bits of sunshine

12.11.19

nourish - 3 lists

nourish myself
a walk
sweet potatoes (all ways – baked, roasted, mashed, cubed, fried, etc)
music (listened to, played, or sung)
writing and reading (good words)
sleep and rest (enough of each)

nourish others
homemade cookies (or apple pie bars)
coffee or tea or hot chocolate
listening ear
kind words
providing for rest

nourish as a concept
care for
hold up – support (with encouragement)
nudging (gently) (sometimes shoving)
sharing food and water (giving nutrients)
edify (joyful encouragement)

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i just gave myself 15 minutes to sit with this word, this idea, this way of being - nourish -

i hope that you, my friend, will give yourself 15 minutes to take some deep breaths and think or just rest. 

also - this post is full of ideas for rest and nourishment in this season of busy days.

go gently, love fiercely, and be wonderful.

love, e

12.10.19

peace - this morning - in my office 
christmas music playing
heater humming
knowing our days are held in His hands
knowing that His peace passes all understanding
reminding myself to breathe peace all through myself – no matter what today may bring

12.5.19

tonight, remembering the feeling of room temperature fluid running cold into my arm through an iv.  feeling so very grateful that that was long ago, that i am home, in my own house, that i get to sleep in my own bed.  praying peace and healing for my friends who are in hospital beds, who don’t know when next they will sleep in their own beds.  
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i will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone O Lord make me to dwell in safety  ..... psalm 4:8

12.4.19

gifts today: 

kyla not being able to wait to give me my christmas gift - beautiful earrings from girl ran away with the spoon

a few extra minutes to sit in my backyard in the sun in the fresh air

a coffee meeting with a co-worker who is also a friend 

all four pattens doing the grocery shopping together

conversation that helped isaac and ben and i understand each other better 

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listing #justfivethings with michelle 

12.3.19

Sometimes you need to sit lonely on the floor in a quiet room in order to hear your own voice and not let it drown in the noise of others.~ Charlotte Eriksson ~

some days are like that.  time to sit on the floor.  with moments for quiet, for alone. 

and sometimes i sit in the living room, on the couch, while my family sits at the table, my son making crazy music - sort of a hum, sort of a trumpet, sort of an elk call . . .my daughter laughing and laughing . . . my husband tying flies and finding his own quiet in the midst of the joyful cacophony of teenage music and talking and laughing and riotous story telling.  

yesterday, i took about ten minutes for myself, in the sunlight, in my backyard, just me.  breathing and feeling the warmth through my jacket, sitting quietly and listing gratitudes.  

today, i did not take time for listing.  but i did take time for tea with a lovely girl.  and i took time to sit at the table and eat supper with my husband.  and i am writing this post, here on the couch, with my family bumping all around me. 

tomorrow, i will look for some moments to take for myself, for quiet, just a few.  

 

 

12.2.19

violets bloom in east-facing windows, and only when they feel at home.  so far, so good on staying awhile.  the violets and i agree we should stay awhile, and then longer still.  

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{in the spirit of the _habit_ posts i used to love on flickr} {one image with 32 words or less}

12.1.19

on the first day of december:

woke to sun shining 

drank a lot of coffee

wore a cozy sweater and slippers

watched/listened to a word-by-word teaching on philippians 1:3-11 

prayed with my family

packed up some snail mail - a tiny gift, some samples of fabulous shampoo, and socks to be replaced

checked over the list of christmas card addresses - in preparation for the arrival of the cards i ordered yesterday

helped isaac cover the seat for his snowmobile - painters canvas, upholstery tacks, thread, and hot glue

made stir fry with left-over turkey and left-over veggies

thought about getting out the christmas tree - but didn't just yet - maybe one evening this week

did some laundry

and will end the day watching the downton abbey movie 

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sending all of you my best wishes for a merry and bright december

also - some tips for steering clear of the crazy, and doing more enjoying and less stressing

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go gently, love fiercely, and be wonderful.

xoxo, e

throwback thursday :: isaac reads

{as i have been revisiting my blog the past few days, i found this post in the archives.  i wrote it on may 25, 2015.  for some reason, i had never published it.  but, oh, did it do my heart good to find this and read it and know that now isaac is in ninth grade and he has overcome so much!  he is doing so well in school.  he reads and works hard and is pretty amazing.  and, like i wrote four and a half years ago, i am still so excited to see where we go from here - where he goes from here!  i am so very proud to be isaac's mom.}

on december 14, 2013, isaac asked me "mom, when am i going to be able to read chapter books?"  i had to say, "i don't know."  that almost broke my heart.

he worked and worked at his reading. 

in march of 2013, he got his glasses and we started his eye exercises - which we continued all through the summer.

he worked so hard at his reading and writing all through this school year.

this past thursday, may 21,2014, isaac took a comprehension test on a chapter book.  the first chapter book he ever read.  he read it all by himself.  Geronimo Stilton: I'm Not A SuperMouse.  he got an 80% on the test! 

he also gave a speech, not just talked, but read what he had written, to me, three peers and five other adults.  he read it so well.  clearly.  with emotion and interest.  and he was so sure of himself.  i was, and still am, so very proud of him. 

