bits of sunshine

december day three

this weekend was a whole lot of ice hockey

and some rest.
yesterday afternoon i took a three-hour nap.
the sun was streaming in our hotel room window.
i laid down,
pulled up a blanket,
got my pillow just right
and fell asleep. hard.
and rested well. 

and i found this thought yesterday:

stop demanding the same strength and productivity from yourself year-round.
as the nights become longer and colder,
grant your body the rest it's so often denied. 

slow. mend. 

let this sacred darkness carry you into dreaming. 

in the dark, choose rest

(instagram: @blackliturgies)

 

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p.s. change - renewal - a tiny goodbye that means something to me 

also - this weekend, i used my old, one-shoulder bag for the last time. ben got the first one for me eleven years ago - and i have used it most days since i got it. the main zipper recently gave out (i have been nursing it along and unzipping it so carefully for the past few weeks) - and most of the fabric is soft from years of wear. i went looking on ebay and found the same one, in like-new condidtion. tonight, i switched my things from old bag to new and discarded the old one. this felt like something worth marking. so, here is the documentation - for myself. 

 

 

 

december day one

welcome, month of holidays and celebration - i plan to recognize many of these days - and look for the joy in each day this month.

welcome month of hustle and bustle - i plan to hustle and bustle a bit. but i also plan to soak in the moments and take deep breaths and do some resting.

welcome month of endings and beginnings - a year will come to an end, but we celebrate new birth and hope and joy. 

welcome month of the darkest days - we will fill you with candlelight and starlight and strings of lights. we will find comfort in the turning inward and holding close that these lights in the darkness invite. 

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welcome friends. welcome to december, here on my blog. 

in this season of celebration, deep melancholy, and great joy - go gently, love fiercely, and be wonderful. 

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love, e

sunday coffee series

july 17:

. enjoying 78 degrees this morning and watering my flowers before we creep up to 105 or so this afternoon . it should be a perfect day to enjoy an afternoon movie .
.
. oh summertime, there is so much i love about you . ☀️🌊🌻☕️🌾🍧✨
.
#sundaycoffeeseries with connie  // mug from ben for an anniversary eight or so years ago 🥰

 

july 24:

coming to you from Miles City Interagency Dispatch Center
.
from the Aircraft desk
.
mug was a gift from ben, purchased at the Pima Air and Space Museum in Tucson, AZ
.
#sundaycoffeeseries with connie  // #wildlandfirewife #wildlandfiredispatch 
.
weather - sunny - 71 degrees F - 53% humidity - it’s going to head towards 90 degrees and 20% humidity as the day wears on

 

july 31:

. enjoying 76 degrees this morning and planning to water my flowers before it gets hotter . last day of july - and i’m not sure what i think about this .
.
. i started a book by madeleine l’engle yesterday - and read until way too late last night (early this morning?) .
.
. oh summertime, there is so much i love about you . ☀️📖🌳🌳☕️🌻🍧✨
.
#sundaycoffeeseries with connie // mug created by arne ceramics in flagstaff, az / gifted to me by stef and simon // at home in front of number six-twelve

sunday coffee and words

Numbers 20 - Miriam dies
and the well dries up
the people complain - they are thirsty and afraid
God tells Moses to take his staff
          assemble all the poeple
          and SPEAK to the rock
          tell the rock to yeild water

But Moses - once again - doesn't trust that words will work
back in Exodus chapters 3 and 4 (3:11 and 13 and 4:1, 10, and 13)
Moses told God five times
that he (Moses) wouldn't know how to talk to Pharaoh,
that he couldn't do it,
that no one would listen to his voice, his words.

God continues to tell Moses that He (God) will provide the words
and He asks Moses, out of exasperation, I think,
"Who has made man's mouth?
Who makes him mute or deaf or seeing or blind?
Is it not I, the LORD?
Now go!
And I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak."

But Moses asks yet again, "Please send someone else."
Moses does not believe that the words God gives will be enough.
Spoken words enough to free a people?
Spoken words enough to create water in a desert?
Words spoken to Pharaoh will have power?
Words spoken to a rock - an unyeilding force - will produce what is demanded?
What power could words have?
Moses does not trust that God will honor His own words
          "tell the rock"
or that God will honor the words that Moses speaks. 

This whole existence is a story of words.
God created the whole world with words - by the WORD - remember?
"Let there be light."
And there was light.
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
All things were made through the Word.
In Him was life - life that is the light of humankind.
(Genesis 1:3 and John 1:1-4)

God made covenant with the ancestors of Jesus and people of ancient days with words. He made shifts in their names that changed their destinies. 

