Bits of Sunshine

taste of summer

let me tell you about this summer
or maybe i want to tell myself so that i don't forget
some of what has been encompassed
in this summer of change
in this summer of settling
in this summer of growing

these words .:: change, settling, growing ::.  are definitely the framework for this summer

change: ben applied and was selected for a new position in june.  he is now a station manager, a fire operations supervisor.  he is based an hour from home - not two and a half or almost three.  maddie and isaac both had jobs this summer.  regularly scheduled jobs.  they also both have a favorite person to work out relating to and spending time with.  they are fourteen-and-a-half and almost-sixteen and will both be in high school this fall.  oh wow.  oh wow. 

{side trail.  when you have babies and toddlers, everyone tells you how fast your time with your kids goes/will go.  you vaguely believe them because you remember growing up and it doesn't seem like you lived with your mom and dad all that long - especially the older you get.  the older you get, the less of your life you spent under your parents' roof, so you kind of get what they are all saying.  but this.  this right here.  getting one set for ninth grade and one for tenth.  this makes it feel like it is all going fast.  really fast.  these tall, beautiful, wonderful people who hug me and make me feel small, who i love to talk with and listen to and laugh with.  there are all the ways they are growing and changing and becoming.   the having to say freshman and sophomore.  goodness, this all makes me feel the fastness, the speed, makes me believe them - the ones who say the things about time going fast.  it goes really fast.}

also - dramatic change for me - this is the first summer ever, in my whole life, that i have had an eight to five, monday through friday job.  while i appreciate the steadiness, the salary, the permanence, this is a strange, new situation for me, and i am learning how to function without a fluctuating schedule and without working on an as-needed basis.  my schedule doesn't vary from week to week.  i am not waiting for a phone call to know if i am needed for work the next day.  in some ways, i miss being the fill-in, the save-the-day, but in a lot of ways, i am also so very grateful that my position won't change this fall or this winter or in the spring.  i get to continue settling.

settling:  we are doing a lot of settling.  even with all the changing.  i have been repainting some rooms in our house, and touching up other worn places on the walls.  we got a few pieces of furniture and some rugs to make the kids' rooms even more comfortable.  a new mattress for isaac will really make his room feel complete.  we have slowly picked away at finding furniture that fits in each room of our house.  the guest room is very cozy and comfortable.  we have had many, many guests stay with us on their way through from east to west or west to east.  i love that we have a place to offer, a comfortable bed, a place to relax and have a meal.  this winter, ben built in a tv and game shelf in the den and we found a great sectional for that space.  i just ordered a new table and chairs for the kitchen that should work well and replace the hodgepodge we have going on in the corner of the kitchen right now.  on saturday, ben and i made a run for a craigs-list couch, and it was just exactly the right one for our living room.  i need to paint the stairwell, and then, the only painting left to do is the outside of the house.  we have a few more ideas for projects we would like to keep picking away at as we continue to settle into our house. 

we are settling with people.  we each have some good friends, people that we have connected with.  maddie and isaac have found their sports and activities, their youth group and their bible study group.  we are figuring out how we do life with the nature of ben's job, and as he settles into this new position, we will get to the point where we know what to expect more often than not.  that will be a wonderful settled feeling.  and we are all in positions where we are thriving and growing.   

growing: mainly isaac.  he's taller than me now and definitely not slowing down.  maddie has been taller than me for about two years now.  and she has been growing her hair longer again.  we have all grown our knowledge base in our jobs and with books we have read and studies we are doing this summer. 

then there are the hollyhocks.  hollyhocks between the sketchy neighbors' house and ours.  hollyhocks that are red and white and peach and magenta and pink.  hollyhocks that grew taller than the house, that filled in the view for these summer months.  hollyhocks that i hope will grow again next summer.  and we should be here to see them.  because we are settling.  staying.  doing our changing in this place. 

 

first day . . . last day

 

and all the thoughts.

so many thoughts in looking at these pictures together.  bookends to this school year.  

they grew.  maddie is so pretty.  isaac is so handsome.  they are both so kind.  they are funny.  nothing makes me happier than hearing them laugh.  they are wonderful.  they make me smile.  sometimes we disagree.  sometimes they make me so mad.  we share laughter, and joy, and frustration, and growing pains, and utter confusion, and solid knowing.  so many times, they fill my heart to bursting.  

8th and 9th grade - done at noon today.  

and my kids are already on to all the activities that will mark them as a 9th and a 10th grader.  a freshman and a sophomore.  

isaac got his football helmet for freshman year already, and has an initial camp/practice on monday.  maddie has a volleyball camp monday-wednesday next week - starting to ready for j.v. tryouts.  they both have summer jobs.  they both have plans for some time at the beach with friends.  and right now, i am thinking that i am going to block off some days that i will take off work, that the three of us can do some summery fun things together.  and some days that the four of us (b+e+m+i) can do the same.  we need to claim some days, right now.  so we don't make it to the end of the summer without a few days of ease, together.  

oh, friends, if you have littles, know that all the work you are putting in now to play with your kids, really know your kids, to build relationships, to help them find the things they like to do and that they have the potential to do well, all that work will pay off.  it will.  and you will have teenagers that you love to spend time with.  keep choosing them.  and they will keep choosing you.  if you have more than one kiddo, help them choose each other (at least some of the time!), model the choosing.  help them build each other up, tell them they are wonderful, model the telling.  you stand to gain so much joy and such a beautifully full heart.  

i love these two, ever so very much.  

here's to laughter, and friday, and summertime, and new beginnings!  