he went from reading at a late kindergarten, early first grade level this school year, to reading at a third grade level and from only reading aloud to reading to himself - a whole chapter book!  i am so excited to see where we go from here - where he goes from here! 

isaac - you ROCK!

teenagers

i have two. 
and i love them so very much. 
and i don't wish that they were little again. 
i kind of like that they are taller than me. 

i enjoy talking about issues and politics and morals and the bible and relationships with them.  i like seeing what they create, how they dress, how they set up their rooms, how they style their hair, what they write for homework assignments, how they interpret project directions.  i like to watch {some} of their shows and listen to {some} of their music.  

there isn't a day that goes by that i don't think about how i am parenting them, if i am doing a good job.  how much to direct.  how much to just let happen.  when to give advice.  when to give ultimatums.  how much sleep they need.  how much i should help with homework.  when i should visit with a teacher.  how much i need to know each of their friends.  what they are eating.  if they are taking their vitamins and eating some fruit and veggies.  when i should get on their case about cleaning their room or doing some dishes.  

ben and i talk often about our kids and what we see in them and how we want to continue with our parenting.  these conversations take time and effort and energy, but i wouldn't trade the time for anything.  and it seems like what we are doing is working pretty well so far.  we have an almost 15-year-old and a 16-year-old who are both doing pretty darn well in the decision-making and relating parts of life.  i certainly don't have it all figured out, but i am so willing to talk about what we do and why we do it if it might help others navigate their journey.  this is ongoing, of course, but it seems like the past week has offered ben and i opportunities to listen to our kids and to speak encouragement and advice into their situations, and to read some articles and instagram posts and a chapter in a leadership book that all speak to what is in my heart about parenting my kids.  here's some bits:

what were you thinking?!? understanding the teenage brain  -- a short excerpt on brain function.  after reading this article today, i put the book in my amazon cart because the author, frances jensen, says, "what i learned while writing this book is that there is still a lot of myth out there about teenagers. an attitude of, 'oh, they’ll be fine. they will bounce back. they will grow out of it.' well, teenagers do grow out of it, but i felt we were dismissing what they were doing during the teenage years. it’s an incredibly valuable and precious time. it’s a time you can still really scaffold your brain for your future life."  she also talks from a neurological standpoint about why they don't turn off lights and put dishes in the dishwasher.  she's speaking to me, i know it.   

what teenagers need from us (almost) more than anything else -- as we navigate all the busy-ness, our teens need us even when they withdraw from us.  i first read this article a couple years ago.  it resonated with me, i talked about it with ben, i shared it on facebook.  early this week, it popped up on my facebook memories, and i re-read it and wanted to share it with you.  i was going to share which of the five points resonated with me most . . . but they all resonate, deeply and clearly.    

dare to lead -- i am currently reading this book for our leadership miles city class.  there is so much in these pages that pertain to parenting and to marriage,or to any relationship, really, not just to work-place situations.  i wrote the following paragraph as an instagram post early this week:

. clear is kind . unclear is unkind . most of us avoid clarity because we tell ourselves that we’re being kind, when what we’re actually doing is being unkind and unfair . feeding people half-truths or flattery or a line of bull to make them feel better (which is almost always about making ourselves feel more comfortable) is unkind . not getting clear with our spouse, partner, child, friend, parent, colleague about our expectations because it feels too hard, yet holding them accountable or blaming them for not delivering is unkind . talking about people rather than to people is unkind . this lesson has the potential to wildly transform relationships and lives . clear is kind . unclear is unkind . . {mostly from p 48 in dare to lead} . {working on this in my own life . working on teaching this to my children . speaking and acting with clarity and integrity . speaking and acting with kindness .} .

and, in this vein, as i focus on clearly conveying my expectations to my children, i work on giving them the tools to make a completely informed decision about if they will do as i ask, or not do as i ask.  if i am clear, we both know if my expectations were respected and carried out or if my instructions and expectations were disregarded.  and what then, if my expectations are disregarded, do the consequences look like?  what consequence would be thought-provoking and restorative, not simply punitive and meted out because i am the boss around here.  wow.  these thought processes take effort.  there is no set-in-stone approach.  restorative consequences must be thought out in relation to each unique situation and attitude.  { @lightbreaksforth wrote a bit about this on october 22 on her instagram account }  

i am working on asking myself what each of my kids need to be their best self.  ben and i talk about this.  we are working at giving our kids the tools they need to be healthy in every sense of the word {in relationships, in rest, in exercise, in nourishment, in freedom, and with boundaries}, and then to help them know that they are worthy of being healthy.  