"Words are events, they do things, change things." (Ursala K. Guin)

If you lose faith in words, you lose power and your future changes.
Moses lost faith in words and his future changed.
When Moses continued to doubt the words of God,
the words of God's promises did not carry Moses to the fertile promised land;
Moses did not speak the words God offered to supply,
and he lived out his life in the barren desert. 

I don't want to discount the power of words. I want to take care with God's Words. I want to trust His Words.

I want to speak truth and life and living water with my words.

What promised lands may be opened or closed to me and to others because of what words I believe and what words I speak?

Moses did not speak to Pharoah as God would have empowered him to do.
Moses did not speak to the rock as God would have empowered him to do.
He missed opportunities to use the power of language. 

May we be blessed with the clarity we need to chose powerful words.
May we build a safer and stronger and more righteous world
for ourselves and those around us
with life-giving, life-affirming, intentional words. 

May we have the faith to speak to what seems immovable,
and may we have the joy of watching life-giving water gush forth from the Rock
by the power of our words. 

May it be so.
          Amen. 

 

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and a nod to Jericho Vincent {@thealef on instagram}, for the thought-provoking series "The World's Oldest Bookclub" 

Bookstack

Stacks of Kindnesses - by Lori Hetteen  - her third tiny book of seventeen syllable poetry. It is amazing what one can say in only seventeen syllables. You can see all three in my stories, and I highly recommend them all. 📚 

 

The Voices We Carry - by J.S. Park - I found J.S. on Instagram and have appreciated his voice so much. This book is his writing about all the voices inside of us - our own and others’ - that fight and clamor and make us who we are. I opened the book to page 121 and read, “[the voices] are trying to heal something that wiggles underneath the surface of our guts, something that’s pulsing and writhing down there. We exalt ourselves to avoid it. We condemn ourselves to prevent it. We exalt others to deflect it. We condemn others to fix it.” And a free pages later, “Intersecting with the cross, there’s this gift of resurrection, an invitation into restored life for a heart as flawed and fatal as mine, and it shows me that God is in the business of breathing life into busted places.” I am looking forward to reading all of it! 

 

The Alchemist - by Paul Coelho - a kindred spirit recommended this book to me and I have read it once and plan to read it again, pencil in hand, and underline and digest many passages. “To realize one’s destiny is a person’s only obligation.” “If you pay attention to the present, you can improve upon it. And if you improve upon the present, what comes later will also be better.” “We are afraid of losing what we have: life, possessions, health, property. But this fear evaporates when we understand that our life stories and the history of the world are written by the same hand.”

 

Pilgrim - by David White - a collection of poetry by an author Ben appreciates. Sometimes Ben sends me a poem to savor. I thought that I would purchase this book for him. The poem titled “Fifty” is truly beautiful. 

 

Seven Aunts - by Staci Lola Drouillard - was gifted to me by the University of Minnesota press to read and review. I am on page 33 and am captivated. “Each woman’s story is vital to tell - not because they were famous astronauts, inventors, politicians, or war heroes, but because they had the courage to live in this world at all. And that, for me, is enough.” This book is real stories about women who matter a lot. As do we all. The ordinary is amazing and necessary and beautiful. 

 

Call Us What We Carry - by Amanda Gorman - ever since hearing Amanda’s inaugural poem and her recitation, I knew I would buy collections of her poetry. “Children understand / Even grime is a gift, / Even what is mired is miraculous, / What is marred is still marvelous.” “ Words matter, for / language is an ark. / Yes, / Language is an art, / An articulate artifact. / Language is a life craft. / Yes, / Language is a life raft.” 

women at wells in scripture

We just talked about the Samaritan woman at the well in the Bible study I attend. I realized that there is a pattern of women at wells in Biblical stories, so I pulled what I knew together and did a little more study about Photina - the Samaritan woman at the well, and other women at wells.

 

Hagar is found by the angel of the Lord by a well. (She is an Egyptian - a stranger to Abraham's people - she has been rejected by her husband, but God found her by a well and sees her and hears her and makes her a promise).

 

Keturah who will become one of Abraham's wives is found at the Well of Sheba. (Her son, Midian, is Zipporah's ancestor.)

 

Rebekah, who will become Isaac's wife is found for him as she draws water from a well. (Her father, Bethuel, is Abraham's nephew.)

 

Rachel, who will become Jacob's wife, is found for him as she brings her flock to a well and Jacob removes the stone covering the well, so she can draw water. (Her son Joseph marries Asenath.)