 

down memory lane

yesterday at lunchtime, isaac and i were talking about what he had been like as a 6-year-old and as an 11-year-old . . . . and i decided to just look back on my blog . . . so we took a trip down memory lane.  it was so much fun to talk and remember and laugh and be grateful.  

i need to document our days, and my thoughts.  what a gift to be able to look back.  

today, this picture popped up on my facebook memories - and i wanted to plop it right here, and add the comments.  

i posted this picture six years ago with the caption "the second man of the house picked these for me"

the first comment was "you mean . . . the REAL MAN?"  to which i replied "he learned everything he knows about the way to a woman's heart from the first man of the house."  and received the answer, "touche."

then a friend commented that isaac is a sweetheart, and i replied, "he brought them to me, bound together with the rubber band - they look pretty together, don't they mom? - he asked as he handed them to me."

six years ago isaac was eight.  ben was restarting his wildland fire career.  i was homeschooling with maddie and isaac and having so much fun with them.  we were raising chickens and pigs.  we were on the brink of our living situation being up-ended and shook out and dramatically changed.  

and in the midst of all of that and so much more, isaac took the time to bring me a bouquet, and i took time to document it.  

take the pictures.  write the words.  and then revisit them, my friends.  you'll be so very glad you did.  

 

on blogging

yesterday afternoon, i was thinking about writing a blog post, and i was thinking about how i have not blogged much in the past few years, and why . . .

i do use instagram, and post there almost daily.  find me @bits_of_sunshine 

but, an instagram post isn't a blog post.  it is a different platform.  one i like.  but one where i miss the opportunity to post pictures that i would think will be viewed in a larger format, and one where i miss the opportunity to put fingers to keyboard and type more words much more quickly than i can with just my thumbs on my phone.  

so . . . thinking about why i don't blog as often . . . when i started blogging, i was home every day with my kiddos.  they were little, their stories were my stories were their stories were my stories.  i wasn't working 40+ hour weeks outside my home.  ben was home every evening and weekend.  i was really starting to think through a lot of ideas and opinions and starting to form variations on the ones i grew up with and beginning to form altogether new ones.  facebook wasn't the thing it is now.  there was no instagram, no snapchat, no lots of things.  

now, here i am, with two teens, a husband who is stationed away from home for a good portion of the year, a 40+ hour a week job, and years of evolving thought processes and all kinds of experiences that make up my story, but that involve so many others . . . and what parts of those stories are truly mine to tell . . . and what parts of those stories aren't mine . . . and where. is. that. line?

this evening, as i was mulling this over again, i popped onto instagram and read a post by candace @myheartinasquare where she wrote that she had written a post about her and one of her daughters and she had it all ready to post . . . she had it all wrapped up and tied with a bow, then she ripped off the bow and retied and ripped off . . . and isn't this mothering? and writing? and living? . . . i have the answer, then i don't, then i do, then i do and don't - both at the same time . . . 

this is blogging for me . . . but, my friends, i miss blogging.  and i keep coming back to it.  and maybe, just maybe, i'll get into a rhythm of posting more often.  because the time that isaac and i spent yesterday at lunch, looking back through old blog posts, remembering together - i need that, my heart needs that.  my blog as catalyst for memory is really, really important to me.  so.  here goes nothin'.  or somethin'.  

and in the meantime - go gently, love fiercely, and be wonderful, my friends.

beyond the middle of april

beyond the middle of april - and here i am - with a big hole in this blog where i meant to have post after post - almost thirty of them where there are currently zero

life has a funny way of taking what i mean to do and throwing all those intentions in the mixer - rumbling and roaring and tossing what i intended against all the raw reality of the lives mine is intertwined with - and sometimes my intentions work through the mix and are accomplished - and sometimes they are rubbed and twisted and rolled and stretched and cut and shrunk all at once into something i never would have imagined - 

so - here i am now - on the eve of april twenty-third - writing a little something - and leaving you all with some pictures of where i was blessed to walk today - i was with my three favorites and two others - but these pictures are of the big, wide open - i wish i could give you lungs full of the clear air, shoulders warm in the sun, hair lifted gently by the breeze, ears filled with air broken by the voices of sandhill cranes and pheasants and meadow larks, eyes open to the space and space and space - i wish i could fill you up with the same wide peace that i felt all afternoon - 

go gently, my friends, love fiercely, and be wonderful, 

love, e

sunflower

friends,

here is a summery sunflower.

i have been sick and my days have been full.

tomorrow is a new day.

there will be coffee and hopefully a less stuffy nose and eyes that don’t run and time for more words.

for now, go gently, love fiercely, and be wonderful.

love, e

 

sunday

this was my view this afternoon before i closed my eyes and slept for a few hours.  wow. did i get hit hard with some bug. i am a wreck of a weepy left eye and achy hips among other things i could whine about but won’t.  i’m staying home tomorrow and am not a bit sad about that.  

the sun was shining, but the temperature never got above zero today.  i’m so thankful for a furnace that keeps this little house warm and a pile of cozy blankets and b+m+i and all the kids who hung out at our place this weekend and good news from a good friend and encouragement to keep working hard and doing well.  