and a friend shared a post from @sageparenting that really says a lot of all of this, and some more, and seems to be a good way to wrap up this post:

tots and teens get a bad rap but i loved the toddler season and now i’m loving the teenage season. both are developmental stages when the body outpaces the brain, the amygdala outpaces the prefrontal cortex, and independence outpaces competence.
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but actually, the reason these seasons are so often experienced as the hardest in parenting is because the mainstream parenting approach backfires. if your relationship is based on dominance and control, you’re up a creek with no paddle. if your self-worth is based on your child’s obedience, you’re going to panic. you cannot punish a toddler out of a tantrum and you cannot punish a teen away from differentiation.
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but if your relationship is based on connection, trust, and freedom, these seasons feel seamless. if i’m being honest, i really do parent my teen the same way i parented my toddler - different shades of the same color.
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so for all of you dreading the coming season of adolescence, i’m here to whisper in your ear that teens are actually awesome. 

and on that note, my parent friends, go bravely, love fiercely, and be wonderful. 

and if you are not a parent, and you've read this far, maybe you understand your parent friends a little better.  and maybe there are some things here that will color the way you interact with your partner or your friends or your coworkers.  

to all of you dear ones, go gently, go bravely, love fiercely, and be wonderful.  

love, e

the "first" thanksgiving

often the study of history is like pulling on a thread: some detail catches your attention and leads to something else, another detail.  a narrative slowly unraveling, slowly revealing something behind it, something hidden or forgotten.  - errol morris

pulling on a thread . . .  when we were still living in minnesota, ben worked with a many who had a large forearm tattoo.  a tattoo of 38 hanging men.  of course ben asked him about it.  and he told ben some minnesota history that neither of us had ever heard before.  he told ben about the hanging at mankato in 1862.  when ben told me about this piece of history, he and i did some research and later watched a documentary of a memorial ride from lower brule, south dakota, to manakto, minnesota.  this was a detail that caught my attention.  and over the years, this narrative is slowly unraveling for me.  i choose to continue to pull gently on the thread, to examine parts of this story. 

last fall, i did an exercise in which i researched answers to these questions {what native american tribes historically lived in montana? what tribe's historical homeland do i live on? how many native nations are in the united states? what are reservations and why do they exist? name 10 living native american celebrities, acitivists, and/or political leaders.}  this was very eye-opening and i recommend that you think about doing this same exercise.

also last fall a friend had posted this link {decolonizing thanksgiving} on her facebook - through which i found this article {deconstructing the myths of the "first thanksgiving"}.  ever the unraveling thread.  

a few of the myths that particularly struck me:

myth #1: "the first thanksgiving" occurred in 1621.  fact: no one knows when the "first" thanksgiving occurred. people have been giving thanks for as long as people have existed. indigenous nations all over the world have celebrations of the harvest that come from very old traditions; for native peoples, thanksgiving comes not once a year, but every day, for all the gifts of life.

myth #3: the colonists came seeking freedom of religion in a new land.  fact: the colonists were not just innocent refugees from religious persecution. by 1620, hundreds of native people had already been to england and back, most as captives; so the plymouth colonists knew full well that the land they were settling on was inhabited. nevertheless, their belief system taught them that any land that was "unimproved" was "wild" and theirs for the taking; that the people who lived there were roving heathens with no right to the land. both the separatists and puritans were rigid fundamentalists who came here fully intending to take the land away from its native inhabitants and establish a new nation, their "holy kingdom." the plymouth colonists were never concerned with "freedom of religion" for anyone but themselves. 

myth #10: the pilgrims and indians became great friends.  fact: a mere generation later, the balance of power had shifted so enormously and the theft of land by the european settlers had become so egregious that the wampanoag were forced into battle. In 1637, english soldiers massacred some 700 pequot men, women and children at mystic fort, burning many of them alive in their homes and shooting those who fled. the colony of connecticut and massachusetts bay colony observed a day of thanksgiving commemorating the massacre. by 1675, there were some 50,000 colonists in the place they had named "new england." that year, metacom, a son of massasoit, one of the first whose generosity had saved the lives of the starving settlers, led a rebellion against them. by the end of the conflict known as "king philip's war," most of the indian peoples of the northeast region had been either completely wiped out, sold into slavery, or had fled for safety into canada. shortly after metacom's death, plymouth colony declared a day of thanksgiving for the english victory over the indians. 

i am not anti-thanksgiving.  i am all for a day that reminds people to focus on the good, to get together with the people they love, to list gratitudes, to focus on thankfulness.  but, if we are going to talk about the history of thanksgiving as a holiday, let's tell it truthfully.  

beginning with george washington, some presidents called for a day of thanksgiving to be observed, some did not.  in 1863, then-president abraham lincoln proclaimed that the fourth thursday in november would be set side as a day of thanksgiving and praise.  and so we have our holiday.  

as for me, i'll probably read the article about thanksgiving myths to my kids and husband  and see what conversation that sparks.  and, this fourth thursday in november, i'll be with some family and some dear friends, laughing, counting gratitudes, catching up, playing games, and probably eating too much of a variety of food (especially pie).

and my wish for you?  that you, too, find threads of history that catch your attention, that you carefully pull the thread and learn from the unraveling, that you are not content with the stories you have been taught, but that you set out to uncover and learn and pass on truth.  

go gently, love fiercely, and be wonderful.

love, e

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of further interest :

strong resilient indigenous 

through her native eyes

gregg deal

indigenous in plain sight

indigenous women have been disappearing