 

Asenath, who will become Joseph's wife, served at a shrine with a well (She is also an Egyptian - a stranger to Abraham's people - brought into the people of God). (Her son Ephriam is Jesus' ancestor.)

 

Tamar who will bear Judah's children, is met by him at a well. (Her son Perez is Jesus' ancestor.)

 

Zipporah, who will become Moses' wife, is at the well to draw water, but Moses draws for her. (She is a Midianite - considered a stranger.) (Her son Eliezer is Jesus' ancestor.)

 

Achsah, Caleb's daughter, is given land by her father, and as a wedding gift, he also gives her two springs (wells) - the upper and the lower adjacent to her land. (A woman who is given an inheritance including springs of water.)

 

Photina is met by Jesus at a well - at Jacob's Well to be exact. And here are some more things I found interesting -

 

The tribe of Ephraim (the same Ephriam who is Jesus' ancestor) is the tribe the Samaritans descended from.

 

Photina has had five husbands and is now with a sixth man. The tribe of Ephriam adopted false gods from six nations.

 

Now Jesus - who always redeems, and who is the true Bridegroom, offers her living water. He is the seventh man. The one who brings completion and rest (on the seventh day, God rested). He is offering Photina redemption - and is also offering Ephriam's decendents redemption - because she runs to tell them that she has met the Messiah!

 

And Jesus sits on the well as he talks with Photina. This was not done. But there is a tie back to Jacob and Rachel. Jacob, before removing the stone covering the well, makes the comment "Behold it is high day; it is not time for the [miqneh] to be gathered." The word miqneh refers to livestock (or flocks) and literally means "the purchased". Jesus (our cornerstone, our foundation) is sitting on the well at noon (high day) and he tells his disciples that the field is white for harvest (which means people are ready to believe on him - and in believing, are purchased by his gift of salvation). When Jacob looked out, while the well was covered with a stone, it was not time for the purchased ones to be gathered. When Jesus looked out, siting on the well as the Stone - the Cornerstone, it was now time for the purchased ones to be gathered.

 

Jesus found Photina at the well - she is a picture of the church - the Bride of Christ comprised of relatives and strangers rejected by some, but found by God, seen and heard by God, and brought into His promise. We are purchased and given an inheritance, springs of living water, and true rest.

 

Sources:

Genesis 16:7-15 (Hagar at the well)

Genesis 24:11-67 (Rebekah at the well)

Genesis 29:1-14 (Jacob and Rachel at the well)

Genesis 38:13-30 (Tamar at the shrine - shrines had wells)

Genesis 41:45 (Asenath daughter of the priest who served at a shrine - with a well)

Genesis 25:1, 22:19 (Keturah is Abraham's wife, Abraham stayed in Beersheba [Beer=well, so Well of Sheba] with her)

Exodus 2:16-22 (Zipporah at the well)

Judges 1:12-15 (Achsah is given two springs)

I Kings 12:25-33 and II Kings 17:30-31 (The six nations that Ephriam adopted false gods from)

Genesis 25:1-2 (Midian is Keturah and Abraham's son)

Exodus 2:16, 18, & 21 (Zipporah is daughter of Reuel, a descendent and priest of Midian)

Genesis 24:15 (Rebekah's father is Abraham's nephew)

Genesis 35:24 (Rachel is Joseph's mother) Genesis 41:45 (Joseph marries Asenath)

Genesis 46:20 (Asenath is Ephraim's mother) (Ephraim is Joseph’s son; Joseph is Judah’s brother; Jesus is of the line of Judah)

The Samaritans occupied the land that was allotted to Ephraim and there is historical and DNA evidence that they descended from Ephraim.

Photina is not named in the Bible - but historical church records name her Photina or Photini. And from Alice Linsley, a Biblical Anthropologist, The Samaritan woman who Jesus spoke to at Jacob's well is known as Photini (enlightened one). She is esteemed among Christians. In the Eastern Church, she is regarded as "equal to the Apostles." She is the first evangelist in the New Testament since she ran to tell everyone about Messiah's appearing, and tradition holds that she and her children were martyred in Carthage.

I Peter 2:4 (Christ is the Living Stone)

Isaiah 28:16 and I Peter 2:6 (Christ is the Cornerstone)

The comparisons of Jesus at the well and Jacob at the well are drawn from Genesis 29:1-14 and John 4:6-42.

 

Much of the Old Testament is pictures and foretelling of what is to be fulfilled in Jesus. I love to find these connections. God is an amazing storyteller - telling the best story - the good news - the Gospel.

 

I also learned from: 

Just Genesis: A Woman at a Well by Alice Linsley and The Ecclesiology of Wells by Remy Wilkins

Roe v. Wade - Where do I stand?

