. He still came early - and we did a c-section even though he was tiny - because my pelvis is just too small. Then he took a ride to an NICU 2 hours away from me . . . 

I don't know why.

I read blogs where mamas labor at home and deliver in a few pushes a healthy baby into the arms of their midwives and family . . . I know mamas who deliver in the hospital and hold their babies right away, fresh from the womb . . . 

 

I have two children, but I have never held a baby fresh from my womb. I held my daughter 3 hours after she was born. I held my son 2.5 days after he was born.

I don't know why.

 
But I do know that I love my kids just as much and more than lots of mamas who have other birth stories. I know that I bonded with them, completely. I know that I am so thankful that we are all here.

I know that nothing about being a mama is easy. Why should getting the little buggers here in the first place be easy? Really. We might as well start right in on digging in there and really working at being a mama. Cause it isn't going to get any easier. It won't be any less work. Ever.

And I'm not saying that in a pessimistic way. I'm just saying - it's not easy. And sometimes I wish so much that I had two different birth stories. But I have two birth stories! And so what if they aren't all softness and warmth and water and candlelight. They are blood and guts and heartache. They are real. And they are good.

So, here's to mamas who love and sweat and pour out their innermost being for their kiddos - no matter their birth stories.  We all get here somehow - it's what we do once we're here that counts.  So today, do something that counts!  And if you are a mama, help your kiddos do something that counts.  That's a better way to bond than any birth experience ever was!

wind in my hair

i used to ride a motorcycle. 
used to look forward to climbing on behind him,
my arms wrapped tight,
the wind in my hair. 
i think i only wore a helmet once. 
that was a long time ago. 

ben and i have talked about owning a motorcycle some day. 
but came to the conclusion that we probably never would. 
we know ourselves too well. 
we wouldn't want to wear helmets. 
we'd want to feel the wind on our faces, in our hair,
ride with our cheeks pressed close. 

i have thought, for a long time now,
that people who don't wear helmets on motorcycles are foolish. 

two weekends ago, a friend of mine lost her husband. 
he was on a motorcycle. 
he couldn't make a curve, so he took the field instead. 
the field was too dry.  too loose. 
he wasn't wearing a helmet, but it wouldn't have mattered. 
his ribs shattered and punctured his lungs and his heart. 

that same weekend, six other people died in motorcycle accidents in this area. 
two of them a couple.  both were wearing helmets.  it didn't matter. 

i am remembering a lady who attended our church when i was small. 
she was in a motorcycle accident. 
she was wearing a helmet. 
she skidded on her helmet. 
the helmet did save her life,
but she lives with serious brain damage. 

now, the idea of a motorcycle at all seems foolish. 
the speeds are too fast, the ground and other vehicles too unforgiving. 
maybe i'm getting old. 
maybe you'll think i'm over-reacting.  

i saw a dad and a little girl on a motorcycle just the other day. 
they were wearing helmets. 
but all i could think was
what if that little girl's arms got tired and she let go . . .
. . . the helmet wouldn't matter . . .

any romantic ideas i once had about motorcycles are gone.
there are other ways to feel the wind in my hair.

remember these teeth?
well, they are slowly, but surely making an appearance!
and we had a first trip to the dentist on monday and got all those pretty teeth shined up!
and sealants painted on the 6-year molars. that was yucky. but oh-so-necessary!

and, on a side note, can you look at this picture without smiling?
i can't!
and i need to see a smiley little face.
i've been trying and trying to write an article that just isn't coming . . .
and i've been writing some melancholy thoughts - i'll probably share some tomorrow . . . then back to some mother's day thoughts for the rest of the week! some thoughts about my kids, some thoughts about my mom, some quotes i've read lately . . . i'm looking forward to the rest of the week!

now, off to make that pesky article work!
happy wednesday, friends!

dreams coming true

planning
trips to the bank
writing up estimates
drawing
looking
walking about the property
phone calls
notes jotted and notes typed
emails
ideas
major sale-ing and thrifting (on a large scale - for our home!)
looking for ways to create beauty with minimal spending
just feeling a deep sense of gratitude that this is going to happen!

encouragement

Dear, dear friend, you made my day.
I called to ask you about my forgotten bread-knife.
In ten short minutes we encouraged each other in our daily tasks
of wife-ing and mama-ing and home-keeping,
our desire for God to be glorified,
the bittersweet thought of being home in Heaven,
the desire for others to know - to truly know Him.
You are a kindred spirit, and my heart is blessed.