sometimes i feel as though i am just hanging on by a thread. and this morning that thread was awfully frayed. thank goodness he doesn't take pleasure in snapping the thread, but in binding the frayed bits together and wrapping his arms around me . . . meeting my wild tears with love.
the card on the table . . . it lists projects, work, bills, money, committments, laundry, trash, errands, relatives, car, shopping, in-laws, deadlines, calls, obligations, dishes . . . over and over and over . . . you get the idea. then in the middle it says "somewhere in the middle of it all . . ." and inside it says, "is a quiet place called love. i'll meet you there."
but this morning, the quietness, it was eluding me. all the other stuff was swirling around threatening to overwhelm me. and i was trying to make this morning - this 31st birthday morning - beautiful, happy, peaceful. and instead he had to soothe me. to calm me. and now he's off at work in the cold, swirling snow. i did tell him that i love him. over and over. and that i'm so sorry i cried on this morning, his birthday. and we did give him dark chocolate. the only treat he eats. and oh, will he savour it. and if the snow dies down, we'll go get steaks that i'll do for supper. with baked potatoes. and some sort of greens. his favorite meal. and we'll call him in a bit and tell him how we love him.
i'm so grateful for this love.
Happy Birthday, Ben. Happy Birthday, Love. Happy Birthday, My Best Friend. Happy Birthday.