June 24, 2022

Roe v. Wade

 

You do know that overturning these decisions doesn’t just mean that abortion will now be illegal in 13 states and soon in 26 - you know that, right? It means that birth control of any sort will now be open for new rulings. Do you think that this is just about aborting a pregnancy? It is not. This is about all of women’s agency in their own bodily autonomy and in all types of “family planning”. 

 

You also know that this opens the door for other civil rights SCOTUS rulings to be overturned - you know that, right? There are lawmakers who have said out loud - this year - in 2022 - that the legality of interracial marriage should be left up to individual states.* What will the 14th Amendment even mean anymore? 

 

And where do I stand? Today. On the topic of Roe v. Wade.

 

(The following scenarios are all people I know, people who have shared their stories with me - some whom I have walked with through these stories. These aren’t made up.) 

 

I stand with B and R who both chose to carry unviable pregnancies to birth, and to name the baby and say goodbye.

 

I stand with K who chose to terminate an unviable pregnancy at five months and to name the baby and say goodbye.

 

I stand with B who was able to terminate am ectopic pregnancy that would have caused extreme medical issues and possibly even her death.

 

I stand with A who chose to terminate a pregnancy when she was in an abusive relationship. [In the US, women who are pregnant or were pregnant in the past 42 days (the post-partum period) die by homicide at more than twice the rate that they die of bleeding or placental disorders — the leading causes of what are usually classified as pregnancy-related deaths. Also, becoming pregnant increases the risk of death by homicide: between the ages of 10 and 44 years, women who are pregnant or had their pregnancy end in the past year are killed at a rate 16% higher than are women who are not pregnant.]+

 

I stand with B who, as a junior in high school, chose to carry a pregnancy to term and have her baby be adopted.

 

I stand with K and R who, as seniors in high school, chose to carry their babies and raise them - who both celebrated those babies graduating from high school this spring. 

 

I stand with M who as a seventh grader was able to terminate a pregnancy and have some more days of childhood. 

 

I stand with all the girls who refuse to be victims in rape or non-consensual sex, who use plan B so that what is already a situation they have to deal with mentally and physically does not become a situation they are stuck in forever. 

 

I stand with J who has adopted two kiddos and taken on all of their physical, mental, and emotional trauma and also all their joys and laughter, and continues to help them find their wins. 

 

I stand with X who was adopted, abused by her adoptive parents, and is now, as an adult, working at healing. 

 

I stand with E who, after two very high risk pregnancies and births, was able to have a procedure to ensure she would never be pregnant again. 

 

I stand with H and every woman who has decided that they have been pregnant enough times and have procedures done to ensure they will not become pregnant again.

 

I stand with S and B and J who have been able to decide to not bear children.

 

I stand with any woman who uses birth control with or without her partner’s knowledge.

 

I stand with any woman who has sat tearfully alone, or with a doctor at any type of pregnancy care clinic, or, if they are so blessed, with people who love them dearly, and talked through options and made hard decisions. 

 

Today, I’m gutted. The “E” - that’s me. That’s my story. The procedure that allowed me to never become pregnant again - that maybe saved my life - and that certainly allowed me to be present for the two dear ones I birthed, could very well become illegal. I am so grateful that I had this choice. Others should have this choice, too. 

 

Where do I stand?

 

I stand on the conviction that NONE of these stories should have been mandated or legislated. I stand on the conviction that these choices all belong to the person who would become, or is already, pregnant and the healthcare personnel they trust.  That’s it. That’s all. That’s where I stand. 

 

 

 

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* Sen. Mike Bruan, R, Indiana, remarks

and this op-ed piece (with lots of links to research and supporting documentation)

 

+ Homicide is a Top Cause of Maternal Death in the US

 

it's june now - and where did may go?

it's june now
and where did may go?
may filled right up and overflowed
overflowed into the beginning of june
and there was little time to sit and write

for me, may started off with ben, isaac, and i pouring and finishing a concrete patio in our backyard
and then i jumped right into the mcc graduation festivities
i hosted a dinner to honor our distinguished alum
and presented an award to him at the graduation ceremony

in may, i found a few minutes here and there when the sun was shining,
to sit and soak in some warmth
in may, more often than not,
i wore wool socks and layers of fleece and wool and down

my mom and dad came to town and stayed for five days
we took full advantage of one sunny day,
my mom and i, to plant flowers
in new flower beds and established gardens and the flower pots that i plant annuals in each spring
on may 12, my parents and ben and isaac and i and so many friends
had the absolute pleasure of listening to maddie
and the ccdhs choir and chorale and choraleers
sing their spring concert -
maddie's final school concert
it was filled with the most beautiful music
and the alto section was led by the most wonderful person
(maddie is the one who led the alto section)
(i am so proud of her)