 

saturday mid-day desk transformation

the past few weeks, i kept stuffing things in my desk - a newspaper, and empty envelope, a bill, a letter, the new dental insurance cards, etc, and times one hundred.  i’ve known i need to pull all the things out and sort and throw away and respond to and pay and organize all of the things ... so, late this morning, after a hot shower and some hot coffee and my second list of thirty in march, i opened the desk and started in on the sorting.  i paid the bills, threw away the garbage, made a small stack of letters to respond to; i filed the papers that pertain to our house, cleared out the tax paper work, and made a plan for getting started on some dental/orthodontic work for the kids.  it is not lost on me, in fact, the gratitude brings tears to my eyes, that God has put us in this place, that ben and i have worked so hard to have jobs that allow me to pay the bills and plan the orthodontic work.  we have worked and moved and gone without and worked some more and done our utmost to live and act with integrity.  and here we are.  blessed and striving to be a blessing.  somewhere in the process of cleaning the desk and feeling the gratitude, i finished the pot of coffee.  and the sun shone in all day.  

ben was away for the day, teaching, but he’s home again now - so we will enjoy our evening together.  

maddie and isaac vacuumed and swept and took out trash this morning so they would be ready to have friends over for a hobbit marathon this afternoon.  i made pizza and french fries and my new peanut butter bars for them.  (wait.  who am i kidding? the bars are for me.  but i’ll share ...)

this day is definitely right up there on the list of favorite days ... the pace has been so easy, so even the “work” has been restful.  

i hope the rest of your saturday is peaceful and easy.  

with love, e

hello march

well, hello there, march.  i thought you were coming in like a lamb, you know, this afternoon, when it was 20 degrees outside and the snow was melting.  but, early evening, the temperature started to drop, and it started to snow, and the wind picked up, and, march, it appears as though you are coming in like a lion.  and that, well, i would say, that’s just fine with me.  so long as you decide to go out like a lamb, then.  

.. .. .. .. .. 

and, march, while you decide lion or lamb, i’m going to do some writing and some listing and some working and some playing and some learning and some reading and some listening and, maybe, some resting, too. 

also, i’m planning to do some exercising as many days as i can make it happen. i made it to the gym tonight.  a bit of running, a bit of rowing, a bit of weight lifting, some work for my heart and my muscles.  also, i’m gifting myself (at ben’s suggestion) some artificial sunshine.  and man, does 10-15 minutes of warm, warm light feel good.  

i’ll be listing on instagram with @30daysoflists and blogging here.  i think this is going to be a good, good month.  

.. .. .. .. ..

happy march, my friends.  go gently, love fiercely, and be wonderful. 

hello on this last day of february

{out for a snowy, cold walk with ben and isaac}
{fresh haircut; i still cut my own hair.  i have for 8 years.}

{good words and coffee, always and ever.}
{more snow, more sunshine.  i document the sunny days . . . }
{purple, purple, and more purple birthday gifts for my sister.  she is one of my february people.}
{evening light and some favorite knick-knacks}
{winter blues - working on chasing them away with fruit and exercise and a few go-rounds in the tanning bed}
{more good words and coffee.  and chocolate.}

{more chocolate - find the recipe to this invention on my instagram.}

hello my friends,

and hello to this space.

i have been remembering when i used to feel terrible for missing one day of blogging . . . i posted pictures and wrote something almost every day for the first years of this blog . . . as life has moved along, my posting has become every more sporadic . . . and now, i have missed a full month . . . nothing from me here in january.  

that certainly doesn't mean that nothing is happening!  i do post something on instagram most days - little snippits and tidbits and bits of sunshine.  and that link should work whether you have an instagram account or not.  and i am telling myself that it is ok that i have not blogged so regularly over the past few years.  

but!  i am also reminded of how much i really do love to blog.  the act of taking pictures and choosing pictures to share is good for my mind, my heart, and my soul.  the act of putting words together and publishing them is also so good for my mind, my heart, and my soul. 

i am joining 30 days of lists for the month of march.  i will be writing in a beautiful journal that my mom made for my birthday last year, i will be posting on instagram, and i will blog here.  every day.  in march.  as a gift to myself.  

there will be coffee and treats, sunshine and grey skies, joy and certainly some bumps in the road, realness and rawness, gentleness and fierceness, evenings at home and evenings on the road, words read and words written, music and laughter, conversations and silence, hugs and kisses, and so many bits that make up a month - so many bits that will make up the month where exactly mid-way, i will turn from 38 to 39 - the month in which i will make a list of 40 things to do before i turn 40 (with a nod to a friend of mine who is ticking off her 40 before 40 - and that seems like fun!).

so - friends, here's to 30 days of pictures and writing.  

go gently, love fiercely, and be wonderful.

love, e