How many of you were thinking that I am pregnant?
I'm not.
In fact, I was so tired out yesterday afternoon when I realized that's what I made some of you think, I almost started to cry. Because it is a miracle that my two kiddos and I are all here.
Because of the way things went during my two pregnancies, my doctor strongly recommended that Ben and I be content with the family that we have and not try any subsequent pregnancies. Ben and I talked it through. And prayed a lot. And decided that what we have is really good. And that we didn't want to chance a lot of hard things happening with another baby. So, we decided to be done. And most of the time I am really happy and content with our decision.
But there are days when I think that maybe we could have done it. Maybe my uterus wouldn't stop growing this time. Maybe the baby would want to stay inside until full term. Maybe I wouldn't have to be on bed-rest . . . And then I think realistically and know that if a uterus stops growing in a first pregnancy, and stops growing even earlier in a second pregnancy, it will stop growing even earlier in a third pregnancy. And I know that my doctor told me that if we were to try again, he would put me on at least partial bed-rest at 20 weeks. And then what would my other kiddos do. And who would I rely on for everything (laundry, groceries, cooking, cleaning) for 20 weeks? And would it be fair to assume that my mom or my friends would just help me. For 20 weeks. And chances are, I still wouldn't go full term. So chances are, there would be an NICU stay. Probably earlier and longer than Isaac's. So, how to care for Maddie and Isaac and spend time in an NICU (which is at least 45 minutes away from here) with a new baby?
And then I have to just let it go. And rest in the fact that Ben and I made our decision together. That we both have great peace about it. That Ben, Elizabeth, Maddie and Isaac make up a wonderful little family. That we have so much fun together. That I wouldn't change our little life for the world.
So, if you were guessing that I am pregnant, please don't feel bad. I've been thinking about sharing a bit about this here sometime. I just haven't known when I would. This was the perfect opportunity.
I love babies. Very much. I am so excited for all of you who are pregnant or who have new little ones. One of my favorite things is to kiss a baby right where their tiny eat meets their tiny cheek . . . you should kiss a baby there sometime. Such sweet softness.
So, all this baby stuff that I am showing you. Well. I have a little Etsy shop. It has been empty since just after Christmas. Part of what I am working on is filling it up. And some of what will be in there is Vintage Baby Items. Including the little planters I showed you yesterday. Also there will be some baby blankets and other bits - some vintage and some hand made by me with vintage or repurposed fabrics. It has been very fun gathering up all these baby things. And it will be even more fun to share them!
Over the next few days, I will be blogging about some of the other items that will be appearing in my shop (not all for baby. Some things for grown-ups, too!) and about when my shop will be open. Also, my appearance on another lovely blog is fast approaching . . . dun-da-da-dun! So, more bits of sunshine coming your way over the next week or so!