in may, i joined a bible study group and attended a few of the get-togethers
we are watching the chosen series
and doing some study based on the stories that are told in the cinematic work
(i am enjoying this so much,
and would like to write through some of my thoughts - maybe sometime yet in june)

in may, i did my hockey-mom stints in the concession stand at the fairgrounds
for both the mother's day horse races and the bucking horse sale
and i took isaac to a hockey camp in watford city
and enjoyed watching him skate and shoot and learn and grow

in may i bought myself a cane -
it is silver with pink and purple polk-a-dots
sometimes i need it
and sometimes i can ride my dirt bike
(i did that in may, too)

at the end of the month,
there was maddie's last day of high school
and isaac's last day of junior year

we ordered cake and put pictures on boards and hung balloons
we set out cute baskets and places for guests to write notes to maddie
and looked at the pictures on the boards so many times
- what a full and wonderful eighteen years we have had with maddie

so much to celebrate!

and at the end of may we celebrated!
we celebrated maddie's graduation from high school
with so many dear friends and family
(s+s, l+h+b, k+t, j, n,
and the whole guest list for the party)
and so much good food
(ben is maybe one of the best cooks in the whole world
we ate like royalty)
we spent as much time as possible outside between rain showers -
and even in rain showers
we made the most of that patio that ben and isaac and i poured
and we made the most of time with our dear, dear people

and may spilled into june with a drive to minnesota
and a party in the park to celebrate
maddie's graduation
and isaac's upcoming senior year
a party to celebrate where we have come from
and where we are now
and where we are going
a party to celebrate with the friends and family who made the effort to join us
who gave the gift of showing up and truly honoring us with their presence 

june began with love and celebration
and i'm so happy to be here for it 

go gently, my friends, love fiercely, and be wonderful

love, e

the blogger's question

4/21/2010 - a throw-back (with an update below)

Why do I blog?

A friend asked me this a few weeks ago.  Actually she asked how I decided to start blogging. 

How did I decide to start blogging?  Well, my friend Elissa pointed me to Soulemama.com and I started reading her blog and Elissa's blog,
and I thought - people like to read these, they are inspired and encouraged. 
I like to write.  I like to inspire and encourage people. 
And I know the greatest Inspiration and Encourager - and I could share Him. 
So - I started blogging. 
And then, I realized how many of my friends from far away could read about what I have going on. 
And right away - in the first month or two - I had people that I knew and people I had never met
tell me that what I wrote had inspired or encouraged them. 
And that was SO encouraging to me! 
I look at my blog as really a way to be a witness and a testimony. 
And it is a way that I am encouraged. 
I look for the best - the bits of sunshine in my days. 
And I know that if I am having a low, I have people out there will remind me of the bits of sunshine. 
It's SO good!  
And I read so many other mamas who stay home with their familys
and make their homes be a place of peace and comfort. 
And even if all our ideas and ideals don't match up,
it's really nice to know that there are people - all over - who love their familys
and see their homes as a haven
and make do with all sort of interesting thrifty ways of life -
and make it all beautiful. 
It is so fun to be inspired and in turn be an inspiration -
for wife-ing and mama-ing and home-making and home-schooling and playing and living. 
And it is my prayer that Jesus shines through me and my blog, always.

4/21/2022

and here i am in 2022, twelve years later, and a thousand posts later . . . sometimes blogging, sometimes putting thoughts and pictures together on instagram, connecting with friends in real life and through text and on facebook, and sometimes, still on this blog.

i learned so much from the other bloggers i read in those early days. i found recipes and sewing patterns and book suggestions and lesson plans in the blogs that i read. i had stay-at-home moms to learn from, some who were home because of church expectations, but more who were home because that was where they wanted to be. i found community - a community that extended to flickr and then onto instagram - a community of encouragement - a community who has encouraged me to grow. and our on-line interactions have turned into snail mail and texts and phone calls and real-life meet-ups. 

i blog for community, for connection, and to keep record of our days.

a special occasion

don't save something for a special occasion.  

every day of your life is a special occasion.

~thomas monson 

 

love your people.  

hug your people.  

set out the good dishes.  

use the favorite blanket.  

make a special cup of coffee for your best friend.  

buy an ice cream cone for your kiddo.    

sit and talk.  

hold hands.  

do what your heart is telling you to do for the people in your life.  

because every day of your life truly is a special occasion.