on july 27, ben had already been gone for 4 days
i wore my wildland firefighter t-shirt to our family get-together
i was the only 1 of 9 adults without my other half . . .
the back of my shirt?
it is wild, this love we share
and i wildly miss him,
while i am wildly proud of him and what he is doing
he's here, on the SW flank of the Big Windy Complex fire in Oregon
i used "ben's" mug at the get-together at my parents' house
so that and the t-shirt . . .
didn't make up for his arm around me, my hand in his, his eyes to meet across the way . . .
last friday i wrote about our home and about a log and about grace
so many of you so kindly responded here
and on facebook
and in emails and messages
and phone calls . . .
i feel less alone in all of this
thank you, my friends, thank you so much
we hadn't been sharing with, well, anybody, really
we didn't know what to say
but now it seems as though there must be an end sometime soon
and that notice is in the paper
and we are so grateful for kind thoughts
and prayers for a timely resolution to our situation with the bank
i am going through our home
back in october i wrote this
i didn't get very far with that organizing . . .
now i don't have a choice
we are going to get our belongings pared down to what would fit into a trailer
there will be a few boxes and pieces of furniture that get to stay in my mom and dad's storage room
but there will also be a big sale
furniture and glassware and books and fabric and toys and linens and knick-knacks and clothes and tools and ice fishing gear and all kinds of things
i have been going through things a bit at a time over the past few days
i'll keep at it
i'm giving some things away
but there will be a sale early this fall . . .
in some ways this is so overwhelming
but in others, i am really ready to have this sorting and choosing done
it's good to have a goal to work toward
and good to think about living small
living with very, very little
getting our feet firmly under us
having our life look different
taking away the stress that eats at me, even when i am dead set on trusting . . .
today i wore my wild t-shirt again
13 days down, 8? to go
until i get to wrap my arms around my man again
then we can be b+e
not just me